Boyfriend moving away for work

LegacyUser

I've been seeing my boyfriend for over a year now and things couldn't be better except for the subject of him moving away being on my mind a lot recently. I've known he was considering leaving at some stage since we started seeing other, I just never thought my feelings would get this strong. We both thought he'd be long gone by now.

I was able to push him moving away to the back of my head for a long time, only letting it bother me every once in a while. Recently though its been affecting my everyday life, I'm feeling down about it especially when I'm not with him, if that even makes sense.

The thought of breaking up now seems silly as he'll probably be in Ireland for the next 6-9 months, but at the same time the longer we stay together the harder it'll be when he goes.

What's making it worse is having family, colleagues and friends asking me why I'm not going with him. I can't even lie about and say its because I don't want to go. I do, more than anything.

Also he has a very well paid job here so he's not actually moving to find a job, he wants to experience living/working abroad.

I'm not asking for a way to stop him going, I would never ask that of someone. I'd just like to hear from someone that may have experienced something similar or any advice on trying to enjoy now and putting the future to the back of my mind.

I am a friend

It's not clear - why are you not going with him?

LegacyUser

I'm not going because I haven't been asked, but he knows I would go anywhere with him. Also if he goes to the US it wouldn't be easy/possible for me to get a Visa. I find myself making all these excuses as to why he doesn't think I'd be able to go when really if he wanted to be with me we'd be able to make it work.

Beruthiel

Unreg-2012 wrote: »

I'm not going because I haven't been asked, but he knows I would go anywhere with him.

If he is moving away, and knows you would go too if he asked, and he hasn't asked....
Then do you not think that he has no interest in continuing this relationship with you?

going un-reg

OP, something doesn't match up here. I re-read your post a few times, and something seems off. He's not seeking work due to being unemployed, he has a well paid job here, yet the reason to go is just to experience something different, he hasn't asked you to come and you've been going out a year??

To me there's an underlying issue that perhaps you should confront him about, If you feel this strongly for him, I'd want to know if that person felt the same way.

Has he told you how he feels about you? He must like you to have been with you for this long, however like Beruthiel has said, maybe there's a relationship issue here...

It's worth asking...:)

LegacyUser

Beruthiel - I understand why you would think this, but the relationship is the best I've ever been in and I know he loves me. I have no doubt about that. Thats probably what confuses me the most.

Going Un Reg - I knew from our first date that he hoped to move away and when things got a little serious we did discuss staying together or breaking up so we didn't get too attached. We both decided we wanted to enjoy the time we would have together but I honestly thought it would be 5-6 months max. He has told me how he feels about me as in he loves me and wants to be with me while he is in Ireland. I don't really want to bring up the subject in detail at the moment as we're going on Holidays in a few weeks and don't want to ruin that, a holiday which he surprised me with for my Christmas present.

loloray

Unreg-2012 wrote: »

He has told me how he feels about me as in he loves me and wants to be with me while he is in Ireland.

Huge red flag OP. I don't think he's feelin' the relationship as much as you.

Miss Fluff

Unreg-2012 wrote: »

He has told me how he feels about me as in he loves me and wants to be with me while he is in Ireland.

Oh dear. I think if you listen hard enough to people, really listen, then they will often tell you exactly what is on their mind/what their intentions are. He's already told you very clearly what his intentions are hon.

I think you have your answer here and your reluctance to bring this up (it must be one gargantuan sized elephant in the room at this stage) speaks volumes. Seems like you've realised that him going without you is a very real possibility and I do think you should bring it up with him rather than ignoring the topic in the hope that it will go away and that he won't....

LegacyUser

Thanks. I think you're all right, Miss Fluff hit the nail on the head saying I need to really listen. I guess I needed to hear it said by someone that doesn't know us. People who know us as a couple are always telling me he's mad about me and can't believe he'd leave, but I suppose people do it to protect my feelings.

I'll bring it up after the holiday and tell him how much its been on my mind. Although I think he knows that already. Its strange how some days it doesn't bother me but others it has me really upset!

