Marriage coming to an end

LegacyUser

We have been together for 10 years and married for almost 4,we have 2 small kids and we just don't get on,I don't love her anymore and recently she has told me she doesn't love me the same way she used to.
There is no one else involved we have just grown apart not sure why but just have.I don't know what to to its eating me up inside at the thought of leaving the kids,i'm from the uk and have no real friends here and have been unemployed for over 3 years now and struggling to find any work.
I feel on my own and living on my own here is a horrible thought,I could go back to the uk and find work and be around family but the thought of seeing the kids at weekends is killing me,they don't deserve that.Its the same situation as myself when growing up and i promised myself i wouldn't do that to my own kids.

I am a friend

What efforts have you both made to try to improve the marriage?

curlzy

Surely after 10 years and 2 kids it's worth trying again? You've grown apart and fallen out of love, with unemployment and 2 small kids I can see how that happened. Have you tried everything you can to get it going again? Marriage counselling, spending time together etc? If you haven't then you can't just give up, you owe it to your kids to try and try and only give up if it becomes evident that it's just dead. You grew up with one parent and don't want to do that to your kids so do everything in your power to sort out your marriage. From your post it just sounds like you've both just given up but that's really not good enough.

Best of luck to all of you.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Surely after 10 years and 2 kids it's worth trying again? You've grown apart and fallen out of love, with unemployment and 2 small kids I can see how that happened. Have you tried everything you can to get it going again? Marriage counselling, spending time together etc? If you haven't then you can't just give up, you owe it to your kids to try and try and only give up if it becomes evident that it's just dead. You grew up with one parent and don't want to do that to your kids so do everything in your power to sort out your marriage. From your post it just sounds like you've both just given up but that's really not good enough.

Best of luck to all of you.

Marriage counselling has been suggested.I know it is the stress of money and having small kids etc that has pushed us apart.I get jealous of her and her family and friends as i wish i had all that.I suffer with depression which doesn't help and maybe it has taken its toll on her.I seem to be stuck in the house 24/7 and its driving me insane.I'm applying for jobs but all i get is turned down.I have no answers

newuser30

There's no way things can improve with you sitting in the house 24/7 going out of your mind, anyone would in those circumstances. Have you tried the CE scheme jobs, job bridge internships, anything to get you back in the work environment? Alot of the CE schemes are part time if you need to stay at home with the kids, and there are quite affordable qualified childminders advertising on gumtree all the time. Im sorry but even if its for a pittance you really should be out there at least getting experience in an area that will help you get a better job further down the line. You need a routine, a plan and some goals to feel better about yourself, and then you will be in a better place to try to improve your marriage, or at least be better equipped to make the right decision about it. I might be wrong but do you think its more your depression, lack of work and feeling of being stuck in a rut that are the root of the problem, not the marriage itself. Of course I dont know but if you are not at all happy in yourself how can you be in your marriage?

suffering

i am in a similar situation. however employment is not an issue with myself.
i have decided to take time out for a couple of mounts . moving back to my hometown . ill keep in tiuch with the kids (phone). ill be telling them i am going away for work reasons.
i hope the time out will help me reflect on whats right for myslf, herself and the kids.
ill keep you updated on how this is working for myself.