help, please!

garciaanon

This is going to be a long post, but I have to get this out or its just going to kill me.

I can't figure out how to post anon, so I set this account up solely for the purpose of posting it, but if any mod knows how to make me anon after the post I'd appreciate it. I know I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for what I'm going to post here but I need to get it out..

I'm currently, Im pretty sure, suffering from a bad depression bout. There has Been an awful lot of change in my life in the past eight months and I'm not handling it.

I found out I was pregnant in April of last year, but I was very desperately ill. My kidneys were starting to fail and I had torn my stomach lining from vomiting, and from the day I found out I was unable to work.. I knew I would end up being on benefits and would loose my job, myself and my partner weren't ready foe the responsibility and because I couldn't work, and I am considered the breadwinner, we couldn't afford it. Also I got accepted into college as a mature student for a course I'd always wanted to do.

Because of my health and my access to doctors in other countries where abortion is legal, doctors in the country my boyfriend was from were able to give me impartial advice. I was told I'd be on the waiting list for a kidney transplant before the baby was born and I might not survive to see her third birthday.

I had an abortion. It was the best choice for me, I think, even without the health issues I probably would have had it. Only one of my friends and my mother knows, anyone else who knows thought I lost it. But the guilt of having to lie about this just tears me apart. I do not regret it, but this past month since the due date I am filled with loss. On top of that, I've moved half way across the country to start college, and left all my friends behind.

I cant connect with anyone here, I miss my old life. Somedays I cant even get out of bed, god knows how I managed to pass my Christmas exams. I've just started a second semester but it's getting to the point where leaving the house becomes frightening. my sex life has taken a nose dive because I just feel rotten on the inside, and I'm terrified I'm going to loose my loving and wonderful boyfriend. I do not regret the decision I made, but I just feel so lost at the moment.

Advice on what to do? Please?

WhyGoBald

Oh you poor thing. No one with any heart would give you abuse. You had no choice but to do what you did.

If you are not getting treatment for your depression, please go to the campus doctor. What you need to realise is that your sadness is causing problems in your life, but also to see problems that are not there, if you know what I mean. You need treatment for your depression and counselling for what you went through. Please don't be afraid that you will be judged. I am usually anti-abortion, but you had absolutely no choice. You need to talk about it and come to terms with it.

Good luck, I am wishing you all the best.

squonk

Hi OP. As others said, you haven't really done anything wrong in this case. Your health was at risk and you did what you needed to do at the time. Personally speaking I think our country as a whole needs to get over itself and facilitate abortion if it's a course of action somebody wants to take. Having to go away probably cut you off from after care I would imagine as perhaps a referral might be harder. You definitely need to go and get sme counselling. While I'm not anti-abortion, I would definitely think that the service needs to be available with a back up counselling service in place for those who use it. Having said that too, because you were so sick and a lot of change happened also, it can be hard to keep up with that at the best of times. Sometimes you just need help. I moved across the country last year for work and also had some medical issues to sort out so, for a while, it was a real whirlwind. It was only later on that I had a chance to sit down and take stock and think 'God, wasn't all that a bit mad'. Now, fortunately for me, I enjoyed where I ended up and the job I was doing but moving out of your routine and the things you know can be stressful sometimes so some counselling would help. Best of luck.

Oryx

Abortion is not just a medical procedure. It is a complicated and emotional decision, too. Add to that the fact that youve been very ill, and are now unable to explain fully whats gone on to those around you, and Im not surprised youre finding it tough going.

On the one hand, youre dealing with incredible relief that the pregnancy is over, on the other hand you have guilt and grief over what youve done. I know you ended this pregnancy, but you had to make that choice for you. And thats ok, and it is done. You need to accept that and make your peace with it, and it may take counselling to do that. Also, you do need to grieve for what might have been, grief which is there no matter how sensible your decision was or how relieved you are now.

My advice is do not continue to carry this burden alone. Talk to a college counsellor, a doctor or a close friend. Or all three. Your body has recovered from this, now you need to begin the process of allowing your mind to heal too. You accept medical help when you have a physical problem, so dont feel bad about getting help with the emotional aspects too.