What have I become?

LegacyUser

I was with a guy not so long ago. It wasn't serious between us.

He started messing with my mind being a head wreck. I like to give people a chance realising that they have lifes, they may be caught up in things and people make mistakes. Eventually, I learned with this man that this was not the case and he was being a head wreck and that his behaviour wasn't right. I don't know if it was intentional to make me feel like crap or something or whether he was genuine but severely lacking cop on, respect, manners and empathy. When I awoke to his treatment of me and when he came to me for another shack up I talked to him (in a message because that's how we were communicating) how I was feeling, He used this as an excuse to fcek off on a whim.

He lied to me. Had no respect for me. No manners. No empathy. I was just a piece of meat to hump. He demeaned me. I was driven to despair and he didn't care how his actions impacted on me.

It wasn't easy dealing with all that but I kept busy. I met him out during the xmas and he ignored me when I said hello and acted like I didn't exist throwing cigarette butts my way in the smoking yard.

I did the worst thing possible during the xmas break and I dwelled on the situation running plenty of questions through my mind like whys and what ifs and if he was genuine...

I then did the worst thing possible. I became a bunny boiler. Nothing drastic but some fceked up things all the same. CRAZZZZY

It's stopped now. Thank god!

Now that I had time to reflect a bit on the situation. My mood reached an all time low over the situation. It was out frustration after being treated like dirt. Also to deliver a head wreak like what he did to me to give him a headache. Also to bring his ego down a notch or two or ten.

What have I become?

I don't believe in revenge. It's spiteful and malicious and solves nothing. When others wrong on me I take it in my stride. Why was I different with this situation?

We have mutual friends/acquintances. What does this mean for me for other relationships/friendships. I behaved disguistingly. If I am questioned do I be honest or deny? Goodness knows what he is talking about but no doubt he would paint himself in a good picture.

IrishEyes19

well firstly dont be so hard on yourself. Even if the person isnt right for you or treats you badly, its easy to become too emotionally involved in the siutation especially when they play head games.

you havent given details about what you did, but forget it now. The important thing is to learn from the relationship and ignore the creep. I wouldnt bother saying hello to him and dont be around him either. the best revenge is ignoring him and leaving him be, because he really isnt worth your time or effort.

and dont be worrying about your future relationships, just respect yourself and mind yourself and follow the philosophy that when a relationships smells bad, it probably is bad, therefore exit it before the head games start and when you exit, stay away from them.

As I said, the bunny boiler antics can easily happen when your too caught up. but you have to take responsibility for your actions now, next time, just dont let it get to that stage. all the best

qwertytlk

Hi,
well he sounds like a complete asshole! Treating you like an easy lay, and then when you confronted him about it he just dumps you. This guy is no good. Which thankfully you now know. The situation you describe with him thwring cigarette buts in your direction and not even being mature and civil enough to say hello back to you...well clearly he is an immature, selfish and ignorant fool. You are soooo much better off without this guy. As for wondering why you let him get to you so much? Well i suspect that you probably thought he was one of the good ones in the beginning and trusted him. You also probably liked him alot. So this means you would of gotten emotionally invested in the relationship,to an extent anyway. So when this happens and then someone tramples all over your feelings, its really hurtful so i dont blame you for getting a little crazy over it all. It happens to the best of us. As for the bunny boiler stuff and wondering what to say to mutual friends etc, well i cant really comment on that because without knowing more details or how far you went its very hard to say how people will react or percieve the situation. So all i can say there is that you should probably just be honest with them. Tell them how he treated you etc. If there any kind of decent friends they will understand and empathize with you and know that your not normally like that, so whatever you did, he must have done pretty bad to make you react like that! But as i said, thats just my opinon without knowing the extent of the situation its near impossible to judge how people will react.
Best of luck and just be thankful one good thing came out of all this-you saw this excuse of a man for what he was and your rid of him now! Move on and meet someone whose actions dont portray those of a 10 year old!

LegacyUser

Thank you for the advice.

Thank you sunflower for the book recommendation. I am waiting for it in the post.

qwertytlk,
The bunny boiler stuff was like sending loads and loads of emails telling him what I thought of him. I wrote some unbelievably crazy, horrible stuff and kept sending them until I got a response.
Cringe.

That's not like me at all. I know it all in my head, heart and soul that turning on my heal is the best thing to do. I feel worse now because I should have just taken the situation as it was and learn from it instead of causing him grief. It's like my brain was rewired after being damned.

I was thinking though he may not speak up to others because they may ask what he did for me to behave like that and being the person that he was he would probably like to keep his 'good' and 'charming' front to others but then again some men/people like to play the victim - I did nothing/she is a crazy b1tch card.

dellas1979

Yes he was quite mean to you and I can see why you acted like that, probably out of anger, but you shouldnt have done what you did (more so for your own mind), and you know that now. Sometimes when we behave out of anger, the worst comes out of us. Its better to deal with the anger, get your thoughts together and then maybe say/do something.

The power of hind sight can be both bitter and sweet. Bitter because you have to live with the consequences of your actions, and sweet because you will learn from this and (hopefully) if something like this happens again, youll just leave it. The past is the past. You cant change it. Just be calm, keep your head down and deal or cope with what is in front of you.