Wanting Friends Of a Certain Quality

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm getting a bit down in myself lately as I can't seem to find people who like to have discussions about the issues I like to discuss. For example, I love talking about religion, politics, philosophical questions, history, and learning obscure information about everything.

From others analysis of me, they always seem to get the impression they can't debate with me as I 'appear' to have a superior knowledge on these issues than the vast majority. I also get frustrated that when I discuss serious issues with people, they appear to have an inferior knowledge, or hold views without knowing the relevant information and whom discard anything you say against them.

I could talk about these issues all night, and I'm not intolerant or bigoted either.

I'm 22...just I'm getting a bit down, where I'm learning as much as I can as I love these questions, but I've nobody I can share it with. I don't want forum chat as that seems to be missing the point. I'd like real friends in these areas, but can't seem to find them.

It really does get me down though. :-(

The Lovely Muffin

Have you joined or thought about joining any clubs, societies or social groups about these interests?

I'm sure if you Google you might find something in your local area and if not, maybe in a nearby town/city? Can you travel to nearby towns/cities?

Ickle Magoo

Are you sure it's your superior knowledge putting them off - and not your superior attitude?

Seriously OP - There are any number of sites and debating groups you can get your dose of religion, politics, history and philosophy in and from - friendship is usually about much more than taking apart peoples beliefs and ideals or thinking less of them for holding a particular view.

Perhaps consider joining a like-minded political or debating group locally and see if you foster any friendships that way but I have to point out that some of my best friends have completely opposing views on all matter of things to me - it doesn't reduce the quality of that friend - sometimes just the opposite.

All the best.

bedrock#1

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Are you sure it's your superior knowledge putting them off - and not your superior attitude?

Way below the belt there Magoo....

I know how the lad feels. People I hung around with at that age and younger were woefully ill-informed about anything going on around them. Either that or they were afraid of being seen as a nerd - social pressure's a b1tch.

Are you in university OP? If so the society route might be a good option. I found that as i got older the way society effects peoples lives makes them take an interest in these issues.

Don't get disheartened with comments like the above, try and meet as many people as you can and you'll find interesting people!

Good luck

LegacyUser

@the lovely muffin & @Ickie Magoo;

Yup - I'm not particularly looking for people who I agree with, and would prefer to befriend people who have different and opposing views as that helps to refine argument rather than me wallowing in some delusion.

I don't think I have a superior attitude, I've never considered myself an arrogant person and can get along with pretty much anyone. Just lately, I've realized I've nobody to discuss what I'm interested in. My current friends don't seem to care about this stuff.

Again, I don't have a superiority complex nor am looking for someone who totally agrees with me. The exact opposite in fact.

Thanks for the replies, they are appreciated. I'm worried if I go to a club for any one particular thing, I'll just end up finding someone who agrees with a political position.

Mickey Dazzler

Sound like you have a superior attitude to me I'm afraid.

Sleepy

Why not join a debating society?

From my own experience of them in college you'll find a fairly wide group of people with different beliefs and levels of knowledge on those topics, some will undoubtedly have a shallow level of knowledge about many topics but at least they'll be the sort who enjoy the debate with someone who has more knowledge on the subject than the average person who'll simply consider you to be ranting?

Ickle Magoo

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

@the lovely muffin & @Ickie Magoo;

Yup - I'm not particularly looking for people who I agree with, and would prefer to befriend people who have different and opposing views as that helps to refine argument rather than me wallowing in some delusion.

I don't think I have a superior attitude, I've never considered myself an arrogant person and can get along with pretty much anyone. Just lately, I've realized I've nobody to discuss what I'm interested in. My current friends don't seem to care about this stuff.

Again, I don't have a superiority complex nor am looking for someone who totally agrees with me. The exact opposite in fact.

Thanks for the replies, they are appreciated. I'm worried if I go to a club for any one particular thing, I'll just end up finding someone who agrees with a political position.

