what's wrong with me

LegacyUser

I think i'm not right in the head. I say stupid things. Can't commit to anything, keep changing my mind, can't stop eating, can''t concieve but the biggest kick in the nuts is not being eligible to have a dog from a local dog charity.
So it would seem anyone can have a kid, but I need a home inspection, meet terms and conditions and get a license to own a dog.
I also feel out with my sister over something silly that I apologised for as I was actually wrong...I think...but she got vicious with me and attacked my personality, my realationships and even brought my work into it.
I just feel like sh7t.
After almost a year on anti deppressants i just want to chuck it all in and go live under a rock where i don't have to see or speak to anyone.

So you think you're "not right in the head", you can't seem to keep commitments, you keep changing your mind, can't control your eating and yet you want to be in a position of care?

I'd say the clear answer here is that you need to take responsibility for your problems and start trying to fix them. Make a commitment and stick to it. A commitment to yourself, like eating healthily or mending bridges with people you've fallen out with. Make a commitment to get yourself back on your feet. Then, and only then, when you're in a stable and self-fulfilled place, should you be considering a child or a dog to be responsible for.

LegacyUser

true-or-false wrote: »

So you think you're "not right in the head", you can't seem to keep commitments, you keep changing your mind, can't control your eating and yet you want to be in a position of care?

I'd say the clear answer here is that you need to take responsibility for your problems and start trying to fix them. Make a commitment and stick to it. A commitment to yourself, like eating healthily or mending bridges with people you've fallen out with. Make a commitment to get yourself back on your feet. Then, and only then, when you're in a stable and self-fulfilled place, should you be considering a child or a dog to be responsible for.

Do you know many parents that are in a stable and self fulfilled place. Perhaps the only mistake I made was asking for help here. My sister is very unself fulfille and very, very unstable, which is why I look after her children. She then verbally abused me beacuse I made a small mistake with her 12 year old. Nothing life threatening or illegal, just a mistake.

So yes, I'm a little saddened, perhaps even a twinge bitter, that I can't have kids of my own when it seems there are a lot of parents out there(and not all, so don't go to town on me) who are using their kids as pay cheques, punch bags or house maids.
I have control to fix a lot, I do know this, but i'm just sttruggling at the moment, I have lost 3 stone although regained a little but working on it.

Am I defensive, Yes, but it just seems like anywhere I ask for help I get shot down.

It's just been a hard year, I nursed my father through cancer and lost him after 3months.

I don't need judgement or ridicule here, just a sounding board perhaps. Anyway, another lesson learnt, I shall walk it.

Kevin Duffy

anons wrote: »

I think i'm not right in the head. I say stupid things.

I say some stupid things, I don't think that means I'm not right in the head. Everyone I know says stupid things, they're all right in the head too.

anons wrote: »

Can't commit to anything, keep changing my mind,

Again, same as lots of people I know and for the most part, it means they just haven't found the right commitments for them yet.

anons wrote: »

but the biggest kick in the nuts is not being eligible to have a dog from a local dog charity.

Try to keep this in perspective, it's not the "biggest kick in the nuts". No matter how much you want it, it's still just a dog. There are far more important things in life. You could also offer to help out with dog walking etc. at one of the shelters, they'd be delighted to have the help.

anons wrote: »

So it would seem anyone can have a kid, but I need a home inspection, meet terms and conditions and get a license to own a dog.

Having children is a human right, owning a dog isn't. They don't compare.

anons wrote: »

I also feel out with my sister over something silly that I apologised for as I was actually wrong...I think...but she got vicious with me and attacked my personality, my realationships and even brought my work into it.
I just feel like sh7t.

If your sister didn't accept the apology, she's in the wrong now. She's completely in the wrong for bringing up the other stuff. Talk to her, let her know how the row has affected you.

anons wrote: »

can't stop eating,

anons wrote: »

can''t concieve

anons wrote: »

After almost a year on anti deppressants i just want to chuck it all in and go live under a rock where i don't have to see or speak to anyone.

If you eat to the point where it's eating disorder, really can't conceive and your medication is not working, go to your doctor.

saa

true-or-false wrote: »

A commitment to yourself, like eating healthily or mending bridges with people you've fallen out with. .

There is nothing wrong with you! Only things to improve and the depression to manage, that does not make you a bad person or a failure it shows that you are strong, you may not want to talk to anyone but I'm glad you posted.

RE: to comment above..

I agree take care of yourself before a pet, when I was depressed I wanted someone or thing to look after because I had lost the focus in my life and stopped thinking about what I needed.

Don't fret, in time when youre in a better place and balanced having a pet is hard work but very fulfilling.


I disagree with the advice just to make a commitment, eat better, mend bridges.

