Does not normally happen

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Yes probably a deceptive Thread title in hindsight but I think it grabs peoples attention !

Anyways I am making this post here as I am in an uncomfortable situation ..
For clarity I am a fella in his mid to early twenties and have moved to Dublin for work over a year ago. I would not consider myself awkward around women or anything have had a few girlfriends in the past, and when single I feel I do fine, I am confident enough in myself its just in situations with friends I thread very carefully.

So I have this friend, we met over a year ago when we both moved to Dublin, through a very good mutual friend of both of us, she was living with our friend for their first year in Dublin, we have always got along really well, had great craic, the only time we would meet is when our group would go out. Now amoungst our group of mutual friends I had never kept it a secret that I had a thing for her ( did not tell her obviously, that woud of been smart herr durr ) ... but I did not want to jepordize our friendship because that is the one group of friends I have in Dublin I enjoying going out with ( and our group had just witnessed a massive falling out of two of our mates who were " **** buddies " which went to **** and now they don't talk to each other ) so if it makes sense I was being careful

Oh I should also Clarify that I think she is hot, I mean perfect, probably better looking then I deserve ( I am confident but know my short comings ).

Anyways I had put the idea out of my head and it really was all fine, just being friends, I mean I had really gotten over it, then one night, we were at a house party everything normal, at the end we were all locked and in the situation of 3 or 4 to a bed so as has happened a few times I end up in a bed with 3 other people and the person next to me happens to be my friend in question, so when everyone else has passed out ( I am on the verge myself ) she tells me to come closer because I am almost falling out, which I do, and now for the life of me I cannot remember who kissed who, I really can't and I am trying to figure it out, but we will work under the assumption that it takes two to tango. So we share this long passionate kiss, then bang door swings open and out mutual friend bursts in locked and hardly able to walk, the bed is already full so the girl gets up and lets our friend have her place to sleep, and she leaves the room and we all fall asleep, in my mind I am still thinking wtf just happened was I dreaming ??? Next morning we act all normal and everthing and it all goes back to normal.

So it continues normal with no talk fo it for a month or so I had again painfully put the idea out of my head as I find her quite kryptic, never texts me or anyhting like that just the kind of " great friends on a night out " malarky like we have alwas been. Then one random night, I decided to go for a beer with our mutual friend, when I arrive at the pub I find she has also come along, great the more the merrier ( I should say its not overtly awkward or anything, just maybe I feel a little ) Drinking away we all end up smashed and back to their house for another drink, an hour later and our mutual friend who can hardly keep her eyes open goes to bed, and I begin to curl up to sleep on the couch as I often have expecting us all to go to bed when the girl in question arrives back into the sitting room with more beers, great I was thinking more beer ! So we sit and chat for a while, having a laugh go out for a smoke, and again I really can't remember who kissed who but it happened again, I think this time probably more me ! She then says I can sleep in her room, splendid. Anyways we get into her bed and the first thing she says is " We won't be having sex ", which lasted all about 5 minutes, at which point we had amazing sex, she really is beautiful. The next morning I wake up and think " **** did I just take advantage of my drunk friend ? ", alas no, when she woke up she wanted to go again in the morning, which again was fantastic.

So another two months of normality passed, we went otu a few times but didn't score or anything, each night I would not press it, but still be dissapointed if it didn't happen if you know what I mean ? So then again on a night out, I had really put the idea out of my head again, and this time she pulls me away form our mates to go for a smoke just the two of us, talking away then brought me out on the dance floor, and this time I said "**** it" and I kissed her, after 5 minutes she invited me back to hers ( was closing time anyways ) and we set off, for another ****ing fantastic night, ( would women go down on guys they don't actually like ? ).

Flash forward to now, and I am in the ****ing twilight zone with her, we don't score often enough to be **** buddies, and I know she is not one for boyfriends or anything, but I am just quite confused, I REALLY like her, but now that almost all of our mutual friends have left Dublin, its just the two of us and she is one of the ONLY friends I have left up here who I actually enjoying meeting for drinks/social reasons, we are still great friends and all, but I can't decide, due to work, and people visiting we have yet still to go for 1 to 1 drinks with each other, I know she is terribly busy at work and so am I but the few times we made plans it had to be canceled, which is quite disheartening, I don't understand why she would have sex with me and then dodge my very slow and subtle advances ( testing the water if you would ), We recently went to a different city our whole group for a party, on that night I was really really drunk, and she ended up leaving the party to score an old fling of hers ( which yes It did hurt a little when I found out but I have also been scoring other people, mostly to try and get her out of my head ) but that night she tried to hide it from me, which I found intreging, how she would try to save me some grief.