I think equating quality of friend with their enthusiasm for debating all the issues of the day isn't a great way of looking at it - many people wouldn't find someone who constantly wants to argue and debate a great quality of friend so it really goes both ways - the crux of the issue is finding someone you click with and who shares your like of discussion/debate.

You are 22 - are you in uni? Plenty of debate and discussion groups there. I don't think you really need worry about any group having a hive-mind about anything - even within political parties or action groups with a common cause there is plenty of scope for differing opinion and discussion/debate.

All the best. :cool:

Oryx

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, they are appreciated. I'm worried if I go to a club for any one particular thing, I'll just end up finding someone who agrees with a political position.

Youre overthinking this. Go check out whatever clubs interest you. If they dont suit you well no harm, you tried.

I have some pretty niche interests myself, but I have friends who do and others who dont hold those interests also. I appreciate both, I need people outside of those interests in my life too. It keeps me balanced. I understand that you want an intellectual outlet, but dont forget that the other apparently 'dumb' people you know may turn out to have aspects and thoughts that will challenge your thinking. You just havent asked them the right questions yet.

Kevo

TBH I think you are being a bit unfair to your friends. You are measuring people based on their interest/ability in subjects which you are interested in. I'm sure your friends have their talents too.

Having said that, you should certainly look for people who share your interests. The first step would be to look for group/club and go from there.
Best of luck

going un-reg

Hey OP,

I'm exactly in the same boat as you. I find many that I chat to just seem ignorant to how the world works, and rely on old fashioned ideals and concepts to form their opinions which are outdated and irrelevant to today's society.

I find it pretty frustrating because people these days are so consumed with what celebrity is doing what, and how plastered they got at the weekend etc (I'm not saying everyone is like this, perhaps I just unfortunately encounter too many)

If you have an account here, send me a pm and I'll chat with you if you like.

LegacyUser

i think the people who can, just by the op's brief introduction, reckon the op has a superior attitude are being completely unfair.

there's a kind of strange snobbery in this country when it comes to the kind of intelligence that craves stimulation. it only comes from a narrow band of people, granted. but it's like an upside down snobbery. intead of looking down on people who are less interested in the world, they look down on people who are MORE interested in the world. i'm not sure where it comes from though. begrudgery? jealousy?

op i'm with you on this one. i find myself in a time and place, geographically speaking, surrounded by people who i have nothing in common with intellectually. they're just not interested in knowing things, or questioning things, or they trot out a second hand opinion about it that they heard without the capacity (or want) to formulate an idea about it THEMSELVES. certain things i'm interested in, i've come up against a really strange reaction from some people, like 'what's the point in that?' it's like if it doesn't make you richer, more successfull or whatever, then they simply cannot fathom why anyone would bother.

it's not a nice place or position to be in. you end up feeling, i'm not sure really how to put it, but you kind of end up feeling a bit intellectually stunted. you need to be challenged intellectually, at least i do, and if the people around you aren't doing that for you then you're more than within your rights to feel this, ask for more, and seek it out.

i have no idea where you might find what you're looking for as i'm no longer 22 or in college. but i hope you do, op. you'll feel all the better for it. ignore the naysayers ;-) x

Fenian Army

I know the feeling, friends would rather talk about football than politics etc.
Join a club, not a debating club because they suck.

LegacyUser

I was giving up completely with this after the comments I read last night, but some people can actually empathise with my situation.

I've said already that I am not an arrogant person, and yet have been totally branded as having a 'Superior Attitude', which I don't. I get on great with my friends and enjoy their conversation immensely, wouldn't trade that for anything. However, I was simply pointing out that while I enjoy them and wouldn't change them, sometimes it would be nice to be challenged somehow to think about things differently, and not simply someone arguing 'it's the media' or 'american imperialism', which appears to be the ignoramus' answer to everything...you get the picture.

