Small or big weddings

confused couple

Small or Big Wedding
We need a bit of advice from couples who are married about two-five years and have had a big wedding or small wedding. At the start we were planning a big wedding, the guest list kept getting bigger 300+, dont ask how we came to it but it did, we were afraid we would offend people.

We havent told many people about our plans to get married as we didnt want anyone elso getting involved, we have gotten some adivse from two older people in their 50's,(non relatives) they dont know each other and both suggested immediate family only.

Has anyone had any regrets about having a small wedding. We have found in the last two years we have been invited to a lot of big weddings and there is always people giving out about them, people see them as a summons in the post, the thing is if they werent invited they would be giving out as well, you cant please people.

Out of curiosity has anyone gone to a venue this year looking for a date and met with an answer of you should have booked that long ago? We have visited seven venues and only two of the venues had a team with nice people.

What are peoples views on midweek weddings?

We are so confused, we only decided we would get married two weeks ago and everything is begining to feel like a headache.

We were hoping to get married in November 2012 and now we are thinking April 2013

campo

I have been married previously and I had a big wedding with over 200 guest and for me personally I hated it why you may ask

1. Cost me a fortune
2. I was paying for people I did not really know like cousins etc to eat and drink
3.Got to spend very little time with my partner as we felt we had to mingle and thank people for coming


So long story short marraige did not work out and now I am getting married again soon and the 1st thing we decided was we are only going to invite people we really wanted there like close friends and family, which worked out at 60 people I think this will work out more romantic and intimate as we can share the day with people we love darely and who love us and at a cost that does not break the bank, also will be much more relaxing during a day that is stressful enough

But this is just my opinion

Oh and also I am getting Married in Nov 2012 on a Thursday have left all guest know this in advance and it has not caused a issue btw getting married in Kinnity Castle Offaly and there staff have been fab

Sleepy

We're sort of in the middle, will be inviting about 170, including all the aunts and uncles to keep the parents happy but n and just the cousins we'd meet up with for things other than weddings/funerals etc.

It's the friends list I actually find it harder to reduce. We've both got friends who we're close to but only see once a year or so due to us having small kids, being broke and not having family nearby enough to babysit (there's only so many times you can invite people around to your place before they want you to visit them or join them in a bar/restaurant/concert etc.). Seeing a lot of these friends on the day is actually part of it I'm really looking forward to!

clint_silver

Married late 90s, Had 150 to meal and as the hotel was near to where we both lived in dublin and we were in mid 20s, had well over 50 to afters so quite a full room. It was brilliant and would have had even more if we could to the full thing, each to their own but Intimate be damned, we had the party of all parties that night.

On the money thing, I dont know if its because of the online forums people are now getting more savvy about what happens at weddings like getting cash gifts and factoring it against costs but we were definitely not aware of it at the time and hadnt factored 1 penny from any gifts when budgeting the wedding. I think total cost was about 12k irish at the time but we received nearly 10k in cash gifts. We were just stunned and thinking about it afters, if we had invited the other 50 people that came to afters we would have had made the entire cost back in gifts. We thanked a lot of people afterwards, some who were overly generous and we received more then one comment along the lines that as it was so close to home they would have spent that money on accommodation anyway so didn't mind putting it in envelope. I would urge anyone not to budget for it as its an unknown but cash in envelopes is a reality.

Moonbeam

We had a very small wedding of about 15 and then we are having the big wedding next year.
You could have a small family wedding then a huge party or buffet in the evening.

Borderfox

My two cents would swing to small weddings, I shot one in the Constitution Room in the Shelbourne before Christmas and it was such a personal affair. I have seen quite a few different styles/sizes of wedding and imo smaller is better

Midweek should give you better choice but then again a lot of people are going that direction.

Best of luck with your choice

John Mason

i am getting married in April and having 40 to the service and the meal.

then about a 80-100 to the party afterwards.

no-one has been offend as it was made very clear that it was going to be a small affair.

and tbh if they were offended, i really couldnt careless. its our wedding day not theirs

Julybride

We are getting married in July and are aiming to have a maximum number of 100 people. I think this is down to each individual but I would not want a bigger wedding than that. 100 people is a big number in my books but venues consider it as a small wedding! I would not invite anybody I do not consider as a friend, my wedding is not a gathering to get back in touch with "friends"!

username123

I had the ultimate small wedding, my husband and I eloped and got married in fantastically beautiful place in a different country.

There was no one at our wedding but ourselves, the minister, our driver, the hotel catering manager and a photographer - the catering manager and photographer were a couple themselves who stood as our witnesses.