If you are compulsively or emotionally eating you will need tools to control any problems you have around food over time, eating better food won't stop a issue in your mind about needing to binge or use food as a substance to escape or find comfort, strangely enough its less about the food and more about talking which is a great help to compulsive eaters so talk to your GP about getting linked in with someone or a service where you can tackle you depression and eating issue, maybe you're already linked in with a counselor are they helpful about the eating issue?

If you'd rather not there is Overy eaters Anonymous, I think that is the name of the service and they have meetings in Ireland and online I'm sure they have a website you can check out.

You may not feel like doing much about it right now and take your time, as long as you are making baby steps, like even doing something you enjoy and noticing you're doing it.

About the other people in your life, take a step back if the interactions are causing tension if you can't talk to her about it, maybe you're being hard on yourself and the thing with your sister wasn't as bad as you perceived it to be or maybe your sister is being insulting and viscous and you do not have to take that just because she is family, you don't have to be around someone abusive. if you can't cut them out avoid them, I know some people especially family members will always be at some distance but if they're affecting your recovery you have to put yourself first and not in harms way!

LegacyUser

thank you, i'm just feeling very down right now.

I think I might be saying too much to the wrong people as opposed to saying stupid stuff.

I'm not upset about not getting the dog, it just makes me feel worse about not having kids.

My insurance company told me they don't cover infertility treatment as it's not a human right to have kids, so i guess that's a debate for another thread. That's their opinion, not mine, I believe what will be will be, If I don't have kids then there's a bigger reason, it just doesn't make it fell any better, that's all.

I know things will improve, it's just tough right now and sometimes hard to see what you have. I'm talking tp my sister, but I also realise she's using me and feel better at someone saying I need to avoid situations like that to get better myself, I guess I feel guilty if i'm not there for the kids.

Thanks for the replies.

saa

anons wrote: »

thank you, i'm just feeling very down right now.

I think I might be saying too much to the wrong people as opposed to saying stupid stuff.

I'm not upset about not getting the dog, it just makes me feel worse about not having kids.

My insurance company told me they don't cover infertility treatment as it's not a human right to have kids, so i guess that's a debate for another thread. That's their opinion, not mine, I believe what will be will be, If I don't have kids then there's a bigger reason, it just doesn't make it fell any better, that's all.

I know things will improve, it's just tough right now and sometimes hard to see what you have. I'm talking tp my sister, but I also realise she's using me and feel better at someone saying I need to avoid situations like that to get better myself, I guess I feel guilty if i'm not there for the kids.

Thanks for the replies.

Honey whatever you can't control is not your fault you just need to figure out how to keep yourself as well as you can is there anyone you can link in to talk to seeing as there is a lot on your plate. Maybe if you could clear your head about the fertility/money you would be less stressed and wouldn't be stress eating as its affecting you right now.

Avoid confrontation but also learn how to digest it when it happens so it doesn't drag you down, I am guessing the kids are her kids and there is a problem? If there is a reason to worry about them remember you do not feel guilty as if they are your sisters kids only the parents and social services the power to be there for the childrens welfare, if they're your children you still need to plan out what you need for your care first.

So what do you need or what would you like right now or over the next week?

EGAR

anons wrote: »

So it would seem anyone can have a kid, but I need a home inspection, meet terms and conditions and get a license to own a dog.

I am just quoting this as I can make a contribution this this only. It is not just you who will have a home visit, most rescues carry them out and it's a chance for you to learn more about the dog you are interested in, ask all the questions in the world and the visitor will want to know where the dog will be sleeping etc pp. It is NOT in place to make you feel inferior or uncomfortable. It is in place to ensure you are who you say you are and live where you say you live etc.

Obviously, since the dog was in need of rescue at some stage, I want to ensure that the best place can be found for it, so it wont end up back in rescue or dead.

Term and Conditions, well, as I do not know which rescue you have been dealing with, I cannot comment but my T & C's are simple, no hunting, no chaining the dog up, vet med care when sick and so on.

Dog license has nothing to do with rescue - it is law in Ireland and we must obey and put it in the rehoming contract whether we like it or not..

James W

anons wrote: »

Do you know many parents that are in a stable and self fulfilled place. Perhaps the only mistake I made was asking for help here. My sister is very unself fulfille and very, very unstable, which is why I look after her children. She then verbally abused me beacuse I made a small mistake with her 12 year old. Nothing life threatening or illegal, just a mistake.

So yes, I'm a little saddened, perhaps even a twinge bitter, that I can't have kids of my own when it seems there are a lot of parents out there(and not all, so don't go to town on me) who are using their kids as pay cheques, punch bags or house maids.
I have control to fix a lot, I do know this, but i'm just sttruggling at the moment, I have lost 3 stone although regained a little but working on it.

Am I defensive, Yes, but it just seems like anywhere I ask for help I get shot down.

It's just been a hard year, I nursed my father through cancer and lost him after 3months.

I don't need judgement or ridicule here, just a sounding board perhaps. Anyway, another lesson learnt, I shall walk it.

