Stuck in a Rut

hairyfoot

I'm depressed - there I said it. I have no reason to be: I have a job, and I an other half who is trying to stick by me (but knows he's out of his depth with me at the moment), I have a roof over my head, my health and all that jazz. There is nothing wrong in my life but I'm still in a hole I can't get out.

I don't want to go to the GP because the last thing I want is to be pumped full of drugs. I've been there a few times. The first time I had a few side effects, the last time I actually got worse, to the point of suicidal - I don't want to go there again.

I've been on this spiral for a long time now, and I've had ups and downs. Because its something I've got through before, I keep telling myself I can do it again, but I struggle to take the next steps I need.

Its all really hit home this week. I've missed a really important deadline at work. I just can't concentrate. So I work late, which ends up going to the wee hours of the morning, I go home to shower and change, fall asleep in the process, get back to the office late (by a normal working day's standard) and am so exhausted I still do nothing productive all day and repeat the process. I did it every day this week. I'm sure people at work think I'm taking the piss because they see me rocking up at work at 10.30-11.00 ......but I can't try to be the hero for working so late because I'm not getting work done. I honestly don't know what I'm doing.

I say this has been coming a long time. While this week has been extreme, its not a million miles from a normal week. (It wouldn't be unusual to have one night a week I don't sleep, but the late starts are getting more and more common). If I am home at a reasonable time, I settle into the couch and just can't even find the motivation to get out of it and go to bed - what little I sleep each night is there. I eat mostly heat up meals, and its been so long since I cooked that I'm not sure I even know how to shop for decent food anymore. I have zero sex drive, no confidence in my appearance, and my apartment is frankly a pig sty and I'm exhausted all the time,

I know only I can make the change, but I'm so overwhelmed I don't know where to start - and its been so long since any of those things were how they should be, I'm not even sure I know 'how to do them right'.

I also know I'm not the first (or last) person to go through this. So does anyone have any tips on how to break this cycle? There are a million ways and I seem to have started all of them and failed.

One thing I'd particularly like is if anyone has ever 'eaten their way out of depression' (helping the process through nutrition).

Woodsocks

I was stuck in a rut once and my advice is to get away from your current suroundings; job, house, couch tv,etc, for as long as you can aford to. I walked the Camino de Santiago a couple of years ago and it changed my life. You might think you have problems until you meet some of the people who walk that road. I have walked it a few times since i.e. every time i need a top up. It may not be for you but hey you never know.

But regardless of what you do, you need to make a plan, a secret plan between you and your other half. Let nobody else know about it. Do something mad, something you have never done before. Make the planning part fun and this will give you somthing to look forward to. When it comes time to do your plan then just do it (don't listen to the black dog).

When you have achieved your plan then start planning another one straight away. Anyway i might be talking BS but my heart is in the right place. Good luck.

P.S. I'd advise you to get a copy of John C Parkin "F*ck It"