He's left me a mess

LegacyUser

Im posting here after a horrible "relationship" I was in ended. It ended weeks ago. Cant really call it a relationship. as it was on off and he used me and lied to me. He said terrible things as well so Im really upset.

Anyway, fast forward. Im not getting over this. Ive done everything by the books, no contact, havent texted him, no access to social network accounts to remind me. Ive tried to occupy myself. Which is actually very hard, as Im currently out of a job and my friends are living some distance from me.

Im still miserable however, I keep mulling over what he said and the horrible words are driving me crazy, Im so hurt by his actions and his lack of decency. Im also annoyed that despite all this I still love him. But Im going crazy. I dont feel theres any light at the end of the tunnel for me regarding this. Im also humiliated, I was taken for a fool, and god only knows what he has told his friends.

Even if he said sorry it would make some difference, but I havent heard a word from him. Do people ever regret hurting someone. Does he? Its so unfair that Im a mess and he's out there swanning around.

squonk

OP, he's out there swanning around because he's a prick. Pure and simple. People of decency might lash out from time to time and say some horrible things but I think once the blood has cooled somewhat we would tend to realise what arses we've been and apologise, and hope that the person concerned accepts our apology.

It's very easy to wall yourself off, especially in your situation and even relatively small things can grow into mountains when you've got nothing to do all day but mull them over. In your case things are more serious. I really would suggest that you try and reconnect with your hobbies and friends. Join a class of some sort and just get yourself out of the house. Now the weather is nice, wrap yourself up well and head out for a walkand clear your head. All of this negativity is largely his problem. It's not yours and he most likely sought to hurt you because he was unhappy himself. Happy people don't lash out at others and cause them harm.

So, first off, none of this is your fault. He is the one that needs help and to get himself sorted out. Try to get into some social groups around you and get involved in other activities. If you're part of a book club for instance and suddenly finding you're complaining because you're never going to have that book finished by the next meeting, it means you're focused on something other than your rotten ex and are moving on.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

squonk wrote: »

OP, he's out there swanning around because he's a prick. Pure and simple. People of decency might lash out from time to time and say some horrible things but I think once the blood has cooled somewhat we would tend to realise what arses we've been and apologise, and hope that the person concerned accepts our apology.

It's very easy to wall yourself off, especially in your situation and even relatively small things can grow into mountains when you've got nothing to do all day but mull them over. In your case things are more serious. I really would suggest that you try and reconnect with your hobbies and friends. Join a class of some sort and just get yourself out of the house. Now the weather is nice, wrap yourself up well and head out for a walkand clear your head. All of this negativity is largely his problem. It's not yours and he most likely sought to hurt you because he was unhappy himself. Happy people don't lash out at others and cause them harm.

So, first off, none of this is your fault. He is the one that needs help and to get himself sorted out. Try to get into some social groups around you and get involved in other activities. If you're part of a book club for instance and suddenly finding you're complaining because you're never going to have that book finished by the next meeting, it means you're focused on something other than your rotten ex and are moving on.

Best of luck!

thanks for your reply. the problem here, is the last arguement happened because of me, because I was annoyed at how he behaved and I randomly did get angry and tell him how I felt he was acting. so he effectively cut me off and told me I was in the wrong. its a horrible situation. I only lashed out because I couldnt take it anymore.

Oryx

hurtandlonely wrote: »

thanks for your reply. the problem here, is the last arguement happened because of me, because I was annoyed at how he behaved and I randomly did get angry and tell him how I felt he was acting. so he effectively cut me off and told me I was in the wrong. its a horrible situation. I only lashed out because I couldnt take it anymore.

Remember the bit Ive highlighted. Sure, you caused the last row, but it was based on his attitude towards you which you couldnt take. You wanted him to apologise and show caring towards you, and you lashed out in frustration because he didnt do that. Youre not the bad guy here, this was simply a toxic relationship with a man who didnt care as much about you as you did about him. It sounds to me like you are still holding out for him to show you something, anything, to prove that he felt something and that you werent an idiot for loving him.

You werent an idiot for loving him, btw. But instead of raking back over what happened and feeling that you reacted badly, you need to really let him, and those regrets, go. Harder than it sounds I know.