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Communication Problem

  • 26-01-2012 3:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    Have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. Suffice to say he is not the type to talk about his feelings, what he is thinking etc. I know a lot of men are like this and that's fair enough. However I would say my boyfriend is at the extreme end of that scale. I never know if he is happy, sad, angry whatever - he is impossible to guage and always appears in the exact same mood no matter what is going on. This has resulted in me questioning him about what he is thinking etc. For example if I get the sense that he is annoyed with me over something I will ask him straight out "are you annoyed about x" and he will find some way of not responding or just change subject so I am no clearer. I don't want to be a nag and one of the those stereotypcial types that need to know every thought and feeling that he has but sometimes it would be nice to know. While he treats me very well he is slow to talk about his feelings for me or to compliment me etc. I have mentioned this to him on several occasions and he more or less says that is the way he is.

    I am afraid that this is going to drive us apart. I have been trying to tone down the feelings conversations but often am left a bit angered by the situation. Does anyone else have experience with this and is this something you get used to? Am I asking to much here?

    Any advice please? Thanks.


Comments

  • #2
    LovelyLottie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 185 ✭✭LovelyLottie


    Yes, this is something i have experience of. And no, it's not something i could get used to. Hence in my particular situation, the relationship didn't work out and it ended.

    If you feel that discussions about feelings/emotions are an important part of a relationship, then no you're not asking too much, but perhaps you're asking more of him than he's able to give.

    Everyone is different about what they want from a relationship. Some people seem to be happy to have someone to do 'stuff' with and don't seem to need the deeply emotional/feelings side of a relationship as much as others do.

    He has told you that this is how he is - believe him. You can of course tell him how you're feeling in the hope that he'll open up a bit. He may just need a bit of time to become comfortable talking about his feelings. But don't think you're going to be able to change who he is.

    I think you need to ask yourself whether your needs are being met in the relationship, and decide whether this is the type of relationship you want to be in. Best of luck.


  • #3
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    It sounds like you are not satisfied by the relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting more emotion but there is also nothing wrong with him being the person he is.

    The bottom line is you shouldnt have to change him to make you happy. He also shouldnt have to change so its decision time. can you leave him alone and just give up all ideas of changing him and still be happy in the relationship? If not, then no one will win this one and you will just make each other unhappy so its probably best to break.


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