PhD - What happens if I drop out in early stages?

Toola

Hi,

I'm not sure if I should start a new thread....I have to say it's somewhat reassuring that there are so many, good to know I'm not the only one feeling unsure about the PhD.

I just started my Phd about 4 months ago...I hate it. I am doing the structured program so I am not doing really any research at the moment, just lots of coursework. (which is making me panic as I am expected to present my research so far in 3months)

I honestly feel so overwhelmed and as though everyone around me is miles ahead of me. I am getting really depressed about it - I really feel as if I don't want to do it any more and have just made a huge mistake in undertaking it. I do not want to be this miserable...especially not for four years!

My problem is my Phd is fully funded for four years. I don't know what the situation is if you drop out - especially this early! Also my supervisor has been away for the last two months and while I have an interim supervisor I dont feel it would be right to talk to him about my options.

I am thinking about trying to get into secondary school teaching - which I know could be a terrible move, given the lack of jobs. I feel totally stuck and was just wondering if anyone knows

a) what the story is with funding?
b) how might supervisors react, if I broach the subject?
c) is there a better time to leave from the point of view of my supervisor (is sooner better than later?)
d) should I really give it more time? - I know a lot of people have problems in the first year.
e) any general advice?

Thanks in advance.

cruiserweight

The best thing you can do is talk to your supervisor or interim supervisor. They will be in the best place to advise you about options and may not be aware of your situation.

In my experience a lot of people have some period of uncertainty during their PhD. It is also common enough to think other have done more or are doing better. It is easy to say, but you should concentrate on what you are doing yourself and not worry about anybody else.

As for the courses, when I did my PhD it was purely research. Looking back now doing some courses at the beginning would have helped me and you may appreciate them later on. Also I would imagine (not knowing your institution, discipline etc.) that your 3 month report will be more to demonstrate that you have some ideas, have been reading, have some sort of plan for at least the first year etc. The courses and 3 month report are there to make sure that you will be "successful" in your research. While it might be frustrating now, if you stick with it you will see the benefit later on.

But most importantly talk to someone, if not your supervisor, someone who is a little further on in their PhD, a postdoc, etc.

woodchuck

I was asking some of the exact same questions a few years ago! I ended up sticking it out in the end so just thought I’d share my point of view…

If you haven’t started your own research yet it’s hard to know what you’ll think of it until you’re in the thick of it. But I wouldn’t stress too much about presenting your ‘results’ in 3 months time. Your supervisor will be aware that you’ve mostly been doing taught courses so haven’t had much/any time for your own research yet. I’d recommend reading up about your project as much as you can though (get your supervisor to recommend some papers if needs be). If possible I’d do a written literature review too and get your supervisor to correct it (it will give you a very good grounding before your start your own research). If it gets to the presentation and you can present a clear project plan, how it will fit into previous research and answer questions on the topic, well then that would be perfectly acceptable!

If you’re going to drop out, then sooner is probably better than later unless you wanted to stick it out for a year or 2 and get a masters instead. This is something you would need to discuss with your supervisor though. In terms of their reaction… well you won’t know until you try discussing it with them! They should be reasonable about it though. Particularly if they have a large well funded group it won’t matter as much to them and they’ll probably have experience of this happening before.

In terms of the funding; I don’t know for sure, but if the supervisor (or college) was the one who secured the funding then they should be able to keep the remainder if you were to drop out now. I think that largely depends on the type of grant you have though. For example if it was funding you applied for yourself and is in your name then I don’t think it could be transferred over to someone else.

I think one of the key questions you need to ask yourself is WHY you’re doing a PhD. Are you enthusiastic about research and your topic in particular? Or do you just want a qualification for your CV (if that’s the case a master would do. It’s hard enough to complete a PhD especially if you’ve no interest in the subject matter).

PS. It’s perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed in the beginning and that everyone else is miles ahead of you (the grass is always greener!). And the majority of people think about quitting at one stage or another.

Toola

Thanks for your replies guys, I really appreciate it.

Regarding WHY I'm doing it - I suppose that is the thing I am really questioning as I am genuinely considering secondary school teaching and at the moment am doubting whether I want any sort of career which involves research! I had always thought about doing a phd too, if the right topic came along, but I'm beginning to think I won't be able to cope with the stress and therefore find it difficult to motivate myself. I find the area fairly interesting and I have always enjoyed learning but I feel as though I amn't as interested as those around me.

I think I will bite the bullet and talk to my supervisor about my options - I suppose the reason I havent is because it is so early on and I am afraid they will just feel as though I have wasted their time and money. But the reason i am trying to decide early on is I feel terribly guilty about continuing to receive their money if I am genuinely considering dropping out and have not really completed any research.

The funding is definitely not in my name - but what are the repercussions for what I have been paid so far?

Again, thanks so much, its great to get an outside opinion as I have discussed with my family and friends but they can't really understand what I'm worried about. I will let you know how I get on.

woodchuck

Toola wrote: »

The funding is definitely not in my name - but what are the repercussions for what I have been paid so far?

I know a few people who have dropped out or opted for a masters instead, but I've never heard of a supervisor asking for money back that they've been paid as a stipend if that's what you're worried about.