Disappointed with most of the replies which actually insult me rather than assist me. Some posters did provide advice and I'll certainly think to act on it, and thanks to the other guys who recognize this as a legitimate issue and not something to be brushed under some snobbery carpet.

WhyGoBald

OP, this is what previous posters are referring to:

From others analysis of me, they always seem to get the impression they can't debate with me as I 'appear' to have a superior knowledge on these issues than the vast majority. I also get frustrated that when I discuss serious issues with people, they appear to have an inferior knowledge, or hold views without knowing the relevant information and whom discard anything you say against them.

I would add this:

However, I was simply pointing out that while I enjoy them and wouldn't change them, sometimes it would be nice to be challenged somehow to think about things differently, and not simply someone arguing 'it's the media' or 'american imperialism', which appears to be the ignoramus' answer to everything...you get the picture.

The second part of this sentence appears to contradict the first.

Yes, intellectual isolation can be an issue, depending on where you live, and other factors. If you live near a town or city, or within driving distance, it shouldn't be a huge problem, as debating clubs, book clubs and historical societies are now common even in small towns and there's a much larger choice the bigger the population. Also, specialist internet groups and lists are a good resource for discussion and even friendship.

However, regardless of your protests, your attitude is a problem. You have clearly indicated that people don't have a right to an opinion if they are not "properly" informed. This is a false position, and I'm afraid even among those who are well-informed according to your standards it won't do you any favours whatever. Enjoy your friends for what they are, even if they don't share your particular interests, and seek those who enjoy those interests elsewhere.

LegacyUser

WhyGoBald wrote: »

OP, this is what previous posters are referring to:



I would add this:



The second part of this sentence appears to contradict the first.

Yes, intellectual isolation can be an issue, depending on where you live, and other factors. If you live near a town or city, or within driving distance, it shouldn't be a huge problem, as debating clubs, book clubs and historical societies are now common even in small towns and there's a much larger choice the bigger the population. Also, specialist internet groups and lists are a good resource for discussion and even friendship.

However, regardless of your protests, your attitude is a problem. You have clearly indicated that people don't have a right to an opinion if they are not "properly" informed. This is a false position, and I'm afraid even among those who are well-informed according to your standards it won't do you any favours whatever. Enjoy your friends for what they are, even if they don't share your particular interests, and seek those who enjoy those interests elsewhere.

I wasn't intending to create a debate when I started this thread, only to hope for some advice to find individuals who have an interest in certain questions.

My quote from the first post reflects others expressions of me as I've discussed with them. Not once did they argue I was arrogant or maintaining a superior attitude, in fact, these people remain friends of mine.

Regarding the second post you quoted, I was simply referring to uninformed people who use the same excuses which simple reflect a lack of knowledge or failure to acquire it. Luckily these people are few and far between, but they exist. I'm simply trying to point out, by referring to the extremes, that I'd prefer more stimulating conversation rather than re-hashes of an uninformed bias with almost no foundation.

I sincerely apologise if I gave the wrong impression though, it was not intended at all.

Thanks for the responses thus far. :-)

WhyGoBald

There is no need to apologise, OP; all I am saying is that, while intellectual isolation is a genuine issue (you haven't indicated what your particular circumstances are, so it is a little hard to give advice directed to your situation), you have given a certain impression to several posters on this thread, and are likely projecting that same attitude elsewhere. The title of the thread is "Wanting Friends of a Certain Quality"; there is certainly a judgemental aspect to that.

Good luck.

baby and crumble

OP, I think the use of the word "quality" is what is rubbing people up the wrong way. It insinuates that people who don't want to debate a topic thoroughly in their spare time are not up to the same standard as other people.

I will say I do agree that there seems to be a weird thing happening whereby if someone was to come on here asking where they could meet friends that want to go out on the weekends, there wouldn't be half these responses. While I don't equate knowledge of current affairs with intelligence, if you say something like "i like having intelligent conversation with people who have informed opinions" immediately people get on the defensive.

