Shouldnt I be feeling better after 5 weeks?

LegacyUser

I need to get this off my chest as it doesnt seem to be getting any better. I met a guy for a few months. For various reasons (mainly reservations on his part), it didnt work out. It didnt end badly, just kind of faded away but I decided to stop trying (he mustve too). It would have been easier if hed been a complete a*hole. Its been a few weeks now-no contact from either party (nearly cracked a few times though, but I thought there was no point). Shouldnt I be feeling better after 5 weeks? Especially because in all fairness, I didnt even really know this guy very well at all although I thought we had clicked. This has really gotton to me - Ive had quite serious relationships before, and I havent been "like/love sick" or upset or what ever it is this bad. Its like there is a little candle still lighting away for him, and I need to extinguish it.

I have been going out, keeping busy, all the usual stuff, even met a few guys (I no interest though I suspect due to that damn candle lighting away in the background). Why am I feeling like this?

Jupitermars

Heya, IT WILL get better. Give it time. Can I ask was there any kind of 'proper closure' , i mean did you's have the break up chat, when you say it just kinda faded and that you stopped trying and you feel he did too, it seems that there may not have been closure? maybe that is the reason.

qwertytlk

I agree with the above post, its probably because there was no closure and although you both stopped trying, you really dont know what he thinks or what way he feels so in a way thats probably playing on your mind.
Another thing is, maybe you like him a bit more than you reslise? When you really click with someone, which isnt often, its kind of hard to just forget about it/them and move on straight away because you kind of left pondering the '' what if's ''

BraziliaNZ

5 weeks is nothing. Try 6 months maybe!

LovelyLottie

I find it varies hugely the amount of time it takes to get over different relationships. You can be with someone for a couple of years, and you get over it in a few months. Whereas, someone you only were with for a few months can be in your head for a long time afterwards.

I agree with the others and say it's probably because you didn't get any proper closure. But it can also be because you liked him more than he liked you.

I have found that when someone has told me (nicely but directly) that they just don't feel that way about me and we're not right for each other, it's been easier for me to move on. The guys who disappear and just drift off, are in my head and heart for longer

Give it time. You don't want to meet someone new right now, but you will in time. Good luck.

LegacyUser

There was no real closure - he gave me reasons it wouldnt work. I accepted them (hence why I see no point in contacting him), but he still continued to contact me for a few weeks after (maybe out of feeling guilt?). I was just repling politely, as I wasnt sure what to think. Then it all just stopped. To be expected I guess. I was fine for the first few weeks, then yes maybe it started playing on my mind. I am not sure what closure I need (I cant change his mind and I know the reasons-well the ones he told me), but yes it does feel as if it isnt over (although I want it to be to move on).

Jupitermars

Well maybe there are an element of things niggling at you. Firstly he gave you his reasons as to why it wouldnt work, perhaps you were hurt, but as you said you accepted them. Rejection in itself is not an easy thing to deal with, but you will.

Then he complicates your emotions by re-contacting you, and your wondering what the hell, does he still have feelings for me or what is the story! Maybe he realised this himself, that in texting you he is messing with your emotions and hence he stopped.

I have been the one that has broken up with people and I have been on the receiving end also.

I once got broken up with by text! Not good! And lordy was i in a tizzy for weeks to months about it. But yep i got over it!

One day though you will think of him and just not really care anymore. If you think of him , just try and get over any of the hurt you may feel (depending on what his reasons were), and accept that it is over. Closure can come from a state of mind, your own mind going ahhh thats dealt with, that moment will come.

I am a friend

after5weeks wrote: »

it does feel as if it isnt over

But it is so you need to remind yourself of that. He told you it was over so please believe him and stop second guessing the situation when he has given you no reason to...

Sorry....

metamorphosis

I am a friend wrote: »

But it is so you need to remind yourself of that. He told you it was over so please believe him and stop second guessing the situation when he has given you no reason to...

Sorry....

This.

Maple

metamorphosis wrote: »

I am a friend wrote: »

But it is so you need to remind yourself of that. He told you it was over so please believe him and stop second guessing the situation when he has given you no reason to...

Sorry....

This.

Metamorphosis, please do not post unless you have actual constructive advice for the OP.

Thank you,

Maple

metamorphosis

Sorry!

Anyway, my 2c, I echo what friend said. You may not believe his reasons, you don't have to, but as much as it sucks, you need to do yourself a favour and move on regardless. In time you will get over it. Whether the reasons you were given were real or not, you need to remember that if he truly felt the same , things would be different and you would not be in this situation now. For whatever reasons, he isn't interested and has expressed that. You said he can't change his mind, remember that.

All the best OP.

den87

5 weeks isn't much, im 6 months on and still not right, but i have faith i'll get there. You will too.

LegacyUser

You are all right of course. I waited so long to meet someone that I liked/clicked with, and then it didnt work. I feel like am too long in the tooth for this (35). Feel like giving up trying to meet someone. It is so hard. Should have more sense and cop on. You put yourself out there, and for whatever reason/s you get shot down. I think I might have scared him off to be honest and the answer to that is someone who is scared off easily shouldnt be worth your time, but it still hurts.