Toola wrote: »

I find the area fairly interesting and I have always enjoyed learning but I feel as though I amn't as interested as those around me

Just figure out yourself how much you’re interested/invested in what you’re doing, try not to compare yourself to others too much!

Toola wrote: »

I think I will bite the bullet and talk to my supervisor about my options - I suppose the reason I havent is because it is so early on and I am afraid they will just feel as though I have wasted their time and money. But the reason i am trying to decide early on is I feel terribly guilty about continuing to receive their money if I am genuinely considering dropping out and have not really completed any research.

I completely understand the feelings of guilt! You shouldn’t feel guilty, but I know that’s easier said than done. This is a big decision for YOU, so don’t rush it just because of your supervisor or funding issues. In all likelihood your supervisor will suggest staying on for a masters as an alternative, but again do what’s right for you.

totaleclipse

Hi Toola,

I understand exactly what you are going through. I started a phd in October and have been completely stressed and depressed since then, seriously considering dropping out too and don't know how to go out it at all. The difference between taught courses and a PhD is immense and I really feel that students should be given a trial period to see if it's for them at the start!! Also in my case, my supervisor really doesn't have much idea of the area I am trying to approach and feel like I am drowning in the literature and the amount of course work on the structured program. I am in receipt of funding aswell but it is tied to my name rather than the department. Does anyone know whether you have to repay money that is tied to your name?

I had a small nervous breakdown over the past few weeks and had to take time off due to stress. I know that it probably has more to do with my ability to manage stress but I just don't think I can see myself going through this for the next 4 years and being happy. Although at the same time I don't know what else I will do if I leave. It's terrible this feeling of being trapped! I have a BA in Geography and Psychology and a MSc in Human Geography but still not qualified for anything. I was also thinking of secondary teaching but after visiting a career guidance counsellor for the past few weeks she has indicated that there is absolutely nothing available in the teaching sector (primary or secondary) and that she would not recommend going down that route unless I was prepared to emigrate. Also she said because I only have one teaching subject (Geography) that it would be very hard to get a fulltime, permanent job Sorry I don't want to dishearten you but maybe there are other options you can look into too...In anycase seeing a guidance counsellor is always a good step. If you have two teaching subjects than you would be in a much better position. At the same time, I'm a firm believer in following your heart too!!

Even though I still don't know what path I'd follow if I did drop out I am more or less certain that academic research is not for me and I need a job that is more interactive and people centered. There is no point being this miserable for 4 years of your precious youth if you don't want a career in research. I have met several people over the past few months who have completed PhDs, said it was the most stressful period of their lives and now they don't want anything to do with academia or research and are working in cafes/bars etc. So if the phd isn't going to ultimately get you where you want to go then I would say that it is better to get out early, although we have to remember that the alternative paths will be challenging too!

I hope everyting works out for you! And remember that being happy and healthy is the most important thing. It would be great to keep upto date on how you get on!

Toola

Hi Totaleclipse,

Thanks for your reply - while I'm sorry to hear you are having problems as well it is good to know I am not the only one going through this...

I completely sympathise with that feeling of being trapped - I find that as I am not sure what route I would take if I leave, it can be very hard to justify (even to myself) that I really should leave!I am not sure about your funding, as mine is not in my name, but anyone I have spoken to has told me that they have never heard of having to pay it back!

Regarding the depression, I have been through this as well. i have been making a concious effort to talk to my family and friends about it but I suppose I do feel it's difficult for someone who hasnt been through it to really understand. A colleague of mine has said the same about the stress and lonliness of the PhD and has told me the same - if I am unsure about wanting a career in academia, to leave!

I have recently spoken to my supervisor who has given me some good advice - to just take it a week at a time for the moment and not think about it as being stuck for four years. I am feeling a bit happier that she is aware of whats going on with me, and in fact she has told me she went through something similar. I have basically decided to stick it out for 2-3 months, until I really get stuck into the research, to be sure whatever decision I make is the right one.

I completely agree its not worth being miserable for four years so if it doesn't improve I will leave for sure. I will definitely update if I make a decision. I hope everything goes well for you too and I would like to hear how you get on!

judgefudge

Hi,

I also started a PhD recently and I know what you're going through. It can be very confusing, lonely and stressful particularly at the start but I think it would be in your interest to hold out for another while. I have never heard of anyone having to pay back funding so I wouldn't worry too much about that!

It's great that your supervisor knows what is going on with you. I'm sure they will have dealt with it before. I think its something everyone goes through at the beginning of a phd but try to keep in mind why you applied for this and what you ultimately want from life. It could be just a case of imposter syndrome which is incredibly common.

Anyway just wanted to say that I'm glad to see you're giving it more time and I hope it works out for you. Stay positive! It's not life or death.

judgefudge

P.S. I know how you feel, one of my supervisors is on maternity leave so I have yet to even meet her. The other 2 I rarely even see so I'm left on my own a lot. The labs where I work were getting worked on so I couldn't get any labwork done for months and was left sitting in an office alone reading the same papers day in day out. I also had to give a presentation 3 months in on nothing!! If you have no research done just present what you plan to do and it will have to be good enough. I'm also on a structured phd and now that I can do labwork I have to leave for a month to do another module!

It sounds like circumstances have just been working against you right now. It's tough but wait and see how things pan out.