A very shy groom who won't "speech" !! Any advice?

Spanish Eyes

Hi all,

My baby sister is getting married early next year. She is a late starter nearly 40 OMG!! Has been with oh for 17 years believe it or not, and they have finally decided to tie the knot. I'm delighted for her, and as I am chief Bridie on the day I'm double delighted!

Her OH is a lovely man, but would not stand up and say boo to anyone to save his (or her) life. This is becoming a problem for them. He says no way, she says you have to. Great start to married life eh!

Anyway, has anyone gotten over this? I empathise with the man, I think speeches are so overrated anyway, and can cause panic in those who have to speak and spoil the day somewhat.

I suggested that I would do the speeches, all of them! Our lovely Dad has passed away, and Mum had a stroke so cannot speak too good. The BM is OK about doing speaking, but feels a bit of a nimpty if he can't call on himself to say something.

I am trying to get sis to turn around to a lighthearted bit of craic from me and her.

Don't get me wrong, her OH is a pussycat, but speeches, no way.

And.... it will only be 20 guests, all immediate family, no pals. That party will come at a later point.

Any advice?

I think I know the answer, but need to hear someone say it. Do your speeches whatever way you want right? But darling sis is a bit worried about the maiden aunts and tradition. Get the drift?

MagicMarker

It's the groom, it's his wedding, if he doesn't want to do a speech then he doesn't have to. It's no big deal. Tell the bride to stfu in fairness.

gowayouttadat

MagicMarker wrote: »

It's the groom, it's his wedding, if he doesn't want to do a speech then he doesn't have to. It's no big deal. Tell the bride to stfu in fairness.

There is no way my boyfriend will make a speech at our wedding. I havent even asked him if he wants to as I know what the answer will be and that's fine by me. Both dads can speak if they want to but that'll be it. She shouldnt make him if he doesn't want to. It's his day too.

Toto Wolfcastle

Tbh if he doesn't want to make a speech I wouldn't push the issue.

I stand in front of classes of 32 everyday no problem but if I had to make a speech in front of 20 family members I wouldn't be comfortable. Your sister needs to think about whether it's more important for her fiancé to say a few words or for him to be comfortable on his wedding day.

clappyhappy

Poor guy,I think he would enjoy the run up to the day and the day itself if he knew there were no speeches,if both bride and groom agree maybe you could just do a thank you to all involved on behalf of them both. If its such a small group they must know how shy he is and they will understand. Enjoy it and well done on your concern for them both

ElleEm

I totally agree with the other posters, its his wedding day, he should feel happy and at ease and not under pressure to perform. With only twenty people present, I would wonder why they'd bother with speeches at all.

millee

Get him to join Toastmasters, they are fantastic, they help people overcome the fear of public speaking in a very friendly supportive enviorment .

Zaph

When my sister got married the best man was so nervous about making his speech he could hardly eat his dinner. Instead he had a few drinks to calm his nerves, but even then when it came to his speech he could barely get out a few words for a toast to the happy couple. He was on his feet for less than a minute I reckon, and having seen what the poor guy endured I'd never insist on someone making a speech if they really didn't want to. It's bad enough spoiling the best man's day, but you really don't want to spoil the groom's.

Dolbert

I was at two weddings where there were no speeches and it was great tbh. At the first, the bride & groom just stood up together, thanked everyone for coming and had a toast, that was it! At the other, instead of speeches they just had a slideshow set to music, it was lovely.

D3PO

give the guy a beak is he not entitled to enjoy his wedding day without having it ruined by the fear of him having to do a speach he doesnt want to just becasue the bride says he has to ?

Thats a joke he can do what he likes and shouldnt be pushed to do otherwise.

Bridezilla alert.

ronan45

He doesnt have too, If he is coerced and forced into it he will resent it. It will also have him in fear coming towards the date. Dont pressure the poor fella. Speeches are just not for some folk.

seamus

Ultimately the groom's speech is really a speech on behalf of the couple, so there's no reason why the bride can't get up and give that speech.