TEMPLAR KNIGHT

after5weeks wrote: »

I need to get this off my chest as it doesnt seem to be getting any better. I met a guy for a few months. For various reasons (mainly reservations on his part), it didnt work out. It didnt end badly, just kind of faded away but I decided to stop trying (he mustve too). It would have been easier if hed been a complete a*hole. Its been a few weeks now-no contact from either party (nearly cracked a few times though, but I thought there was no point). Shouldnt I be feeling better after 5 weeks? Especially because in all fairness, I didnt even really know this guy very well at all although I thought we had clicked. This has really gotton to me - Ive had quite serious relationships before, and I havent been "like/love sick" or upset or what ever it is this bad. Its like there is a little candle still lighting away for him, and I need to extinguish it.

I have been going out, keeping busy, all the usual stuff, even met a few guys (I no interest though I suspect due to that damn candle lighting away in the background). Why am I feeling like this?

Same here im really im 21 me and my girlfriend, well ex grilfriend have been broken up for 3 months now after 2 years (still feels like im with her, and I am emotionally to be honest). first serious relationship and all that so im still pretty heartbroken. But some great advice my dad gave me was there is no such thing as a constant emotion so some days im thinking how can I live without her, then other days I hate her to be honest. What im trying to say is there will be days that are good and days that are bad but what you need to do is look forward to the coming time when all the days are good days, and it will come. im not there myself yet but I speak to alot of people about it and everyone has gone through it and everyone thinks the exact same, times the greatest healer it seems and lookin forward and not back. Theres a great line from a metallica song that kind of keeps me going at times "here I go now, Here I go into new days"

LovelyLottie

after5weeks wrote: »

You are all right of course. I waited so long to meet someone that I liked/clicked with, and then it didnt work. I feel like am too long in the tooth for this (35). Feel like giving up trying to meet someone. It is so hard. Should have more sense and cop on. You put yourself out there, and for whatever reason/s you get shot down. I think I might have scared him off to be honest and the answer to that is someone who is scared off easily shouldnt be worth your time, but it still hurts.

I think the fact that you're 35 is playing a factor in this too. I'm 36 and i went out with a guy for only 3 months last year. Still thinking about him, even though he actually did turn out to be an asshole unlike your guy. I think when you're a little bit older you really appreciate how special it is to meet someone you click with, because it doesn't happen every day.

You will get over him. Give it some more time. And you might not meet someone new that you click with straight away, but it will happen in time. The up-side of being a little bit older is knowing that no pain or hurt lasts forever. I can also see now in my 30s that there truly are a lot of people out there that you can potentially click with - the knack is actually getting out there, trying to meet them and giving them a chance. Hang in there

LegacyUser

Thanks templar/lottie. Templar I hope you feel better soon also.
Lottie you struck something with me there.

You are 1000% correct when you said "when youre a bit older you really appreciate how special it is to meet someone you click with, because it doesn't happen every day."
And its the truth, but its after saddening my heart because I know how hard it is to find someone you truely appreciate. Think thats why its hitting me pretty hard. Takes so long, and then you get shot down. I keep going back over the "what ifs". What if Id done this, what if I hadnt done that. I feel I made some mistakes, but will never get the chance to make them right. I dont see the point anymore. It seems easier to be single and protective of yourself (its coming and going in waves today).

LovelyLottie

after5weeks wrote: »

Thanks templar/lottie. Templar I hope you feel better soon also.
Lottie you struck something with me there.

You are 1000% correct when you said "when youre a bit older you really appreciate how special it is to meet someone you click with, because it doesn't happen every day."
And its the truth, but its after saddening my heart because I know how hard it is to find someone you truely appreciate. Think thats why its hitting me pretty hard. Takes so long, and then you get shot down. I keep going back over the "what ifs". What if Id done this, what if I hadnt done that. I feel I made some mistakes, but will never get the chance to make them right. I dont see the point anymore. It seems easier to be single and protective of yourself (its coming and going in waves today).

But i also said that there are potentially a lot of people out there that you can click with - you just have to make the effort to get out and meet them, and open your mind to different types of people.

Give yourself some more time to get over this relationship, then put it to one side. If he really had been "the one", no little things you did or said would have pushed him away or scared him off. Stop being so hard on yourself. Unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be.

phdgirl

Hi there, I completely empathise with how you're feeling. The same thing happened to me and mostly due to the guy's reservations we stopped contacting each other at the end of November. It still gets me down now even though I've had relationships before, have a good career, great friends and am busy all the time. I think the fact I thought we'd "clicked" with this particular person was a big deal. For me, I liked my guy for a long time in passing and personally I find it hard to click with guys. Don't beat yourself up about it and just try to keep on with daily life. I'm going out next weekend and will be in the company of a new person who has asked mutual friends about me, so I'm trying to keep optimistic and hope that a day will come where I don't even think about "click" guy. Good luck xx