Craving alcohol

LegacyUser

Hi boarders,

I'm looking for advice but also if I'm honest someone to tell me it's ok. Please don't judge me too harshly.

I've suffered with depression on and off over 6 years. I am currently undergoing a particularly bad episode. I was suicidal at the weekend and was spotted by gardai as I approached a river (fully intending to go in). I dunno how they spotted me and now I'm glad because I saw how upset my family saw when they came to the hospital. I had been drinking that night. It certainly didn't help and definitely made me worse. I know it was foolish and usually I've been smarter.

I'm out of the hospital - they only kept me in for about 16 hours thankfully. I've been feeling a lil better every day. I've been to see my counsellor and my gp and I have an appointment on Friday to review my medication. I'm determined to do my level best to bounce back. I'm lucky in that my employer is very understanding (I've been with them for 2 years and I haven't been this bad with depression since before I was employed by the business) and has let me take this week as part of my holidays.

My concern now isn't so much the depression but the fact I am actively craving alcohol this week. I'm horrified as there is a history of alcoholism in my family (like many many many Irish families) and I've always sworn I would be watchful over my own drinking habits. I have been drinking a few beers most nights for the past two weeks before the incident at the weekend (the night in question I drank a lot more - 8 bottles). I see now what it has been a habit I fell into without really being conscious of it. I know I was partly drinking to try and suppress the feelings I was having with the depression. Well I know that now.

I'm sitting here and I've never felt a craving for alcohol like this. I'm scared. I've already decided (whilst I was in hospital) that I would not drink again until I was back to my self. Now I'm wondering if I should ever drink again. I'm seeing my counsellor again tomorrow and I will discuss this with her but I'm scared now.

I know I might be over reacting but having seen the horrors of alcohol dependence first hand and been deeply scarred by it I just feel very scared. I also really can't imagine never drinking again. Or never getting drunk again. I just want to be like everyone else.

Alibaba

Hi Op,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I think you answered your own question when you said you thought you should never drink again .
I'm no expert so not qualified to give you advice but i do know that alcohol gives a temporary high , and afterwards when you come down off that high you feel even worse.

I would say don't be afraid to talk to your councellor, be honest with him/her.
Afterall they've probably heard something like this before and are best qualified to deal with it.

That's what they are there for and will help you to pull through.

All the Best.

KKkitty

OP I know how you feel. For 5 or 6 years of my life I had issues with alcohol. It went from every weekend to every night of the week. Let what happened to you be a wake up call that alcohol and you don't mix. Think of what you still have to do in life and see. Solutions to problems are never found at the end of a bottle. Go back on your medicine and speak to your counsellor. He/she is there to help. Speak to your family too. I hope you'll be ok

Julie London

OP first off im glad your still here.
Secondly can you see the link between your recent suicide attempt and the drink?
Alcohol is a deporessant, it makes people depressed and makes moods fluctuate. Now if your on medication and already have a history of depression alcohol is ten times worse for you than the average person.
Let me expalin a bit about myself, I suffered with depression for 2-3 years. During this time i craved alcohol it was the only thing I believed that made me feel better. I was on and off prozac too at times when things got bad.
1 Year ago i stopped drinking completely ,and my mind has recovered so much that i need no medications. Im just a normal happy person who has bad days like everyone else. I have no depression now. It took a few months off alcohol to start feeling good again.
Alcohol is a huge drug, that is legal in this country and so deemed normal. But believe me alcohol is a drug and should be viewed as a drug. Alot of people are fine and can manage the effects but thousands cannot.

Miss Fluff

If you were dependent on alcohol and suddenly cut it out then it's important you at least consult a medical professional and tell them what you are doing. A GP may be able to give you a mild sedative or something else which will help you get over the first few tough days. In light of your recent suicide attempt as well it is important that you now seek medical help so they can help you assess the best way forward for you and ensure that cravings are kept to a minimum.

dj_

Julie London wrote: »

Alcohol is a deporessant, it makes people depressed and makes moods fluctuate.

Alcohol being a depressant just means that it depresses the function or activity of a specific part of the brain. Meaning slower heart rate, breathing and blood pressure along with sedation and cognitive/memory impairment.

