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Unsure what to do about friends-with-benefits situation

  • 30-01-2012 1:16am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    This is probably a bit silly but what the hell.

    In december I got reacquainted with an old friend I hadn't seen in years and we hit it off. We saw each other a lot at different christmas parties and always ended up together at the end of the nights. Pretty soon into it, he told me he didn't want anything serious and I'm fine with that.

    So, until now we've been meeting up at least once a week. Either we'll be out together with other people anyway or if we're out separately, he would call me and we'd meet. It's almost always him getting in touch with me, I rarely text him first. I suppose the relationship is based on sex but we do get on pretty well and spend a good amount of time chatting when we're together.

    Anyway, point of the story, I haven't heard from him in about 10 days now. I haven't been out much at all recently so I wasn't expecting to see him but I sent a friendly text a few days ago and didn't get any reply.

    If it's done, it's done, at least we had a good couple of months. I just don't like not knowing if it's over or not. I'll most likely be seeing him again in the near future, we have quite a few friends in common now. Would he be expected to let me know that he's finished with it? Should I just ask him straight out if he still wants to see me or would that be a bit weird? I've never done a friends-with-benefits thing before, don't know how this works!


Comments

  • #2
    SineadMarie
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 208 ✭✭SineadMarie


    He told you out straight that he didn't want anything serious and we were fine with that, so why are you so bothered about him contacting you. You've obviously got attached to him which isn't your fault you cant help how you feel. You were basically a bit of fun for him when it suited him (sorry to sound harsh) if i were to give you any advice it would be to walk away delete his number and move on to someone that appreciates you for you.


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Unregistered wrote: »
    If it's done, it's done, at least we had a good couple of months. I just don't like not knowing if it's over or not.

    But there was nothing there to start with hon. Genuinely. Not if this is an expressly casual arrangement. Perhaps he sensed that you're keen (which you evidently are) and has decided to bow out? A FWB arrangement isn't for everyone and it certainly isn't an option if either party is falling for the other. Forget about him and be glad he hasn't hurt you or led you on.


  • #4
    qwertytlk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 747 ✭✭✭qwertytlk


    Ok i agtree with that others have said so far but i also have another point to make. If you cut out the benefits part and remember that you were or are, also friends...so i would expect him to text u back at least to say hi. Like just not replyimg to a text when someone is suppossed to be your friend is ignorant and rude. Unless he feels awkward because he a)doesnt want to continue the arrangement you had or b)has met someone else and doesnt know what to say. Or perhaps something is going on in his life, a family problem or whatever.
    Wheater you contact him again or not is up to you but foirstly i think you need to ask yourself if you want the fwb situation to continue? Or do you want more than that, to maybe start seeing him offically? Also how goood was the friendship, would you still be friends oif this ended or he was seeing someone else?
    Depending on the amswers to the above questions you could just text him again and say 'hey, just wondering if everything is ok with you, havent heard from u in a while' and see what he says. Failing this, is their a mutual friend you could ask if they know what the story with him is, is everything ok with him etc? If the answer is yes then id say he is blatantley ignoring you so just forget him. Its kind of complicated so it all depends on how you feel etc.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for your replies.

    I suppose I have gotten attached to him in the sense that I like what's going on and it suits me now. I'm not falling for him though and I definitely do not want a relationship. I'd like the FWB to go on for another while but I won't be upset if it doesn't. 

    What's bothering me is that I know I'm gonna see him again either way. So I can't exactly delete his number and forget about him. I'm just wondering how I should act when I see him next? I definitely would still be friends with him anyway. Just hope it won't be awkward and the lack of contact is making me feel a lil awkward. Suppose I just need to see how it goes. 


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