I think I am meeting her soon for one on one drinks as well, and I am not sure what advice I am looking for really, I can't stop thinking about her but don't want to burn the only bridge I have here, I try to talk to her and stuff, but it just ends up being the Friendzone facebook chat talks if you get me, which is fine we are friends but I don't know how to approach it, do I think we will score again ? Probably, but its not healthy for me ....

Beruthiel

It is very simple.
Quit getting twisted drunk and messing around with her.
Go have a coffee and tell her how you feel about the whole situation.
Be up front and honest and let the chips fall where they may.

ManOfMystery

+1 for what Beruthiel said.

You have 3 options here from what I can see.

1) Let things continue on as they are. Which is obviously not ideal, seeing as it's become an issue for you and you're posting on here about it.

2) Stop sleeping/scoring with her and try to just be friends with no complications.

3) Tell her how you feel. Put your cards on the table. Not when you're drunk, or in a bar ..... do it over coffee or even at each other's house. I wouldn't recommend doing it over dinner somewhere public, because if you don't get a response you like then you still have to sit through the rest of the evening.

Either way, I think the situation calls for some action now on your part rather than lettings things meander on.

Good luck.

username123

Oh my god!! She probably thinks youre not that into her but that she is ok to be with if youre drunk and nothing else is happening.

So talk to her about it and stop just scoring her when youre drunk, its disrespectful. I cant believe that you or she doesnt bring it up afterwards - its not mature to have sex with someone then say nothing.

ManOfMystery

username123 wrote: »

Oh my god!! She probably thinks youre not that into her but that she is ok to be with if youre drunk and nothing else is happening.

So talk to her about it and stop just scoring her when youre drunk, its disrespectful. I cant believe that you or she doesnt bring it up afterwards - its not mature to have sex with someone then say nothing.

That's a good point, the girl may think he's not that interested in anything serious if stuff only ever happens when they're both drunk or been out partying.

It always amazes me how people can get naked with each other and do whatever, yet can't say how much they like each other ..........

James W

The common theme of your thread is alcohol and getting of your face. Have you ever been intimate with this girl without being twisted and if not why not?

This girl sounds messy to me and, on the basis of what you say, I very much doubt if she has any interest in a serious relationship. However, the only way you will know for sure is to have the balls to ask her - stop being a coward! If you like her as much as you claim then why not be honest and let her know. Drop her an email or tell her when you meet for a drink.

As for you references to f*c* buddies - I think it is an extremely derogatory term.

James W

ManOfMystery wrote: »

That's a good point, the girl may think he's not that interested in anything serious if stuff only ever happens when they're both drunk or been out partying.

It always amazes me how people can get naked with each other and do whatever, yet can't say how much they like each other ..........

It's fear - fear of rejection and being hurt - pretty natural really.

Graciefacey

Sorry to be blunt but I think she's playing you. The common denominator of just being smashed constantly is not healthy and quite immature so I'm guessing you're both late teens perhaps? You can never gauge someones true feelings when drunk, but if she doesnt contact you when sober i'd imagine she's not interested in anything more than a bunk up

username123

Graciefacey wrote: »

....but if she doesnt contact you when sober i'd imagine she's not interested in anything more than a bunk up

She could just as easily be thinking the same about him.

beks101

I have a suggestion. Leave the booze out of it. Meet her sober and be honest with her about how you feel.

It seems every single hook-up you've had with her was alcohol-fuelled, which makes it easy for both of you to dismiss them. 'She was probably so drunk she didn't know what she was doing'/'he probably doesn't even remember' etc. It's an unhealthy basis on which to start a relationship anyway.

If she's knocking your offers to meet up then that's another thing, but why not just meet for coffee? She's been stuck in your head for what, years now? If she doesn't feel/want the same then at least finding that out will offer you closure. If she does...:)