New -almost relastionship- problems lol

LegacyUser

Ok, so - seeing a guy since the first week of December...I'm 30, he's 32 - so, we're not kids. I really like him and he does like me, both of us are used to being single and are fairly busy with various sports and standing arrangements etc.

I have a few girlfriends who I normally go out with at weekends, all of us don't go out every single weekend but I have found myself constantly waiting until the last minute to confirm my attendance in the hope that he might ask me out, or even worse - not going because I think he will suggest we do something and then he doesn't!

He's left it too late a few times also where I've already made plans, or else I've been available on the spot which makes me feel a bit pathetic (which maybe I am, but hopefully I'm not - I'm just trying to be uber honest)

Anyway, so, I kinda said it to him on Monday that I hated the way everything was last minute and I didn't want to feel like a last resort because he didn't get a better offer and I knew I wasn't that but I'm a girl and I would love to know on Tuesday that we're going on a date at the weekend so that I could look forward to it...so he was really understanding and said "You like a bit of notice, it's as easy as that" point taken etc - so I was kinda expecting him to make a plan and then nothing until yesterday at 4.30pm asking if I wanted to go for dinner at 6pm....then when we were at dinner he said "I think I'll download some movies we can watch over the weekend because I'm not going to drink" but, he still hasn't told me when he intends on watching them and appears to just be assuming I'm free...

If I say it again I'm going to sound like a nagging beeatch - before people start saying he's not that in to me - I'm not big headed, quite insecure actually but I know he likes me - I don't want to change him - I don't think being consistently unavailable when he gives me short notice is going to work either because 1- I really like seeing him, and 2-I've had to turn him down quite a few times already...

Help?

Babooshka

ahmantroubles wrote: »

Ok, so - seeing a guy since the first week of December...I'm 30, he's 32 - so, we're not kids. I really like him and he does like me, both of us are used to being single and are fairly busy with various sports and standing arrangements etc.

I have a few girlfriends who I normally go out with at weekends, all of us don't go out every single weekend but I have found myself constantly waiting until the last minute to confirm my attendance in the hope that he might ask me out, or even worse - not going because I think he will suggest we do something and then he doesn't!

He's left it too late a few times also where I've already made plans, or else I've been available on the spot which makes me feel a bit pathetic (which maybe I am, but hopefully I'm not - I'm just trying to be uber honest)

Anyway, so, I kinda said it to him on Monday that I hated the way everything was last minute and I didn't want to feel like a last resort because he didn't get a better offer and I knew I wasn't that but I'm a girl and I would love to know on Tuesday that we're going on a date at the weekend so that I could look forward to it...so he was really understanding and said "You like a bit of notice, it's as easy as that" point taken etc - so I was kinda expecting him to make a plan and then nothing until yesterday at 4.30pm asking if I wanted to go for dinner at 6pm....then when we were at dinner he said "I think I'll download some movies we can watch over the weekend because I'm not going to drink" but, he still hasn't told me when he intends on watching them and appears to just be assuming I'm free...

If I say it again I'm going to sound like a nagging beeatch - before people start saying he's not that in to me - I'm not big headed, quite insecure actually but I know he likes me - I don't want to change him - I don't think being consistently unavailable when he gives me short notice is going to work either because 1- I really like seeing him, and 2-I've had to turn him down quite a few times already...

Help?

Asking a question isn't nagging. I would text him now saying "remember we talked about that bit of notice thing, well, when did you expect us to watch movies together over the weekend, as my friends and I sometimes meet up too and I don't want any confusion". Or call him and ask him exactly that, might be easiest all round. I hate making arrangements by text message at the start of a relationship, it seems half arsed, but then I am getting on in years and I hate all technology past carrier pigeons...:D

Miss Fluff

ahmantroubles wrote: »

I have found myself constantly waiting until the last minute to confirm my attendance in the hope that he might ask me out, or even worse - not going because I think he will suggest we do something and then he doesn't!

This is your fundamental error right here. Why on earth would you hang around waiting for him and actually turning down nights out like that? You're only at the very early stages of seeing him and I know anyone I've ever dated liked that I was always busy and independent and off doing my own thing thank you very much. He's calling you at the last minute because he presumes (and rightly so) that you will always be available to him. Stop being available! It's as simple as that. I get that you like him, but you've already brought this up so you now need to show him what happens when he does call you at the last minute. You're not available. You're out and about. And if he does like you then it will merely demonstrate to him that he can't just call on you at a moment's notice like that!

ElleEm

You need to start being clear with him around your time and availability. If he says something similar to the watching movies "at the weekend" comment again, your response should be "when were you thinking, exactly, cos I might be doing something with the girls".
When he springs something on you and you have plans, TELL him that you would like to have seen him and gently remind him that you like/need a bit of notice.
Don't always wait for him to be the one to arrange dates- you're not kids, you said it yourself. If you wanna go out with the girls on a Saturday, tell him earlier in the week and ask if he fancies doing something another night. Take control of the dates!

LovelyLottie

You've already said that you want a bit of notice with plans, you shouldn't have to say it again. In fact it's useless saying it again. He knows that you want notice.

He also knows that you're keeping yourself free for him, so why would he even bother arranging things well in advance? He knows you'll always make yourself be free to see him.

From now on, make plans with others when they ask you. Make yourself busy and stop being so available.

He'll either learn that if he wants to see you at the weekend he'll need to ask you in good time, or he'll continue as is, and in that case you'll need to decide how much you want to put up with. Best of luck.