Most of my friends can engage with me on an equal intellectual level and I make no bones about the fact that I like that.

As for finding where you can meet people like that... it's kind of hard to say, just because I've never gone looking for any specific kind of friend, you know? The people who I click with and remain friends with are people who enjoy similar things to me. Just go out and meet loads of people. You might find that your perceived requirement is not required as much as you think. Plus not all your friends have to have the same hobbies or interests.

Stavro Mueller

For what it's worth, I don't think you're snobby or superior at all. You're at a point in your life where your personality and interests have developed in a different direction to those of your friends.

The only answer is for you to broaden your social circle. Don't just hang out with people your own age. I heartily recommend getting to know people who are in their 40s and 50s. I am lucky enough to work alongside some people in this age group and have had some fabulous conversations with them. It's also a joy to just sit back and listen to them chat when we are at lunch. They're also less likely to be obsessed with X-Factor :pac:

Have you looked into joining something like Toastmasters or a debating society? Or even any activity that involves meeting new people? Perhaps you are in a comfort zone in your life and haven't made any new friends in ages?

jpm4

http://www.meetup.com/Free-Thinking-Society/

dellas1979

Just because a person likes to debate or is good at debating, or has a particular interest in something, doesnt mean they are intellectually above anyone else or superior in any way at all, and to think or believe that does imply an ego in there somewhere, OR its a young persons way of looking at things rather innocently. I would say it is the latter. Your first post implies that people who dont share your interests are kind of silly but you have cleared up that this is not what you meant to say.

While you seem to appreciate your friends for what they offer you (fun/craic etc), they are not floating your boat with regards your interests. Nothing wrong with that. You can make more individual friends based on what you are looking for.

For example, I speak French. Most of my friends dont. If I want to go speak French, I will go and speak to a friend/person who does.

You just need to get out there and make new friends with similar interests.

saa

Really think about what you want to get from your friends,
in regards to your intellectual needs friendships are rarely the best way to quench that, so do other activities that quench those needs and the friends you make through those activities will be more on your wave length.

I have friends who I do fun things with, I have friends who study the same theories I do but even when I'm out with them we don't debate each other because we have other out lets for that, just saying its hard to find the right friends if you're looking for your friends to fulfill your own needs whatever they may be just don't bank on it and don't worry about having to find friends the more things you're actively involved in the more people you meet.

Even with intellectuals debating ideologies causes tension and we just want to get away from work when we're all together.

rotti oRiley

Have you looked into joining a philosphy society, don't know where you are but there's a great one in Waterford.

I went to one and it was not for me as the majority did seem very self righteous-probably spelt wrong:) and arrogant.

I do get where you're coming from, sometimes i wonder if i'm al alien:o

As for people who don't know how the world really works.....well the ones that do all seem to be depressed:) the ones i've met anyway. Because they know the truth.

It's hard to get yourself understood on the forums as typing lacks all the other senses we use in conversation, but you're not doing yourself any favours with your wording i guess. I've had trouble myself, unintentionally offending people.:eek:

BarackPyjama

OP - Has it occurred to you that religion, philosophy, politics and history are subjects that many genuinely intelligent people would find incredibly boring? As a more scientific person, I could look down my nose at you and find you to be of 'poor quality' and your range of interests to be covering up a lack of intelligence by concentrating on fantasies and pseudo-sciences. I wouldn't though. As I'm intelligent enough to appreciate true intelligence when I see it. It often doesn't come from memorising from books either.

LegacyUser

Sorry, but I had to reply to that commend that Barack just said.

You refer to looking down on me because you do science. Well - I'm happy to report that I do science as well, well, in my Masters in the chemistry area. Science is my first and deepest interest. I'm also fluent in many languages.

I'm saying all this to show that my interests are wide and varied, I just find a lot of people to be uninterested EVEN in scientific discussions (which admittedly I love having too).