Skuxx

I'll be honest, reading this OP I was wondering was it my girlfriend who wrote it. Over the next few months, I'll be moving away for work, I'm a contractor, so could get sent anywhere in the world for months at a time!! I know the gf is dreadding me going, but she would never stop me going, as she knows I need to do it, and also that I want to. Our problem is she is in her 3rd year of a 4 year college course, so isn't in a position to come!! I've told her that I'd have no problem flying home, or flying her over every few weeks to visit, as I don't think I could be apart from her for more than that!! Would that be an option for you OP?? Also, with Skype and Viber, its never been cheaper or easier to talk and have video calls to anywhere is the world, so really the world isn't such a big place anymore!!

I think you need to talk to your bf OP, see where he sees your relationship going when he moves away, but remember it doesn't have to be the end!!

I am a friend

alan1990 wrote: »

remember it doesn't have to be the end!!

did you see the part where it says he doesnt seem to want to bring her..

Jen Pigs Fly

I am a friend wrote: »

did you see the part where it says he doesnt seem to want to bring her..

Why should he bring her though? Just because she's his girlfriend doesn't mean she has to do everything with him ...

Like I know he's moving away to work, but maybe he thinks she's happy and won't go with him?

Missy Moo Moo

Maybe he just feels it's something he needs to do on his own? Especially if it's always been a dream of his.

OP, you should definitely ask him where the land lies. You have a right to know whether you're a part of his future or not.

kknapp21

Unreg-2012 wrote: »

Thanks. I think you're all right, Miss Fluff hit the nail on the head saying I need to really listen. I guess I needed to hear it said by someone that doesn't know us. People who know us as a couple are always telling me he's mad about me and can't believe he'd leave, but I suppose people do it to protect my feelings.

I'll bring it up after the holiday and tell him how much its been on my mind. Although I think he knows that already. Its strange how some days it doesn't bother me but others it has me really upset!

why wait till after the holiday? From what I gather he only wants to be with you while in ireland and isnt thinking long term. It seems you like him way more then he likes you. I would ask him before the holiday, that way if you learn that it will deffinetly end, then why spend a holiday withsome you are on borrowed time with?

OkayWhatever

My boyfriend's moving away in the summer, only for 3 months though. But it's an absolute killer, we've been together a year and a half.

At the start, everybody was saying that he wouldn't go and whatever, but it made it worse because I had convinced myself he wasn't going so when he booked it, it was heartbreaking.

I know how hard it is to accept that somebody you love is moving away, how much you want to believe that they're not going. So maybe you need to put that to the back of your mind and listen to the advice that's given. If you take it all into account, it will help you kinda cope and figure things out in your head.

I think you both need to have a serious chat about both your intentions when it comes to him leaving. If he doesn't want the relationship to continue while he's gone, then it's probably better for you to know now. Then at least you can both decide whether to keep it going until he does leave or not. Enjoy it while it lasts type thing.

At the end of the day, he is going to leave and if you don't get the answers you need things could end horribly because you could both have different expectations, and that's probably the last thing you want.

The fact that he's leaving will get more bearable though. I'm okay with my boyfriend going away, I help plan it and I lent him money to pay for his flights. If you accept that it's making him happy, it makes it so much easier.

Maybe if you're supportive over him leaving, he'll suggest visits and stuff. As a previous poster said, there's Skype and Viber and the lot so long distance relationships can be made easier!

I really hope you sort it though, I know it's a killer when you don't have the answers you want.

Susie_Q

Lots of alarm bells ringing, sorry OP.

When I first met my boyfriend he was due to go to Australia 6 months later to work for the summer. By the time that rolled around we were madly in love and he cancelled the trip. I had also planned on going somewhere for 3 months and reworked my plans because of him. The point is that we both decided to put the relationship first - something that doesn't seem to be true of your situation I'm afraid.

But look at it this way - what have you got to lose by talking to him about this? If you say nothing then he goes and leaves you here. If you speak up at least you get to hear what he has to say... even if it hurts it might help to hear it.

Best of luck, I really do feel for you. It's a rotten situation.

I am a friend

xxxJennyxxx wrote: »

Why should he bring her though? Just because she's his girlfriend doesn't mean she has to do everything with him ...

:rolleyes:

The reason we are posting here is with reference to the OP's position not his.. She is upset he does want her to go. Dont see why you need to debate whether or not he needs to ask her.