spending the life alone

LegacyUser

hi all,

I know this is an issue so many people are facing but it's still so hard to bare and I would like to tell my story and might get some good opinions or points to think about.

I'm feeling very desperate for a very long time already, I have the feeling of big hopelessness for my life.
The thing is, I'm a very nice person, people like me, I'm good looking and seem to have a pleasant personality. Although I'm constantly alone. I have never a partner (well, I had, but that's many, many years ago) and I find it hard to find real friends.

I just turned 39 and I would have liked to have a family already and a stable relationship but that doesn't seem to be a thing I'm able to achieve at all.

For the last years I'm just emotionally drained as I had to deal with disappointments in workplaces as well as in personal encounters.

I'm just at my wits end with me and my life. I'm out of energy, litterally spoken my battery is empty and I don't know where or how to charge it. Thing is, I don't trust people at all anymore after all the things happened.
I think I'm just too sensitive for this world.

sorry for the whining, but maybe there are some people here who have some great thoughts where I can't think about it anymore.

thanks for replies.

musicinyou

you know a while ago i was feeling very similar! i took a step back and i chose to relax, i believe when you look for love you will never find it, maybe like me it beguins to show in things you do or maybe say, i believe if you stop looking and wanting things will change, maybe if you admit to yourself that your ready to love and be loved it will change the concept of what is happening instead of looking for love!, as it is i tell myself im very lucky to be alive and well given everything I read and see on the news!

39 is still a very small number, when the wind changes sometimes the situation changes also, but maybe Just believe that things will change!

Beruthiel

It's your attitude OP.
Your attitude towards life, towards yourself, towards other people, towards your expectations.

At 39, you should not feel drained.
Sure, life can be at times tiring as you get older but a good nights sleep normally sorts that out.

I'd suggest you go talk to a professional in order that they might help you with your attitude and outlook.
You also need to push yourself. Focus the mind.
Write up a bucket list if it helps and start doing the stuff on it asap.
Is there anywhere you've always wanted to visit?
Something you've always wanted to try?
Time for a mental kick in the ass OP.
Life is for living. For enjoying. Get on with it!

starrynightsky

I know every situation is different, and I only know what you've written here but I'll give you my 2pence worth anyway!
I'm assuming you're a woman? Not that it matters as such, but as a woman I know how much pressure we are all under in our 30s to have found this life long partner and achieved happiness, success, love, children and stability. But its a trap, and a cycle situation. First of all, the more you want these things the more you pressure yourself into finding them, added to which you have the dreaded ticking clock which - even if you deny it or even if you don't even want children - can be there in the background ticking away wrecking your head. So you want all these things and you want them by a certain time.
Break free! I know its easier said but actually the most important thing is this: you're alive, today. Its totally cliche but think forward to being an old lady looking back at you now aged 39 - wouldn't you be regretting worrying at all?
Now that's not to discount your worries and emotions because they're valid and real and believe me, I've had them. But the more you focus on what you don't have, the more you'll never get it...
You really need to LOVE YOURSELF. Love every bit of yourself and become your own biggest fan. Seriously. What do you enjoy? Do it. Treat yourself.
The first thing you need is friends, and you can meet people easier than you think once you start loving yourself and having a positive attitude. If at all possible, and perhaps its not, but travel somewhere - for example, you can sign up to a volunteer agency or a travel group and go somewhere for even 3 weeks. Its a fantastic way to make friends and even though they might be from all corners of the earth it can give you the confidence to meet people, plus you always have someone to visit in the future. Whenever I've travelled I've met loads of totally random people of ALL ages...go to a USIT office or Google a country you'd like to go. It might be financially impossible for you right now, but it could be the investment of a lifetime. I took a credit union loan to travel to Asia two years ago after a bad break up and I was a new woman when I cam back.
My last tip is this - try, try as hard as you can to overcome any fears or shyness that you have. People are mostly all self-doubting and worry a lot more than they let on, even the most outwardly confident. Realise that everyone is the same, everyone wants something that they don't have, fears something that they can't do, worries and regrets. Just love and accept yourself and get out there:D...and everything else will fall into place.

LegacyUser

op here, thanks very much for all your kind replies and very good advice.
It's all very true what you are saying and I know all this things as well. but I'm obviously at a point where I don't have any hope and as I know all this is true it's not reaching my feelings/that I feel better.
It's just that I tried all this for the last 20 years and it lead to nothing but things falling apart around me and I reached a limit now.
I know it's not helping but it's just the way it is.
I even did long counselling in the past and I know so much about myself and others.

I did as well the traveling thing, fulfilled my dream and went to australia last year to check out the country, and if it might be possible to find a job.
I really loved the country and the trip but it didn't change the way how low I feel now being here again.
I know I am really depressed and I need a good counseller probably again. I'm in the process of finding somebody but even that proofs to be difficult.

sherbett32

ok maybe i'm going to tell you that alll is not "happily ever after" that you might want. I"M 42 yes people do live after 40. I WAS married from 20-30, then in an 8 year relationship. last year I finally drew a line under a relationship that was not right for me.

I'm on my own. I might never meet somebody again although I hope I do. But if I don't I have a great life, I'm very happy. Life is not about getting to a finishing point but for living.

Do all the things suggested here, keep busy &you'll be great.