There seems to be very few people interested in learning more than what appears to be the default position of reading The Sun or watching a couple of soaps every now and again. As condescending as that sounds, (and I'd never label everyone like this), it does have a ring of truth for a lot of people.

Anyhow, I had to respond to that comment, got on my nerves.

BarackPyjama

That's what's called "narcissistic rage" mate. A lack of humility is as much of a curse as being ignorant. Probably more so.

Ickle Magoo

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

There seems to be very few people interested in learning more than what appears to be the default position of reading The Sun or watching a couple of soaps every now and again.

That's an absolute nonsense and intellectual snobbery to boot.

The majority of young people have third level education now...contrary to what some would have you believe being able to swallow reams of information and spewing it back out at will does not constitute great intelligence nor quality friendship for that matter...it's not a difficult skill to acquire and it's not uncommon to find people who can do it admirably.

My question about your attitude in my first post wasn't rhetorical - I can think of at least three people when I was at uni who considered themselves intellectually superior to most others and would take any opportunity to launch into whatever snippet of current affairs or philosopher they'd been reading that week - and managed to do quite the opposite of attracting clever, interesting and genuine people to them. Their attitude put people off wanting to get to know them to the point that many people who regularly enjoyed colourful debate and discussion at other times, with other people, played dumb in their company just so as not to set them off.

If you want to have debate and discussion then there are going to be those kind of groups in your educational establishment...in my experience, if you want to encourage organic friendships that may blossom into the kind where you can have roaring debates and argue over things then you need to make friends first and you also have to ensure you give people incentive to discuss things with you ie not shouting them down or considering their views ignorant.

You have a degree, you have studied languages, you are studying for a masters - surely in all this you bumped into a few people who weren't sun reading, soap-opera watchers and made friends with them?

dellas1979

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

There seems to be very few people interested in learning more than what appears to be the default position of reading The Sun or watching a couple of soaps every now and again.

Go way out of that man.

Your perception of (and behaviour towards) people is so squewed its strange (yet interesting).

Its leaning towards ego-centric. You just cant see the bigger picture.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

You have a degree, you have studied languages, you are studying for a masters - surely in all this you bumped into a few people who weren't sun reading, soap-opera watchers and made friends with them?

Almost everyone with the exception of 2 people in my undergraduate years were interested in what they were actually studying. The other people seemed to be there for a good time and/or just getting a qualification for the sake of it, even while holding a marginal interest in the subject they were studying. Unfortunately, the Masters students appear to be cut from the same cloth, like some sort of academic drone with near vacuous personalities.

Moreover, I think that having a degree is WAY overrated. For example, I don't consider people who hold a degree to be smart. They are usually, as others and you said, just memorizing information and rehashing it in exams. They then party and forget said information and say 'Year Done'. Unfortunately this has been my experience. By the way, I'm not knocking 'partying', I actively do it as well.

Furthermore, I don't like the type of company you described above myself, and often found myself in that situation where I pretended I didn't know something just so that I didn't seed a potential rant of useless information. That's not what I am nor what I'm looking for. I'm not saying I don't have any friends like what I want, just I'd like more in this area. If that makes me an arrogant snob, then sorry, I'll take the label, but I still want to find more interested in my areas, which are pretty broad to be honest.

James W

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

Hey,

I'm getting a bit down in myself lately as I can't seem to find people who like to have discussions about the issues I like to discuss. For example, I love talking about religion, politics, philosophical questions, history, and learning obscure information about everything.

From others analysis of me, they always seem to get the impression they can't debate with me as I 'appear' to have a superior knowledge on these issues than the vast majority. I also get frustrated that when I discuss serious issues with people, they appear to have an inferior knowledge, or hold views without knowing the relevant information and whom discard anything you say against them.

I could talk about these issues all night, and I'm not intolerant or bigoted either.

I'm 22...just I'm getting a bit down, where I'm learning as much as I can as I love these questions, but I've nobody I can share it with. I don't want forum chat as that seems to be missing the point. I'd like real friends in these areas, but can't seem to find them.