She could even make a joke about how she's getting married life started on right foot by taking control now rather than later on.

Al Capwned

As big as he sees the problem now, if he is forced into making a speech, that problem will be magnified in his head over and over again until he gets to a point that he can think of nothing else - it will completely ruin what, as other posters have said, is his day too.

I think if it's that big a problem for him, the bride is being completely unfair and selfish to force him into doing it imo.

poldebruin

Hi OP. Completely agree with the majority verdict here - if he doesn't want to do it, so be it. If it is such a close group of friends everyone will know what to expect and will be fine with whatever he decides.

I didn't give a speech at my wedding, beyond thanking everyone for coming and to ask everyone to enjoy the night. That's all I felt was needed and was happy with that. (though my wife was unhappy that I didn't wax lyrical about her for 20 minutes!)

A2LUE42

Why don't you look at it from a different angle.

He doesn't make a speech, but does stand up and say thanks to everyone for coming and he hopes they all have a lovely time. 10 seconds, max.

It may be the 'speech' aspect that is putting him off. With that expectation removed and by not calling it a speech, he may be more comfortable and be able to do the 'thank you'.

silly

My husband did not want to make a speech. He told me we would have been married a year earlier only he was stalling on it because the thought of making a speech was bringing him out in cold sweats.
He surprised us all on the day with a brilliant speech, we were all shocked! Boy was I glad we got a video!

I didn't push him on it though. I told him he didn't have to make a speech.

It's not just the brides day, it's the grooms day also, and if there is going to be something making him uncomfortable on this important day then it would be very unfair of her to insist on it.

Borderfox

Similar case to Silly, Groom was really worried about his speech but they said he didnt have to do one and he did in the end and they couldnt stop him then!!

Half a xanax?

Borderfox

Similar case to Silly, Groom was really worried about his speech but they said he didnt have to do one and he did in the end and they couldnt stop him then!!

Half a xanax?

djk1000

Xanax has got me through a couple of speeches :-)

I used to absolutely hate speaking in public, if the groom is like I was, then his day will be completely ruined from start to finish from the stress and anticipation of having to give a speech. Not fair on him at all.

Clare Bear

Leave him do what he wants. It's his day too. I think it's really lousy of her to be putting such pressure on him to be honest. I know if it was me I'd rather die than stand up in front of people like that and make a big speech, it isn't for everyone. My brother was best man at a wedding last year and did a great job but he said he didn't enjoy the weddnig until after he did the speech because he was so nervous and just wanted it to be over with, you don't want the groom to feel that way on his own wedding day.

Dostoevsky

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Her OH is a lovely man, but would not stand up and say boo to anyone to save his (or her) life. This is becoming a problem for them. He says no way, she says you have to. Great start to married life eh

Breathtaking. The selfishness of some women on a day which they are officially supposed to share with somebody whom they love is incredible. Immature, offensive and displaying little empathy for his position or love for him. It's all about a stupid fúcking bullshít commercially-driven female ideal. Blinkered. As I said before, these women and their march towards their ideal wedding can see every offence in the world except the most obvious one.

I hope that guy has enough sense of self to not let bridezilla emotionally blackmail him into doing something which he does not feel comfortable with. My oh wanted that crap. I didn't and that was it. No debate. She got her massive wedding, but not me standing in front of them all talking. No. She can do what she wants, and I can respect that. But respect is a two-way street, bridezillas.

There should be a minimum age for marriage - say, 40 - because the number of petulant, spoilt brat, children with childish intolerant ideas getting married is ferocious.

Ginny

Can she not make a speech herself? We both said a few words on they day, we both hate speeches but we went into the marriage as equals and so we both wanted to say something short and sweet. If my Husband told me he wouldn't do one I'd have no issues with being the one to get up. No one HAS to do anything on their Wedding day, they should do what the want.