It's difficult to respond accurately to someone on the basis of what they write here - what you write is a little confusing - and I don't mean that in a critical way.

On one hand it would seem that your sister is pulling your strings (which you are responsible for stopping)while on the other you seem to be allowing this to happen.

You refer to yourself in fairly negative terms which would suggest that your self worth isn't where it should be. When this is the case people are much more likely to be dependent on others and allow themselves to be manipulted and used.

In terms of pulling our strings, members of our own family are experts because they know exactly what makes us tick!

I'd suggest that you find a good counsellor who can help you see where you're going wrong and apply a logical framework to where you're at and need to go.

LegacyUser

Yes, James W I am confused as hell, and feel pretty much as you do(after reading your thread), however i'm probably not as good at writing as you are. I mean this in a good way, that's threads for you, when we can't see a facial expression to equate the words it can be hard to interpret a persons real meaning.

So, after having a little think for myself, it is obvious my sister was using me, but i'm not going to go into the full history of that here, we're way to old for that(my sister and I)

The first poster to get back to me was right in what they are saying but sometimes when you're down in the dumps, hearing it so bluntly can be extra painful.

Unless any poster has been through infertilty issues I suggest not saying too much as it's something only the person themselves can deal with, and for a woman that;s every month, it never goes away!

I was just letting off steam here, i've seen a counsellor who has told me my family are highly dysfuntional and I need to make a decision as to whether I want to sink or swim with them. It's hard to turn your back on your family. Even if that means it's for the better of your own mental health

I have a lot to deal with and just need to break it down, but lately, I just don't know where to start.

LegacyUser

saa wrote: »

Honey whatever you can't control is not your fault you just need to figure out how to keep yourself as well as you can is there anyone you can link in to talk to seeing as there is a lot on your plate. Maybe if you could clear your head about the fertility/money you would be less stressed and wouldn't be stress eating as its affecting you right now.

Avoid confrontation but also learn how to digest it when it happens so it doesn't drag you down, I am guessing the kids are her kids and there is a problem? If there is a reason to worry about them remember you do not feel guilty as if they are your sisters kids only the parents and social services the power to be there for the childrens welfare, if they're your children you still need to plan out what you need for your care first.

So what do you need or what would you like right now or over the next week?

Rest is the biggest thing I need right now, I just don't seem to be able to or indeed remember how to relax or take a break.
Like I said, it's been a tremendously hard year, bereavement, sickness myself and another sister nearly dying.
The kids I mind are my sisters, although not any more it would seem which is ok, they are not in danger or likely to come to any harm and looked after well, so that's one thing I can leave myself off the hook for, although my mother does an awful lot and it's her I used to mind the kids for so she could take a break.
I can see a pettern to my posts, they are as unorganised, wayward and non descript as i feel myself.
I'm worried about a test I have coming up for a stomach condition I might have even though having isn't the end.
I'm a little bit overwhelmed as so much is happening to me. I don't mean this in a poor me way, maybe it's just a thing as you get older that more and more things just happen you.
I would just like to be back where I once was, a part time job, reasonably healthy, and keeping the bills paid.

Bullchomper

It sounds like you have an unbelievable amount of stress in your life, is there any chance you can get away for a while? Not to be cruel, but ideally somewhere away from your family to give yourself a complete break? Also, have you always felt like this or has it become more pronounced recently? Can you remember if your thoughts were disorganised prior to taking meds? It's definitely recommendable to discuss all of this with your doctor. Are you sleeping properly by any chance?

LegacyUser

Bullchomper wrote: »

It sounds like you have an unbelievable amount of stress in your life, is there any chance you can get away for a while? Not to be cruel, but ideally somewhere away from your family to give yourself a complete break? Also, have you always felt like this or has it become more pronounced recently? Can you remember if your thoughts were disorganised prior to taking meds? It's definitely recommendable to discuss all of this with your doctor. Are you sleeping properly by any chance?

Thanks,
I have no real contact with my family. I have always been a bit disorganised as i seem to never have routine or structure, If i could sleep i wouldn't be posting at 2.15am :-)

I've been on meds on/off. Don't think they're really helping.

LegacyUser

true-or-false wrote: »

So you think you're "not right in the head", you can't seem to keep commitments, you keep changing your mind, can't control your eating and yet you want to be in a position of care?

I'd say the clear answer here is that you need to take responsibility for your problems and start trying to fix them. Make a commitment and stick to it. A commitment to yourself, like eating healthily or mending bridges with people you've fallen out with. Make a commitment to get yourself back on your feet. Then, and only then, when you're in a stable and self-fulfilled place, should you be considering a child or a dog to be responsible for.

I find it interesting that you and those who thanked you never make any posts here, or if you do, perhaps they're annonymous too. With the exception of one. Susie Q, you even admit you don't undersand depression, so why are you even readind anything in PI.