everythings such a mess

LegacyUser

Just found out Im pregnant, this was in no way planned at all I didn't want another child for financial reasons along with the fact I have 2 and finally just starting to get my life back to normal and getting to see people etc clear off debt and honestly trying my best to get off the dole and find a good job. all thats set back now and I know deep down everyone will think im just a dole scum mum having kids for the money!
I've actually done nothing but cry since I found out!
Sorry about the rant don't know if I'm looking for advice or just need to get this off my chest haven't told anyone yet including my partner just trying to block it out!

Walls

How are along are you, OP? Have you examined your options?

curlzy

Hey OP,

You should contact Positive Options, they'll support you and help you figure out what to do.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I'm 8 weeks gone, not many options open to me really, my partner is against abortion. just feel completly stuck!

unhappy mum to be

unhappy mum to be wrote: »

I'm 8 weeks gone, not many options open to me really, my partner is against abortion. just feel completly stuck!

Sometimes when you're stuck in a hard place, you're convinced that nobody can help you and that you've thought of everything. But you can often be surprised. Call them and talk to them - if nothing else they will reassure you and you may feel better after talking through it with them.

Beruthiel

unhappy mum to be wrote: »

I'm 8 weeks gone, not many options open to me really, my partner is against abortion.

If you go ahead with this baby, is your partner going to fully support you then?

I know this is no good to you this time, but for the future, get your tubes tied so it never happens again.
It's an easy process and a great weight off the shoulders.

Oryx

Ber, for the record, some doctors refuse to tie tubes. My consultant did. (too young, couldnt possibly know myself well enough to want to do THAT).

OP, this is not the end of everything, youre just dealing with the shock right now. You do have options, abortion being only one of those. If its not something you can contemplate thats fine, you will still deal with this. You already have two kids, you can do this. Its not ideal, no. Its very hard to think of handing over your life to another baby when you really just want to reclaim your own space, but if this has happened, its happened. You can and you will be able to cope, dont doubt that. And dont worry about what others will think. Let them. Thats not your problem, you know the real facts of your life.

But for now, just get yourself into a calmer state of mind. You dont have to do a single thing about this right now. Let it sink in. Talk to the services mentioned above if you need to. And when you are ready, tell your partner, but tell him how you feel too, and that you really need his full support.

Julie London

If it makes u feel any better im a taxpayer and a mother with one kid and another on the way. And i do not think you are dole scum. The dole is there to help people. Try focus on the fact you will get back on your feet again. Your on your feet now, so your going to get to this point again. Get the implant when you have the baby. Discuss all options with your partner. Your just in shock now. When the baby is over 6 months you could start looking for work. What childcare options do you have?
Also dont consider an abortion just cos your worried what other people think about you being on the dole. Dont give a damn what small minded people think. Only consider that option if you and your partner are sure its right for you.

saa

I strongly advise talking to positive options even if only because you can't stop crying, you're anxious about what other people will think, and no that doesn't imply that talking to them means an abortion you need to stabilise yourself emotionally and talk to someone who will not judge or persuade you but help you with the shock.

Janet1986

Definately talk to positive options or cura.

You can have a termination up 14 weeks.

I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with 3 weeks left to decide

I was crying all the time too (for different reasons)

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies.
Julie thanks for your post i actually cried when I read it what you posted made me feel a bit better. Had morning sickness this morning don't think I'll be able to hide things much longer.
Don't know why but am worried about contacting positive options? Just have a total irrational fear of being judged even though I'm the one doing all that myself at the minute.
Janet I hope you get help too this is not an easy thing to decide.
Spent some time researching abortion and honestly can't think of how I would explain to my partner that I need to leave for a couple of days and also don't think I could stay with him if I went ahead and did it behind his back. He would be supportive if we had another child but I just don't think I want to go through with it, money's tight as it is it isn't the right time for another baby and I had a very dificult birth with my youngest 4 years ago and I really don't want to go through it again.

Julie London

OP have you told your partner yet? I think you need to share the load of this news with him. He may be able to put things in perspective for you . Please don’t consider having an abortion in secret, at the moment your hormones are all the place .

I know it can seem so daunting financially but as far as providing for the baby, 3 children is not much different than 2. I bet you have alot of items left over from your last 2? You will get extra children’s allowance which should help too. You can get most things you haven’t got second hand too. I’m sure friends and family will help you. Please believe you got through being a mum twice before. After the first couple of years it does get easier.

Do you have support from your family?Lets completely take the dole out of the equation now ok. You’re not a scumbag or anything of the sort. There is nothing wrong with you availing of the dole etc until your children are older. You sound like the kind of lady who has every intention of working. So you can pay your dues again in the future to the tax system. But for now forget all that and focus on providing for your family with the help of the dole.

Lastly OP i’m pregnant. The baby was not planned. We wanted to wait another year before we got pregnant. When i found out deep inside i was unhappy, my hormones were not helping. It took about a month of excepting im pregnant and i started to feel better. Now im excited. But i never thought i would feel this way when i first found out.OP you will get your freedom back eventually, after the first year things get easier. And by age 2 most mums are back to themselves. I know how scary it is. The prospect of the sleepless nights , having no free time. But OP it doesn’t last , you know this better than anyone your a mum twice. You can do this.It sounds like you may have had a touch of post natal depression after your last pregnancy too. So go to your doctor and ask for help. Please dont be frightened alone.