Mixed Signals-Hot and Cold-You get the Picture!

LegacyUser

Some advice please

There is this young woman I know for a few months, who I get on very well with. We meet each other in work, although we do not work directly with each other. We often share a taxi home. We have shared drinks, mostly in the company of other people. I know she likes my company, but I am not sure if she likes me as much as I like her. I started liking her slowly about two months ago.

I get very mixed signals from her. Sometimes I catch her looking at me, we hold a stare and we will either smile- or she will sort of mouth saying “what” and we will both smile.
We will have great fun with each other- and sometimes I think she goes out of her way to be in my company

But then other times, she seems a little cool or rather reserved towards me- and not all that interested.

We also facebook a bit- and before Xmas in a very roundabout way in a reply to a message-I said I thought she was pretty and smart. She said thanks- but things just kept on going the way they were.

And then just before Xmas, she seemed to go a little cool on me. She did not reply to a phone text for a couple of days. She said after she had a hectic weekendand a few other things and I just took it she wants to be friends and nothing more. I just thought maybe this is the way she is with most guys- very friendly and a little flirty, and I had misread the signs

She is French which I think makes a difference. I know people will say “people are the same the world over” but as far as I understand it, there are very significant differences in terms of the “courting process” in France than in Ireland/UK etc.

Maybe people have experience of that?

I am not saying I am great at “reading” Irish women, but I think they seem a bit easier than this girl!

Over Xmas I did not see her, and I kind of scrathed it off- and said to myself it won’t happen.

Then in the new year, she seemed very friendly with me, I caught her looking at me in work again, she would come over initiate talks much more than previously. When we talk its really fun,I make her laugh- Ive no doubt she likes being around me.

But then other times I think she is being a little more reserved and standoff'ish..

Interestingly last week she asked me had I been to a particular bar the night before. I said no, and she said her friend (who I had never met) had said she thought she seen me there. I asked how did her friend know what I looked like? And after a couple of seconds she said she had showed her friend a picture on Facebook that I was in with the French girl and a few work mates.
Afterwards I was thinking (and hoping )- would you really show a friend a picture of this guy on Facebook- if you just wanted to be his mate?

I know this all sounds a bit childish. I’m in my (VERY) late 20s she is in early 20s.

I know the “go for it” advice will be given. And may be correct. But I am fearful, because I work close to her, I would like to stay friends for her. She also seems to prefer to go out with a couple of people, rather than just the two of us. But then we get on very well with each other- and I've walked her home a couple of times etc. In the facebook reply last year I sort of her let her know I thought she was nice but nothing emerged from that.

And also I have been told by some people who know about these things in France- that going for it might not be the best policy. This endless game of flirting, blowing hot and cold apparently is a French woman thing etc (I have no idea- Iknow that might be rubbish)...but will it lead somewhere!

I like this girl a lot. I respect her, love her company and I think she is beautiful. But a few months on- and I’m not sure what she thinks exactly about me.

I’m over-analysing it I know- and it is proving a little distracting in the rest of my life! But the heart is ruling the head here.

Any advice welcome.

Thanks

bigbaz

dude,shes toying with you just as a cat with a piece of string would,drag you in a bit,an then let you out a bit,you need to stop wasting your time on does she like me doesnt she scenarios,youre wasting time on her you could be wasting on actual dates!

if you really must have her,start behaving like a man would,stop staring at her,
stop texting her first,take the piss out of her at every given opportunity,dont facebook her except to take the piss out of her,take more interest in her friends than her,and watch her tune change

that said women who do this **** are only able to do it to men who let them,and most women are not like that at all,and if you have to go to these lengths to get her shes probably not worth the bother anyways!

LegacyUser

She might be using you for english practice....I have known of a few french and spanish women who do this.....the keep the fact that they have a boyfriend hidden so you keep engaging with them.

I have learnt the hard way.....this is time you could be spending getting to know genuine people.

good luck

Missy Moo Moo

Hi OP,

Sorry to be harsh, but did I read this right- Are you really in your late 20s? Why don't you just ask her out instead of roundabout Facebook messages and the like? Its all too easy to blame cultural differences but realistically, what do you expect from telling her that shes pretty and smart in a roundabout way on facebook? That she'll jump on you on the strength of a roundabout compliment?

Make a decision that its worth taking a risk on or its not- If it is, great, ask her out. If you think it'll be awkward in work and you might lose her as a friend (and if you think that shes the type of person who won't be able to get past it), then don't ask her out. Does the risk outweigh the possible benefit of the outcome? Only you can decide.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone

Very different advice and observations there

1. I don't think she is playing with me as such- she seems a cool girl, I'd hate to think she would do that. But yeah I should man up ok. Im not normally like this!

2. I really don't think she wants me for the language, her English is perfect.

3. Good advice. Yep you are right I should just weight up the concequences and make a move or not.

Yep you are right I should grow up really- but to tell you the truth I am more adult like with Irish women. In the sense I ask them out in set piece dates etc. But I get the impression this is not what you do in France? I have asked her out for coffee sometimes and we have met up sometimes and it has been nice and easy going and then sometimes she has said she could not meet up. The times she said she could not, there have been relatively legimate reasons given. But as in Ireland with an Irish girl- I would take a couple of these to mean the girl is not all the interested and she is letting me down nicely.

But then after that- she will be very friendly with me, laughing at my jokes etc.

You are right about the facebook thing- I really am a bit childish to expect her to jump my bones after that!

I know you say the cultural thing is an excuse- and you are probably right- but I have heard the courting process is different in France....

I know I sound like a teenager- but the nature of my work at the moment means I am not close to my mates- who would give me advice and set me straight

I know its a bit pesky, but does anyone think the facebook issue and the photograph I mentioned in the OP- means anything? I suppose she could just be saying to her friend, hey check out this idiot who is into me

LovelyLottie

Overall it sounds to me like she's enjoying your attentions but isn't massively interested, sorry If a girl is really into you, she'll also be suggesting you meet up, she will be meeting you every time you suggest it (or will make sure she meets you at an alternative time if it doesn't suit her), she will text you back pretty much immediately.

If you've said she's pretty, she knows you like her. If you've asked her out for coffee, she definitely knows you like her. I would say leave things as they are. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

What internet randomers think/analyse doesnt really get you any closer to an answer
OP its very simple you with two choices,

1) Man up and ask her straight out.
2) Forget her

Its that simple, Cultural research or analysis or any other BS excuse wont help you get either the YES or NO answer you are dancing around (I include FB in that).

Missy Moo Moo

wiorj23knm wrote: »

What internet randomers think/analyse doesnt really get you any closer to an answer
OP its very simple you with two choices,

1) Man up and ask her straight out.
2) Forget her

Its that simple, Cultural research or analysis or any other BS excuse wont help you get either the YES or NO answer you are dancing around (I include FB in that).

Wholeheartedly agree with the above. Her showing your photo to her friend could mean any number of things. But nobody here can accurately guess or speculate so you really need to ask her out or forget about her.

FWIW, I don't really have any truck with the Cultural differences stuff, I've dated French men and from what I can see, there was no difference to dating any other guy.