Recovery from long absence due to Illness.

LegacyUser

Going anon for this one.

Hi guys,

To cut a long story short I've had a pretty serious illness that I'm finally beginning to take back under control after 3+ years. However, the problem I have that I guess no one would really anticipate (I certainly didn't) is just how much I lost that I am trying to regain after such a long absence. I still have all my friends and new ones, but I'm not even near the same person and no where near as competent in anything I had even a slight level of competency in. Simple things such as speaking to others
More importantly though I'm a rubbish listener and I can't really grasp social cues anymore and feel completely lost at sea when no one understands what I'm saying. To put it simply, it took me several attempts to write this post down to this point, each time I've had to rephrase and restructure everything and the problem is such is my level of self doubt that when things are probably "coherent" I still doubt that they are now. But text is easy, communicating ideas or even simple cordial discussions are just all over the place. One second I could be on about this! then that! then this thing! All of which are related somehow to the subject matter but connected in the most arcane zany bizarre way. At least in my eyes they are.

That's relativity o.k though. My big problem is when it comes to the discussion actually being an important one. I barely pick up on any social cues, I can't tell if I'm upsetting the person, frustrating them, enthralling them etc. and that frustrates the crap out of me. Let's say the topic was religious then I could easily without conscience piss off a devoutly religious and rational person when I didn't mean to. Not just because I can no longer tell whether or not I'm touching on a sensitive area but also because I fail to heed their own words and sentiment. What I mean by that is kind of hard to express. I just cannot convey to them that I understand their point and as they more than likely could not possibly have understood mine it just gets frustrating as hell especially if the subject matter is something I actually care about. Then I can grow frustrated and just talk over people who are trying to speak without realising and it becomes a bit of a vicious circle.

At first, I tried biting my lip and just discussing stuff I knew people would be in agreement on but that's really only procrastinating the problem and not really useful as far as life is actually concerned. Communication is so central to all our lives and right now I can't even do it with those closest to me let alone those further away from me. It knocks my self esteem more than I like to let on to others. I have other problems related to regaining back my life as well which are in their own ways irritating. But right now at the moment of this post my inability to communicate was the one that really frustrates me. I just pissed a friend off because of poor ignorance and he did remarkably well to keep his patience for so long. There was a time when I could talk to people with dogmatic views, convey complex ideas with very good lay friendly clarity, now I can barely convey even simple ones to people who understand the idea already inside out.

So, I guess, in a way, my life has never better in a long time but in another way it is bloody awful and frustrating at the same time. I'm an optimist always have been and I know these things take time. It's just frustrating as hell at times that's all. Thanks for reading this, just writing this anonymously and knowing that someone will read it actually makes me feel a little better.:)

WhyGoBald

It's very natural to experience some difficulty with social relations after a period spent in "exile" such as yours. You sound as if you have a tough case of it. Was there any neurological component to your illness? (Not intending to give medical advice.) Have you had a chat with your doctor about it, or had any counselling about the effects of the illness?

Lanaier

Seems like you're too worried about what others think tbh.

Just say what you've got to say, don't stress so much about social cues.
Try not to think of it so much as losing the ability to interact socially rather than gaining the ability to be very frank and direct.
You'll eventually find that is a trait that many people appreciate.

I have some experience in this matter but I'm not going to talk about it here, they say in the charter not to ask an OP to PM you so I won't.

Just be happy that your life is better than it was.