It was AMAZING and people often tell us (after their own big wedding) that they wish theyd done what we did.

Our wedding was all about US. We had it exactly as we wanted and the day was the most wonderful day of my life, and he says the same. It was so romantic, so different, it was purely about celebrating our own private love for each other. Its really incomparable, because any wedding Ive even been to has guests and we didnt. For both of us, the marriage was what was important, not the wedding 'party'. We wanted intimate, romantic, beautiful, peace, calm, and an opportunity to be with each other and be undisturbed by life.

We did have great fun phoning home afterwards to tell people we'd gotten married

We did have a party for 100ish people when we came home. I would have liked to have been a guest at that party rather than a host, it was a great party but I dont like being the centre of attention and having to mingle and talk to everyone was hard work!

Daisy M

We had a big wedding approx 200 people. There were some people there whom we didnt know that well -friends of our parents mainly. We really had a fantastic day and I am glad for our parents that they were able to share their childrens day with their close friends and family too. It was to the best of my memory that we as a couple had all our close friends attend, usually when there is an event someone is unable to attend but luckily they all made our wedding some travelling long distances. I have been at a few small weddings approx 60/70 people and had a lovely day. The only negative I had was in the evening the venue was too big and the dance floor looked empty so it was hard to get in the party mood, a smaller venue would have been better.
I think each to their own, take your time to make your decision and dont feel pressured either way. People who are close to you wont see an invite as a sentance they will be glad to be part of your day.

Malari

What's a small wedding? I would have though 50 people or less?

lazygal

Ours was...medium? Invited 100, had 92 on the day. I hate attending massive weddings where every last aunt, uncle and cousin has been invited to fill a hotel function room, so we didn't go for that. It was a nice size. I wouldn't have gone any bigger though.

I know more than one couple who've taken the advice of that godawful wedding planner Franc and asked over 250 to 'cover their costs'-one guy actually said it in a really matter of fact way as if everyone was doing it. So now when I'm at a big wedding I always wonder if the couple just want their guests to pay for their wedding day.

Penny Dreadful

I'm getting married in June and it appears that we're having what I call a big wedding- 145 on the guest list and pressure to add more.
I'm quite bothered by the number and would be delighted it is was only 100.
If I was to plan this again, I'd do it all before telling anyone that I'd gotten engaged and just give them the details with the news and let them know it was a small wedding and they could like it or lump it.

Go small would be my vote.

dub8

i guess its each to there own on something like this ! we were initially going to do a wedding of approx 150 , wanted small but as usual when you start doing lists , you end up having to invite certain people because you invited so and so , can get ou of hand , especially you if you have a lot of aunts and uncles! OUr circumstances havesince changed and we are now downsizing the whole affair to just immediate family and close friends, approx 30 or so people , and i have i say i couldnt be happier ! i feel much less stressed about the whole thing , which i think is the way it should be ! am really looking forward to it ! miind you i havent told my parents yet, waiting to find the right time ! :cool: but i have friends who are doing big weddings and are really excited about it , amd i have nothing against it , whatever makes you happy !

Toto Wolfcastle

lazygal wrote: »

I know more than one couple who've taken the advice of that godawful wedding planner Franc and asked over 250 to 'cover their costs'-one guy actually said it in a really matter of fact way as if everyone was doing it. So now when I'm at a big wedding I always wonder if the couple just want their guests to pay for their wedding day.

Think that was Eddie Hobbs. It's still terrible advice and I can't believe people actually do it.

ABajaninCork

Originally tried to plan a 'small' wedding in London. Didn't work, as the costs were hideous, and loads of people we had to invite...

Switched wedding to Cork. Believe it or not, costs were much cheaper here, even in Celtic Tiger times. Had a nice medium-sized wedding (100 people) and we had everyone we wanted there. Lots of my friends came from London, family from the West Indies, and all the Irish from London & Cork. It was fabulous!

But - have what you want, and what you can afford. I can't get over the fact that some people think that by inviting guests and asking for cash it'll 'cover their costs'. Now that times have changed , and money's so tight for everyone, it seems foolish to expect that people will stump up cash. If you get money, then great! But don't expect to get enough money to cover the wedding. A little assumption is a dangerous thing...

whiteandlight

Just had what is termed a big wedding before christmas! Invited 300 had 198 on the day. (no afters) it was the best day of my life. We shook hands with everyone at the church and legged it around the tables to all the adults (skipped our friends tables) between courses and come 9pm after the speeches the night was our own. I danced more than I have ever danced in my life and wound up with a singsong in the bar with my friends and some remnants of other guests who had stuck it out til 5am. It was an amazing day and I loved it as did the husband!