The ultimate moral dilemma

calabi yau

7 months ago, my son was diagnosed with medulloblastoma, aged 2 and 11 months. Since then, he has undergone intensive, high dose chemo to eliminate the disease.

A recent MRI showed his brain and spine was now completely clear but there were still malignant cells in his cerebrospinal fluid. Our consultant has just informed us that his best chance of survival is radiation therapy to his entire craniospinal area which could leave him mentally retarded, with little chance of proper schooling and stripped of the ability to form proper relationships, meet a wife etc.

In short, he would experience a huge and significant decline in quality of life.

The other option is palliative care. There is a third option of more chemo, intrathecal chemo to treat the csf but our consultant has grave doubts about its efficacy.

Needless to say, my wife and I are completely devastated. It is impossible to take on a decision like this and it goes against every natural instinct to let him go. But I'm beginning to feel he has been tortured enough and that may be the most loving decision.

I would really like to hear other people thoughts on this because I am all over the place. If this is not appropriate, please remove. I just feel empty and lost and am reaching out in an anonymous way.

Cavehill Red

No one here can help you make this decision, unfortunately.
The medics can tell you what the prognoses are, and the likelihood of the success and ramifications of the various options available.
Your situation is heartbreaking, and you have my enormous sympathy. The fact that this is so distressing for you indicates the scale of your love for your child, and I'm sure that together with your partner, you will make the right decision for your child based on that love.
My best wishes go with you whatever you choose to do.

faceache

My heart goes out to you, what an awful 7 months you have had.

I have no answers for you, this is a terrible decision to have to make and no one could understand what it must be like without having gone through something similar.

As an outsider my first instinct is that the treatment in this case is worse than the alternative but I know that as a parent you would give anything to keep your child with you in any condition.

I don't pray much but will say one for you tonight in the hope that you get some guidance in this awful scenario.

jimmycrackcorm

I'm so sorry to say that were I in the same position that I would not choose the option that meant a possible survival but such significant crippling. Because that is not a life that I'd wish on my own child.

Condo131

calabi yau, my heart goes out to you and your wife.

As Cavehill Red said, none of us here can really help you - we sympathise deeply with you nonetheless. You really should have someone to talk to about this. You could speak to a Cancer Nurse on the Irish cancer Society Freefone helpline, 1800-200-700, or go to one of the drop-in/support centres listed here.

God bless.

CathyMoran

We were in a different situation 7 years ago but it is similar enough. My mother had a massive brain haemmorage and we chose surgery - yes, she saw me getting married but she was in a wheelchair and had severe loss in mental capacity - looking back I wish that we had not given her the surgery.

I on the other hand had a total oesophacectomy 5 years ago on the 9th of next month and have 2 babiies...

It is a tough call, as a parent I can relate to wanting to do anything to keep your child.