He dumped me to be "free"

LegacyUser

I was dumped last night. I'm not crying or anything, just disgusted really.

I'm 24 going out with a 30 year old the last 5 months.

During this time, marriage between us two didn't come up from me, he was saying "oh when we're married we can.../ our kids can...." etc. I never really took any notice of it. He knows I do want a marriage and kids one day, up ahead. And I told him I'm not looking for a husband now, and that I obviously can't look at him in that way either.

He is depressed. He hates Ireland. He's not from here. He hates his job and considers himself a failure because I earn the same as him.

He said last night "I want to be free, you want marriage one day, but I ruled that out of my life". He said the look of disappointment on my face when he said that was the thing that told him I wasn't the one for him.

So he walked me home, kissed me goodbye and walked away. That was a really mean thing to do. I feel used. And confused. I'm angry with him.

Miss Fluff

He sounds like a gobsh1te and you sound like you've had a lucky escape.

Beruthiel

commit-phobe wrote: »

I feel used.

You are a consenting adult. You weren't used if you were a willing participant.
As for your ex, thank your lucky stars that you only wasted 5 months with him.
Know that you are better off without him and move on.

IrishEyes19

commit-phobe wrote: »

I was dumped last night. I'm not crying or anything, just disgusted really.

I'm 24 going out with a 30 year old the last 5 months.

During this time, marriage between us two didn't come up from me, he was saying "oh when we're married we can.../ our kids can...." etc. I never really took any notice of it. He knows I do want a marriage and kids one day, up ahead. And I told him I'm not looking for a husband now, and that I obviously can't look at him in that way either.

He is depressed. He hates Ireland. He's not from here. He hates his job and considers himself a failure because I earn the same as him.

He said last night "I want to be free, you want marriage one day, but I ruled that out of my life". He said the look of disappointment on my face when he said that was the thing that told him I wasn't the one for him.

So he walked me home, kissed me goodbye and walked away. That was a really mean thing to do. I feel used. And confused. I'm angry with him.

I could be wrong but I also thing the age difference is massive. I know people say age doesnt matter if two people feel the same, but he's 30 and you're mid twenties. Two different life styles and two different out looks. The way he ended it just sounds dramatic and silly. But I think he saved you a lot of drama, at your age you should be having fun and this guy sounds confused and not sure where he should be at. Intense relationships at 24 and marriage would be way too much for me at that age.

nowyouresix

OP : I actually think what he did, while it stings a bit, was actually more noble than you give him credit for. He broke up with you, face to face, like a man. He didn't just dump you by text or do the whole avoidance dance, so in actual fact I see it that he had enough respect for you that he did it face to face. It was five months, you're 24, enjoy your freedom.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Those are some good perspectives actually.

Well I'll be honest, I think he is the one who wants to be running around the place meeting new people. Maybe a commitment is too much at my age, but a lot of people have relationships at my age.

He started all this, I was very casual all throughout our relationship.

He was the one booking holidays and making plans, I was always very "let's just take it easy" when it came to everything.

He became very intense, very fast, in every aspect. I just went with the flow.

So yes, now that I look at it from where you guys are coming from, it maybe is a favour he did for me really but.. I did enjoy being with someone with no major commitments..

His reasons were kinda out there but I suppose that's how people break up. I imagine he spent a while stewing over this, but he did it soon after he had his way with me for the last time. That's what made me say I felt used. He spent the weekend with me. Then finally decided to break it off. That's what makes me annoyed about all this.

That said, he had bought me presents on Friday and gave them to me. So it's not strange (in my opinion) that this all seems a bit out of the blue.

All the same. Thanks again for the insight, I am looking at it differently now.

Ickle Magoo

Post deleted.

This is an advice forum - please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and respect the anonymity posters choose to avail of by not requesting identifiable detail about the OP or those they post about.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.