Straight guy crushing on lesbian friend!

LegacyUser

So yeah pretty much as the title suggests,

I've gone unregistered for this one as I don't really know what to do about it yet, I've been friends with a girl for over 10 years and we've always been good friends but have become closer the last while, i've begun to get feelings of more than friendship towards her, but she came out a couple of years back. I'm not so sure if she's bi or gay to be honest, I really dont know what to do about it all,

Anyone ever have any similar experiences or advice?

confused.

Locker10a

xcvbvcxc wrote: »

So yeah pretty much as the title suggests,

I've gone unregistered for this one as I don't really know what to do about it yet, I've been friends with a girl for over 10 years and we've always been good friends but have become closer the last while, i've begun to get feelings of more than friendship towards her, but she came out a couple of years back. I'm not so sure if she's bi or gay to be honest, I really dont know what to do about it all,

Anyone ever have any similar experiences or advice?

confused.

Well I would never recommend making a move on a best friend. Regardless of sexuality. Out of fear of ruining your friendship. That's just my opinion tho!! If it wer me I wouldn't act and wait for time to change my feelings. Not very. Romantic I know but dat just my opinion!!

floggg

What makes you think she might be bi? Wishful thinking?

If she's lesbian making any sort of move would end badly. If so, it's probably best to just move on.

Maybe you might need to spend some time away from her for a while.

But if she's not generally into men there is no hope of anything happening so one way or the other you need to move on.

baby and crumble

OP, when you've been friends that long and she's come out, nothing good can come of making a move or telling her, honestly. Did she come out as gay or bi? TBH in my opinion even if she does like men, a ten year friendship is a lot to risk.

Annasopra

forget about the crush

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys,

You've said everything I didnt want to hear, but expected. I'll take on board what ye have said anyway and put it aside for a few months and maybe things will change.

Just to maybe detail a bit further, she's definitely showing more interest in me and is growing emotionally closer, I dunno bout physically obviously, I know she more bi than lesbian as she's been with both throughout the years,

But anyway, i'll take on board the advice given for sure, but i've a counter argue in the back of my head telling me that i'll only live this life once and i'd hate to regret any possible relationship that could be.

CdeC

OP,
I'd advise against acting on this. Try and imagine yourself being very good mates with a gay bloke.
How would you respond if he told you he fancied you,
Even though you really liked him as a person and got on really well Would you change your orientation...No. Would it make the friendship awkward....probably.

Its a normal part of life, developing crushes on friends. I know it's **** but in the long run your better off chasing after a girl who likes guys.

Coeurdepirate

Welcome to the world of every gay guy crushing on their straight friends :rolleyes:

baby and crumble

xcvbvcxc wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys,

You've said everything I didnt want to hear, but expected. I'll take on board what ye have said anyway and put it aside for a few months and maybe things will change.

Just to maybe detail a bit further, she's definitely showing more interest in me and is growing emotionally closer, I dunno bout physically obviously, I know she more bi than lesbian as she's been with both throughout the years,

But anyway, i'll take on board the advice given for sure, but i've a counter argue in the back of my head telling me that i'll only live this life once and i'd hate to regret any possible relationship that could be.

I'm a lesbian. I love having male friends, and tbh I get quite close to them- as in I'll invite them to the cinema, I'm a very tactile person, etc etc. Now, possibly some of them have crushed on me, I don't know. If you look at numbers, I'd seem more bi than straight, in that I've had 3 boyfriends and 'only' one girlfriend.


All I'm saying is, someone will get their heart broken in all of this, and it's most likely going to be you. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just trying to be honest.

apache

did she come out as gay or bi? because its important yanno

i was in a situation where i was friends with a group of people and this one particular guy had strong feelings for me. now everyone knows i'm a gay woman and he was told not to go there by our mutual friends and myself. but he did. it was awkward and horrible. to cut a long story short i had to sever the friendship which was a pity because i felt suffocated all the time but he was a good friend.
he was very upset that i severed our friendship. i knew he liked me and had warned him not to go there yet he did a good few times.
this happened a few years ago. we are back to being good friends. he is always there for me. but i know he still feels the same way about me so is our friendship fair to either of us?

it upsets him because i will never be lover girlfriend. it upsets me because there are times when he can't hold back telling me how he feels time and time again and it makes me very uncomfortable.

op i would think long and hard about it beforehand if you feel the need to broach the subject. i understand your what ifs. and if we never took chances we would never know. just be cool with the way you broach it if you must because it could make her feel uncomfortable - more than you could maybe imagine.

floggg

I think it's important to clarify whether she's gay or bi.

If she's gay, back up cause you won't get anywhere.

If your bi, you have a judgment call to make as to whether to pursue it.

Sonics2k

Gay or Bi, she's a long-term friend.

It really is best to avoid such situations and move on, rather than possibly losing a very long term friendship.

zkevinz

Most girls say there lesbian but in reality they dont mind being bi for a night

MJRS

To put a perspective on the other side of the story, I was seeing a guy (I'm on the bi side of being gay) and my best friend told me she had feelings for me. We made a go of it (I was young and can only rationalise it as "wanting" to be straight/normal/whatever goes through a teenage mind) and it ended badly. Only now, around 5 years later, are we getting back to being friends, but it's been so long that we've drifted apart and will probably never be on the same level friendship again. Obviously that's just what happened to me and by no means guaranteed to happen with you, but it's a similarish situation you know?

Maybe try and feel her out on the concept in a jokey/non-serious way. Something like "if we're both single when we're 50, maybe we should just get married". You'll probably be able to tell from her reaction whether she thinks it's ludicrous or something she'd consider. Personally, I think even this is a baaad idea, but I know how the "what if.." part of the brain can cloud judgement.

Just saw the last reply above this, what the ****? Kevin Kevin Kevin... You have lot to learn about women.

apache

zkevinz wrote: »

Most girls say there lesbian but in reality they dont mind being bi for a night

those girls are in fact bisexual chicken. good lad - off you pop

passable

apache wrote: »

those girls are in fact bisexual chicken. good lad - off you pop

lol