paranoid /insecurity...

MsAllybear

I don't know if i've always been like this or is it just lately but i'm seriously paranoid- if thats the word and get ideas into my head too easily and they stick.

Other night, was supposed to meet friend and it was basically all arranged that she'd text me after she was finished at another thing and i'd drive down to pub to meet her, her boyf and our friend.

So i got dressed up and ready and didnt hear anything by 12 so i just got undressed and stayed in, i had texted at 10 to see what story was, i.e. was she finished, but no reply. .. so i got it into my head that she didnt want me there in end cos she had the others and they originally werent able. and also fact i wasnt gonna be drinking...
I didnt overthink it, but was curious about why she hadnt text, She'll always text and she always had credit etc.

So then i stupidly freaked myself out thinking something was wrong with one of her family (cos they'd bad spell of health last year) and comvinved myself someone died- even listened to local news next morning! I KNOW!! -Freak!!

So in end i text her in afternoon just said is all ok? reply almost straight away, she'd been sick night before and ended up going home.
relief in one way and then selfish ness in another thinking could she not have just text (cos she was all ok again by time i text!)

another one is the fella before xmas, some people will have read posts on it, but again within less than 48 hours of not hearing from him, i convinced myself completly he was breaking up with me and Nobody could convince me otherwise and well that was end of that relationship. anyway wont discuss anymore of that, im past it.

Now I'm convinced my best (male) friend ain't speaking to me, havent heard from him in 2 weeks, this IS normal, we go through phases like this, as i do with my female friends, but with them i dont notice the time.
I've text him couple times about nothing in particular and not heard, but i think in one way he's tryin to prove a point about me texting too much.


I dunno what i'm at!!

blatantrereg

I do the same with the imagining people have died, or something horrible has happened. Like I got it into my head that someone had killed themselves a while ago, for not much reason. Another time I missed a call from a hospital and got it into my head that my father had been in an accident when I called back to see who it was and got the main switchboard. I can be paranoid in other ways too. My bicycle disappeared from my apartment building recently, and I got it into my head that the management had thrown it out. In fact they had moved it for safekeeping because the main door was broken. I even went through a period of being plagued with vivid imaginings of kids going under cars if I saw them walking near busy roads.

In every case I waited to find out the whole story before taking any action, but I still felt unnecessary distress thanks to my imaginings.

I find it beneficial to actively discipline my mind and imagination: Analyse and rationalise ideas you get. Determine if they come from some sort of emotional expression or if they are based in logic.

I think that the tendency to get ideas in this way might stem from having a very vigilant personality in the first place, so this sort of self-regulation might come easily as a result.

MsAllybear

the dying thing is from my cousin dying real suddenly couple years ago, wasnt sick etc. just dropped basically and for couple months after that, i was Really bad, i wouldnt tell anyone but like u i'd get missed call or else no reply back from mum etc and think somethings happened , thats eased compared to then but it still comes to my mind and its horrible horrible feeling.
last night at work too in bar, fella came in, i know him to see just and know he was involved in robberies last year and he was chatting away to me innocently and i got convinced he was just checking place out.

This whole paranoia thing was cause of relationship failing miserably at xmas, blamed him but it was alllll meeee!!

It kinda taught me lesson though so thats reason i hadnt text my friend frantically other night going Whats story, are we going out or what Or text my other friend asking is something up with him.

Mad how the mind works!

LovelyLottie

I don't think you're weird Ally, just maybe you over-think things, like a lot of people.

I think if you're prone to over-thinking you can get a bit paranoid from time to time, i know i do and my siblings do too. It always seems to start happening to me after a night or weekend of drinking, or if i haven't been exercising enough.

Re the guy before Christmas, if i remember it right i think you weren't happy with the sudden drop-off in contact. He had been contacting you every day for a few months and then suddenly nothing for a week or so? You can't be blamed for assuming it was over. Or maybe i remember it wrong? I wonder did the guy tell you you were paranoid / crazy, and now you're believing him? (Maybe i'm wrong on this...)

When you feel these bouts of over-thinking / paranoia coming on, try and calm your thinking down by going through the facts of a situation - with the friend one: she's my friend, she likes me, there is no reason why she would be avoiding me etc. And try to see the situation from a rational perspective. A bit of exercise can also do wonders.

Starokan

For some reason your jumping to conclusions way to fast. It seems to me that your own personal happiness is inextricably linked to what other people are thinking of you. Believe me your not alone in this, many many people do it. I personally believe its a self esteem thing.

For example in a relationship/friendship not hearing from someone suddenly leads to hours of over analysis and pain that is only alleviated by a text or call from said person. This clearly isn't healthy so how do you fix it, you need to increase your own self esteem, boost your self worth. This is achievable and when you do it you will find that if someone does not keep an appointment or something occurs within a relationship then you are better equipped to handle it.

There are many ways to do it, self help books can be very helpful but if you feel its a huge problem seek some counselling , you would be surprised how many people do it.

While increasing your own self worth will help you enormously in every aspect of your life also do not be afraid to level criticism where it is due. As regards your friend based on what you described I think it would have been reasonable to expect a text saying "im sick cant make it". I know if i was meeting friends and couldn't I would let them know, its common courtesy. Its not massive thing and certainly not worth falling out over.


I remember your thread re your relationship , i think i posted in it, you were entitled to contact from the chap in question and even if you over reacted massively a simple call to establish the relationship was over would for me be a minimum courtesy, anyhow its pointless re hashing these situations i mention them just to show you that while your feelings/paranoia is over the top the actual causes or events making you feel that way are not completely your fault.