It really does get me down though. :-(

I'm smiling at your post and relieved to read that you're 22 - and I don't mean that in a patronising way.:)

If you were discussing the topics you like to discuss (favourite topics of my own too, as it happens) with a person who was much more knowledgeable than you, how would you like this person to interact with you? If they dismissed you because of your "inferior" knowledge how would it make you feel? Would they be correct to judge you in this manner and respond in this manner? I very much doubt if, at the ripe old age of 22 you have, as you state, "superior knowledge" over the "vast majority"!! There is no monopoly on knowledge! More than any others, it is the greatest minds in the world who are most aware of all they do not know!

Perhaps your peer group is simply not interested in the same things that you are but this does not imply they are less intelligent. Also, such discussions are not competitions and it sounds to me as if you might want to have such discussions to reinforce your belief that you are superior. Surprisingly enough, this will piss people off!

I think you need to chill out - enjoy the learning - you'll find others who will share your interests, they're out there! You cannot force others to engage as you want them to on the topics you want. As some other posters have suggested, look into joining clubs or societies that may provide an outlet - the L&H or debating society might be up your street!

James W

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

Almost everyone with the exception of 2 people in my undergraduate years were interested in what they were actually studying.

I presume you mean they are not interested!

The other people seemed to be there for a good time and/or just getting a qualification for the sake of it, even while holding a marginal interest in the subject they were studying. Unfortunately, the Masters students appear to be cut from the same cloth, like some sort of academic drone with near vacuous personalities.

Why do you worry so much about others and their motives - as you perceive them? Just focus on your degree and your objectives. I assume you're a first class honours student?:)

Moreover, I think that having a degree is WAY overrated. For example, I don't consider people who hold a degree to be smart. They are usually, as others and you said, just memorizing information and rehashing it in exams.

This may be true - and it may not - but there is much to be learned from the process.

They then party and forget said information and say 'Year Done'. Unfortunately this has been my experience. By the way, I'm not knocking 'partying', I actively do it as well.

Sounds good to me!

Furthermore, I don't like the type of company you described above myself, and often found myself in that situation where I pretended I didn't know something just so that I didn't seed a potential rant of useless information.

Don't know what this means - clarity please!

That's not what I am nor what I'm looking for. I'm not saying I don't have any friends like what I want, just I'd like more in this area. If that makes me an arrogant snob, then sorry, I'll take the label, but I still want to find more interested in my areas, which are pretty broad to be honest.

This isn't going to happen until your outlook and approach changes - unfortunately. You seem to be extremely critical of others and don't seem very happy with yourself.

LegacyUser

James W wrote: »

I'm smiling at your post and relieved to read that you're 22 - and I don't mean that in a patronising way.:)

If you were discussing the topics you like to discuss (favourite topics of my own too, as it happens) with a person who was much more knowledgeable than you, how would you like this person to interact with you? If they dismissed you because of your "inferior" knowledge how would it make you feel? Would they be correct to judge you in this manner and respond in this manner? I very much doubt if, at the ripe old age of 22 you have, as you state, "superior knowledge" over the "vast majority"!! There is no monopoly on knowledge! More than any others, it is the greatest minds in the world who are most aware of all they do not know!

Perhaps your peer group is simply not interested in the same things that you are but this does not imply they are less intelligent. Also, such discussions are not competitions and it sounds to me as if you might want to have such discussions to reinforce your belief that you are superior. Surprisingly enough, this will piss people off!

I think you need to chill out - enjoy the learning - you'll find others who will share your interests, they're out there! You cannot force others to engage as you want them to on the topics you want. As some other posters have suggested, look into joining clubs or societies that may provide an outlet - the L&H or debating society might be up your street!

I've actually been following your own 'Personal Issues' thread, and well, considering you are gay & interested in the same subjects; maybe we should meet sometime :-)!