Julie London

dj_ wrote: »

Alcohol being a depressant just means that it depresses the function or activity of a specific part of the brain. Meaning slower heart rate, breathing and blood pressure along with sedation and cognitive/memory impairment.

Many alcoholics suffer from depression. When they quit drinking the depression can lift. It cannot be a coincidence. Alcohol is a drug like any other. And if your susceptible, drugs can cause depression.

dj_

Julie London wrote: »

Many alcoholics suffer from depression. When they quit drinking the depression can lift. It cannot be a coincidence. Alcohol is a drug like any other. And if your susceptible, drugs can cause depression.

I agree with all that. I was just pointing out that alcohol being classed as a depressant doesn't really have anything to do with it.

Back on topic...

Exercise, fresh air and healthy diet can help an awful lot. Instead of sitting around in front of the TV just go out for a walk/run. Also, to address the last paragraph, there is no point in worrying about whether you will drink again or not at the moment. I would recommend that you set a date in the future (say a few months/half a year), and not drink for that length of time. Once you reach that stage you can decide on how to proceed. If you feel better and back to normal you will be in a much better position to make that decision.

pheasant tail

Well OP i know exactly how you feel with all the above,,been there/am there!

I tried giving up the drink to give medication a go there 2 years ago,lasted 9 months and in all that time the depression and not drinkin led me to be so isolated that it totally backfired with no benefit from the medication. Like you nearly all the real bad stuff thats happened me or ive done to meself was drink related,when you feel like that it will just make you so impulsive,anything could happen!

I know people said give up the drink,i know i wont even though its a massive problem it kinda keeps me going and something to do to get me out of the bed! Last week the doctor prescribed me camprol, (think thats the spelling),its for alcohol cravings,im going to start it this week and hopefully help me at least cut down,that would be my advice for you,its suppose to be very good for a lot of people, best a luck..:)

saa

You were taken out of the situation you were in, you were kept in hospital, you're going to your doctor about your prescription and that is all fine but did you have anyone who is trained and could to listen to what you're dealing with at the moment, this must very overwhelming.

And it sounds like the idea of restriction is making you crawl up the walls even more than the idea of drinking and worrying about not being able to control because if thats your coping mechanism but cravings pass but maybe talking to someone would give you the tools to develop a new coping mechanism (sorry for the jargon I know its cheesy and I was repelled by it for many years).
I understand you are not as worried about the depression but people who can talk to you about depression can be very good for helping with the emotional cravings for drink, you are trying to soothe yourself because this week has been so difficult for you, while waiting for these feelings to pass what else can you do that will not be destructive and make you feel in anyway better.

James W

It's unfortunate, in my view, that you were only kept in hospital for such a short period of time. It's typical of the attitude within the Irish health service to mental health and addiction issues. It sounds as if you are in self destruct mode and have been left to your own devices.

The first thing that you need to do is determine the most likely CAUSE of your depression rather than the symptoms. Is alcohol the likely cause or are you using it to treat the symptoms? If so, you will simply replace drink with something else. Eitherway, if you're on medication for depression, you should not be drinking, full stop, end of story - but you know this! Also, alcohol features in a large portion of suicides - it completely distorts thinking and perspective, which is already distorted.

A great deal of depression and addiction is the symptom of an underlying emotional issue or need which has been blocked out and undealt with - generally originating from childhood. This prevents a person from loving and valuing themselves as fully as they should. Children, unlike adults, can often only cope with trauma by blocking it out - it's the only way they can survive. Unfortunately the trauma and its psychological impact do not disappear. An emotion that is not given a voice will cause problems - depression and pain are the body's way of telling us that there is something wrong. People are experts at supression, delusion and illusion - in the absence of a sudden breakthrough, it can take hours of therapy to overcome this. Depending on its severity it may only be safe to deal with this little by little.

You cannot carry on as you are or have been - this is obvious and something you need to accept. You need to make a determined decision and effort to get good professional help, irrespective of the financial cost, and then stick with it.

There won't be an overnight solution and you MUST remember that you can only fix one problem at a time. You need, firstly, to clarify what the issues are and then work towards solutions. You will have to do the work - which will be confusing and painful - but you CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, do this by yourself.

