Feeling down about singledom

LegacyUser

I'm a 21 year old female and to get straight to the point, I've been single forever and lately it's been getting me down!
Throughout my teens I suffered from Ugly Duckling Syndrome, bad skin etc. so I never had much male attention. However, around 18/going to college I changed quite alot physically, and would now be considered fairly attractive with a nice figure (sorry, sounds so big-headed, but just trying to give a clear picture!). Yet I just cannot meet guys that I like.
My college is geared towards quite a specific subject that is very female-oriented. My course is all girls, and societies are not active in the college. I would like to be able to go to the pub to meet guys but at the moment my friends are all either in relationships or quite conservative/not interested in going out.
I feel like such a freak of nature sometimes. I've never had a boyfriend and am a virgin at 21, even though I've kissed plenty of guys in clubs and don't really have trouble attracting attention...I just can't seem to find an outlet to converse and meet lads that are interested in more than a kiss and a grope in the corner. I was shy for quite a few years and so didn't have much to do with guys, but now that I have come out of my shell a lot and gained self-confidence I want to be able to date and enjoy myself.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, I guess maybe suggestions of how to get into the dating pool. I'm not sporty so can't meet anyone that way, and it seems that for my age group joining clubs (outside of college that is) or whatever is just not the done thing. Am I weird for never having had a boyf?! I literally just never seem to meet anyone of the opposite gender (mainly due to my social circle and college education perhaps?)!

Dr. Manhattan

Singledom wrote: »

I'm not sporty

Ok, that's what you're not interested in, but what are you interested in that could turn to your advantage?

Singledom wrote: »

it seems that for my age group joining clubs (outside of college that is) or whatever is just not the done thing.

I have no idea whether or not it's the "done thing", but I do know it doesn't matter. You have to find a way to live that suits you, including how you make friends or meet potential boyfriends, not a way to live that suits the people you go to college with. I'm pretty sure they all have interests, friendships etc. outside college, no reason why you shouldn't.

LegacyUser

Singledom wrote: »

I guess maybe suggestions of how to get into the dating pool. I'm not sporty so can't meet anyone that way, and it seems that for my age group joining clubs (outside of college that is) or whatever is just not the done thing.

Im of the same age group and I also have some trouble meeting girls. From my experience pubs and clubs are kind of pointless to meet people in. Its often too loud. Ive no real suggestion on how to meet people or get in the dating scene tbh. I wish I did.

Singledom wrote: »

Am I weird for never having had a boyf?! I literally just never seem to meet anyone of the opposite gender (mainly due to my social circle and college education perhaps?)!

No your not weird at all. It can be difficult getting to meet new people, other that pubs/clubs there isnt much available.

LovelyLottie

You are 21. I don't want to be harsh, but seriously - you're 21. From someone who had a relationship from the age of 17-21, I think it's much more healthy to not have had a serious, full-on relationship before this age. You have a much better chance of knowing who you are as a person, than girls who've had boyfriends since the age of 16.

You say that you can't meet guys that you like. So i'm taking it you are meeting guys, just not ones you like. I get that you're frustrated, but give it time.

Socialise when you can - at the age of 21 SOME of your friends MUST go out! Try speed-dating events if you're feeling brave. Join a gym. Do some travelling. Volunteer somewhere. Try to find some things you enjoy doing and this will widen your social circle, and you might meet some new and interesting people.

You are not weird for never having had a boyfriend. You are absolutely not a freak of nature for being a virgin. Look at it this way - when you do meet a guy you like, you might be a little 'green' but you won't have all the relationship baggage that others who've been dating since the age of 15/16 have.

