No social life

LegacyUser

As the title says I dont have a social life since I started a my first job.

In school I went to a different school then all the people I grew up with it took me a while to come out of my shell but for the last two years of it I really enjoyed as I was always doing something with my mates from school like paintballing, playing football, hanging around each other houses or just heading out.

Then for college I moved away from home and none of my friends went to the same college and for the first few months I hated it but by the 1st semester came to a close I loved it and when I finished my course I was sad leaving the place. I got on really well with my friends from college, like we have gone on holidays together, lived together and gone all over Ireland travelling with them.

I moved again for this job and have been in it nearly a year and pretty much have had a none existent social life. I moved into a house with a guy I started with but it turned into a disaster as I found him extremely difficult to live with and after 6 months I moved into another house. My current house mates are very nice and friendly but I was hoping to have some craic with them but they all hide in their rooms also they are all girls and all have other halfs. I havent been on a night out here either like its been 4 months since I was last out which was for my birthday with a few lads from college.

I head home every weekend and its not something I like doing but I would have nothing to do if I stayed up there. I work long hours so my typical day is wake up, go to work get home change to head to the gym, get something to eat and off to bed.

I know I should join some clubs but I have no idea what to join as my only real interest is football and I play that the odd week with work football team but even after months of playing I still feel like an outsider.

Guys I work with have never left home, like gone to school, college and now work in the same city and have built up a big social group while I have moved 3 times and am starting from scratch every time.

I can now transfer my job to where all my mates are from college are but this is my first job so I need to stay until I feel I am ready to hit the ground running in a new job which I am no where near yet.

Also having no social life has meant there is zero women in my life and its quite worrying when I see some of my friends getting engaged while I have been single all my life and there is no signs of that changing.

saa

The best thing I ever did for myself is to let go on the memories of how great it was to have my circle of friends in school and now I don't, those days are gone and I have to learn new ways to do things I want to do with my time that isn't dependent on others because I am independent now and I sacrificed staying with my friends for my career/college.

Doing things to improve/enjoy yourself certainly helps invite people into your life without trying but it still is really hard to get into a new group of friends here, don't beat yourself up about it you are in a transitional period of your life and that's okay : )

And as for meeting someone special don't worry, I have a friend who is your age and only just met someone he connected with, I'm engaged and it certainly does not make you automatically satisfied with life, I still have to work hard to meet new people and entertain myself

Don't keep banking on things being better in the future or in the next job as you may be kicking the can down the road and hoping things change and then if they don't after you really believed it did it can be tiring, Things will get better just focus on what you can do today to feel content, or this week/ month I wouldn't start over thinking what you will do any further down the road than that but plans are good as long as they're doable.

Defiler Of The Coffin

You need to grab the bull by the horns and put yourself out there man. I've moved to a city where I didn't know anyone and had to make an effort to make new friends. People won't just knock on your door asking to be your friend, you need to get past your inertia and make it happen.

You mention that the work team you play for isn't really doing much for you, why not play for a different team who may be more inclusive? Why not try something you haven't tried before? Kayaking or tag rugby perhaps? Would you consider joining a hiking club? I guarantee there are people out there like yourself who want to make more friends, you just gotta get out there and find them.

I would suggest staying in your rented house at the weekends and try to have something arranged so that you are busy. My opinion is that by going home every weekend you are staying in your comfort zone. It's good to build up a separate life for yourself in the place you are working. It will make going home the odd time more enjoyable.

You could try putting up an ad on Gumtree mentioning that you are looking for friends, I did it and met some decent people. You've got nothing to lose!

As saa said above; you are in a transistional period of your life, try not to worry about things too much, make the effort to meet new people and you will be fine!

saa

Indeed be content but get out there in what ever way you can.