I never claim to have a 'superior knowledge', I explicitly stated that it was other peoples reviews of me, especially by people who became my friends. Now, if they thought I was arrogant or full of myself, they wouldn't have befriended me.

Plus, I never even used the word 'Intelligent' in my first post. Intelligence and knowledge can be sharply distinguished and I don't claim to occupy either realm, but others appear to place me there through no fault of my own. Again - I've never been reported as big-headed or arrogant, so the impression I give here must be a bad one.

Anyhow, thanks again for the comment, appreciated :-)

rock22

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

Hey,

I'm getting a bit down in myself lately as I can't seem to find people who like to have discussions about the issues I like to discuss. For example, I love talking about religion, politics, philosophical questions, history, and learning obscure information about everything.

...I 'appear' to have a superior knowledge on these issues than the vast majority. I also get frustrated .. they appear to have an inferior knowledge, or hold views without knowing the relevant information and whom discard anything you say against them.

It really does get me down though. :-(

Could I suggest Platos Dialogues.

("As for me, all I know is that I know nothing." Socrates.)

Although, having a superior knowledge, you might find Socrates a little frustrating.

LegacyUser

rock22 wrote: »

Could I suggest Platos Dialogues.

("As for me, all I know is that I know nothing." Socrates.)

Although, having a superior knowledge, you might find Socrates a little frustrating.

I've seen a few allusions to Socrates alright, in James post and Ickie I think...I certainly adopt his principle that the sign of an educated individual requires an appreciation of how ignorant you are. That's why I love discussion, always helps to refine and learn something new...which is exactly why I'm asking the question on this forum. Love all that stuff tbh.

I don't consider myself 'intelligent' or 'knowledgeable'; they are labels people stick on me, I simply reply that I'm neither and they have the capacity to be what they're trying to describe, maybe they should try harder, but I certainly don't deserve the label.

nowyouresix

OP: you are an intelligent, articulate and well educated young person. However, I worry as to your understanding of the word "friend" . Is it that you seek company of like minded individuals, or are you lacking people in your life who would have your back no matter what? People who would come to the funeral of your family and console you, people who would pick you up after the breakup of a relationship, people who would visit you if you were unwell, with a kind word and genuine support?
Personally I would debate with an acquaintance, but have a heart to heart with a friend.

Good luck with your quest....

James W

anonymousseriousguy wrote: »

I've actually been following your own 'Personal Issues' thread, and well, considering you are gay & interested in the same subjects; maybe we should meet sometime :-)!

I never claim to have a 'superior knowledge', I explicitly stated that it was other peoples reviews of me, especially by people who became my friends. Now, if they thought I was arrogant or full of myself, they wouldn't have befriended me.

Plus, I never even used the word 'Intelligent' in my first post. Intelligence and knowledge can be sharply distinguished and I don't claim to occupy either realm, but others appear to place me there through no fault of my own. Again - I've never been reported as big-headed or arrogant, so the impression I give here must be a bad one.

Anyhow, thanks again for the comment, appreciated :-)

Feel free to send a pm so! Being honest, though they're far from the areas I originally studied, philosophy, theology, politics, etc, interest me greatly.

I'm impressed that you're tuned into such topics at a relatively young age. I may as well say that at any age it's difficult to find people who have any great interest in these topics - a lot of unexamined lives! Mention religion and the response is likely to be a rant about the Catholic Church and child abuse - disappointing really.

Meller

Hey OP. I haven't read all the responses here, but I totally understand what you're saying. Luckily I'm in college now where people are generally more open to discussing politics, philosophy, etc. but I have a hard time making friends with people who just want to constantly talk about trivialities, and are honestly quite ignorant to what's going on outside of their own lives or areas (and I know not everyone can be informed about everything - I'm certainly not - but most people aren't even INTERESTED in learning about it, which is where my problem lies).

I don't think you have a superior attitude - I don't think I do, I don't claim to know everything about everything, but I'm always open to knowing more and talking about it.