Enjoy being 21, try to be happy and good things will come to you in time. All the best.

wivy

i was once in your boat...
20 all i wanted was a boyfriend.. ya no what? i was so mad about finding a 'boyfriend' that I ended up settling for a guy who I now look back at and think what was I doing... I know at the time you think 'everyone has a bf/gf' etc etc what whas wrong with me? but believe me your better off in the long run enjoying your single college life as much as possible! Hindsight is a wonderful thing.....meet new people! hey your going to kiss lots of frogs before you meet your prince and enjoy it!... guys pick up on your vibes too.. I found that guys I met out on college nights didnt want girlfriends, (I also was in a college with girls so I can relate to your frustration) but fantastic advice from lovelylottie above...
I was very naive at 20 and foolish... Emjoy being single dear! the time will come when its supposed to..

Fenian Army

I suggest avoiding clubs, I find that the get the shift, take them home and wake up in a relationship formula sucks big time.

I just can't seem to find an outlet to converse and meet lads that are interested in more than a kiss and a grope in the corner.

Thats what the vast vast majority of lads in a club want.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, I guess maybe suggestions of how to get into the dating pool. I'm not sporty so can't meet anyone that way, and it seems that for my age group joining clubs (outside of college that is) or whatever is just not the done thing. Am I weird for never having had a boyf?! I literally just never seem to meet anyone of the opposite gender (mainly due to my social circle and college education perhaps?)!

No your not weird, I'm a guy but I was in a similar situation, small town, all boys school, just didn't meet girls. Not weird for not having a bf at all, perfectly normal and probably an advantage.

The best thing to do is to join things in which you will meet people with similar interests. I joined a youth wing of a political party for example.

What are you interested in? Its a hard question I know, and if you are having trouble answering it like I did, what do you think you might be interested in trying?

I'm the same age as you and when I started coming out of my shell a few years ago I was held back for ages by the "done thing", try not to be.

And don't settle for the first guy you come across too, thats a bad mistake I made with girl I met in a club, after the initial physical attraction I found we had little in common, she didn't treat me the greatest yet I stuck with it because I was forever single, wasted so much time. Dont be with someone for the sake of it, I'm still angry with myself over that.

I've joined a few groups etc and am meeting new people, am I expecting to bump into some fantastic girl and hit it off? No, I'm still single but have met some great people and by expanding my social circle I have a better chance then by doing what I used to do, sit at home and feel sorry for myself.

As for being a virgin at 21? Perfectly normal, as a guy I certainly wouldn't care and don't see how that would be a negative.

Best of luck!

bodhrandude

Maybe you should try Smooch.com I am a member of this and have met people through it, no joy yet but no harm in giving it a go, plus its mainly free too. Good luck.

LegacyUser

I like this site: http://www.meetup.com/The-Dublin-Socialites/

Not a dating specific group but its free and a great place to start chatting and flirt with friendly people to get over your shyness.

Zhora

you have nothing to be either worried or to feel down about being single and a virgin at 21. What is the hurry, you are so young and when I was your age (ahem, a while ago) I was enjoying my freedom, going to college, and having fun and yes I was still a virgin at 21 and not at all bothered by the fact. But there wasn't this pressure to be in a couple, have things changed now? Why the rush?

What you need are other like minded people to go out with and do fun things together. Try the meetups or join a bootcamp, whatever you are interested in and do it not to meet guys but to expand your circle of friends and have some fun. Life is far too short, enjoy being young and single.

Oh to be 21 again!

Lolajay

Hey don't feel bad!

I didn't have my frist boyfriend until I was 23!! Like you I figured it was weird and was really freaked out by it but (and I don't mean to sound like a granny - I'm only 30) you will look back and think "God, if only I hadn't worried like that2

If it's how you're feeling then it's absolutely valid but look at the positives....being single really does have it's benefits and if you were in a silly relationship just for the sake of it - you might miss out on someone who's better for you!

You sound quite confident - now - it's good to recognise you've a nice body etc....some people need to be part of a couple all their lives- that's not a good thing. I'm glad I always held out for guys I actually liked!

Why not have a look at some of the internet dating sites - I think the stigma attached to those is totally dead and so many people seem to be on them!

Whatever you do, have fun and enjoy it - and yes, I'd love to be 21 again, even though like you, I'd never had a boyfriend either!