I know that throughout most of my school life, I had to 'dumb' everything I said down in order not to feel like some pretentious idiot (or just a downright freak), and I still feel like I have to do that with a lot of people today (especially as everyone is so quick to judge and make assumptions). That's not arrogant, it's just wanting to have a semi-serious, interesting conversation for once where you can actually say what you think, even if it's different to everyone else.

I don't have much advice, OP, but there are people out there who are similar to you. Maybe start with forums, like this place, for discussing these things and then you'll run into people who live nearby and can become friends with?

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
I've read most of the thread and just felt like chiming in.

A few things stand out.
I think the reason some people pointed out your attitude is just because you mentioned not really being interested in some peoples views on things as they are silly. The problem is, if you are conversing with someone, you have to take their point of view too, even if you disagree. Thats conversation.

I consider myself well educated in my particular field too, I'm a technology guy, my 3 closest friends are an engineer, a biologist and an academic. We sometimes talk about each others fields and like to learn about it and sometimes challenge the others. At the same time, the reason we all get along is because we just shoot the breeze when we are together.

I can talk for hours about my chosen field when I'm in work but to be honest, when I go outside the doors at the end of the day, I just want a beer, watch a game, turn my brain off and watch some silly tv show. I suspect the people in your course who apear to be just "showing up to get the degree" are like this too... We are all interested in what we are doing but we also need to "turn off" which sometimes means talking about stupid things, reading the Sun, partying, or whatever... I just can't come home, whip out my laptop and start coding into the night. I have collegues who do and would look down on me for not being the same but in work I'm sucure enough to know I can do a job as well as them if not better, I have nothing to prove and I suspect a lot of people are the same.

Don't take this the wrong way but you're also in your early 20's in college by the sounds of it. At that age it's easy to think you have the world figured out but you'll learn in time that you don't. Again, i knew people in my course who drove me nuts with their opinions on things insisting everything they had read in some book that week was gospel and every opinion of mine was idiotic. I ended up brushing them off, a debate with them was never a debate, it was them pushing their views down my throat until I gave up and it just was not fun conversation. (At a really high level think of Mac vs. PC people... a constant debate with people I work with but something people always want to converse about but will never budge on their views...it becomes tiresome and just not enjoyable... so lets just talk about last nights match instead.) Get what I mean.

I know you mean well but maybe ease up a little. If someone else political, religious or scientific views are different then just accept it, talk about the pros and cons of both and leave it at that instead of dismissing their views.... after that, give THEM some time to talk about what THEY want to talk about... it balances out and everyone enjoys the conversation more.

Ave Sodalis

Hey OP, I'm 17 and in much the same boat. I come from a very small town that holds many small-minded people (this is not a reflection of a small town in general, just mine) who are, what you would consider, opinion sheep i.e. they follow the opinion of others and forget that they can form their own. Me and my family have long been considered quite strange as we tend to 'think outside the box' so to speak. (I'm not saying this in an egotistical sense, I'm just stating fact, I can't tolerate much egotism).

I'm in first year of uni now, and again, I haven't found anyone with the same way of thinking as me but I have made a vast amount of friends. The way I deal with it is I see it as a social experiment. Even though I'm studying a different subject, I have a strong interest in psychology and the way people think. I like to analysis how factors influence people into their way of thinking, what's repressing them, what makes them do certain things etc. I don't know if you're the same OP, but it is a great way to lessen annoyance and frustration. Also, self-realisation is another thing you can work on. Finding out who you are and not what others have made you... it can give you a great sense of mental peace

However, bare in mind there are different types of intelligence. For example, I'm not book smart. I have a poor memory which stops me from straight out of book. I have average grades but I have a high IQ and (more importantly) EQ.

Although I would be a strong believer in thinking up new philosophies myself and not regurgitating what others have said or done, I would recommend you watch The Peaceful Warrior. I admit the movie is quite simplified, but it gets the general idea across