I wish you well.

James W

pheasant tail wrote: »

Well OP i know exactly how you feel with all the above,,been there/am there!

I tried giving up the drink to give medication a go there 2 years ago,lasted 9 months and in all that time the depression and not drinkin led me to be so isolated that it totally backfired with no benefit from the medication. Like you nearly all the real bad stuff thats happened me or ive done to meself was drink related,when you feel like that it will just make you so impulsive,anything could happen!

I know people said give up the drink,i know i wont even though its a massive problem it kinda keeps me going and something to do to get me out of the bed! Last week the doctor prescribed me camprol, (think thats the spelling),its for alcohol cravings,im going to start it this week and hopefully help me at least cut down,that would be my advice for you,its suppose to be very good for a lot of people, best a luck..:)

Again, you're focussing on the symtoms and not the cause. You are drinking for a reason - either you're an alcoholic or you're using alcohol and pills to kill the pain and avoid the sharp end of reality. Eitherway, YOU are making a balls of YOUR life, with the aid of alchohol and pills, and you seem contented enough with this predicament - based on what you write. As for recommending pills - bad, bad advice.

James W

Julie London wrote: »

Many alcoholics suffer from depression. When they quit drinking the depression can lift. It cannot be a coincidence. Alcohol is a drug like any other. And if your susceptible, drugs can cause depression.

Yes, but many people who suffer from depression or have emotional issues drink to excess - it's a sedative and provides a temporary escape from the underlying pain and loneliness. Of course alcohol, in turn, exacerbates depression and makes it even worse. It's a vicious circle which requires professional theraputic intervention to break.

There are those who will never break the cycle - it's easier to ascribe the blame for not taking responsibility for their life to 'the drink' or 'the depression'. They become identified with, and dependent on, these tags - it becomes part of who they are and ensures the misplaced sympathy of others.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all your responses. I know it might seem silly but someone out there taking the time to write some words of support and advice is so kind and means a lot.

I can't respond to each reply individually but I feel after ye have all been kind and generous enough with your time to respond to me that I wanted to give you all an update and hopefully address as many of the questions ye have posed to me as possible.

I haven't drank - and tbh it hasn't been bad. That night I was experiencing anxiety - it feels like a hole in my stomach and as some people eat to fill that hole I guess I had gotten used to having a few beers in the weeks prior to my "bad" night.

It's funny because I only started drinking beer in the last few. Before then I preferred vodka on a night out or some other spirit. So I would never drink unless I was in a social situation. Never at home like to unwind. Beer seemed innocent to drink during the week... More acceptable or something. That's not why I started drinking beer though I stress.

I have been on medication for many years. I've been seeing a counsellor once a week for years as well so thankfully I do have someone I can talk to who I don't have to hide the darker side of things from.

I do suffer from anxiety as well. Some of you queried if I know why I'm depressed and whether it may stem from alcohol abuse. It isn't related to alcohol abuse. I think since Christmas I had been self medicating using drink to make my anxiety more subdued at night (which is when it strikes most strongly because of anxiety of the day coming the day after). My self medicating with alcohol so is a very recent development.

My depression stems from (well this is my understanding from years of counselling) is my high expectations of myself and my desire (well need really) to take care of people. I am ridiculously sensitive to other's emotions. If someone is in trouble at work 9/10 I get more stressed out then the person who actually should be worried ie. the person responsible. I want to fix things for them and relieve them of their stress. My counsellor says this is because deep down I wish people would do the same for me. Yet if someone offers to help me I say no thanks even if I need it because I don't want to give people trouble or put them out in any way.

I don't like myself. Even when I was top of my class, chased by gorgeous guys, achieving wonderful things I felt like it was down to luck and I was an imposter ready to be caught at any moment. I have friends but I struggle to make new ones as I don't think anyone would want me as one. Putting myself out there is scary for me. My friends and acquaintances describe me as bubbly and chatty and kind. But when I'm down they rarely know because I'm good at putting up a front - I don't like to expose them to me when I'm down. It's not fair on them so when it gets too much I simply pull back blaming deadlines.

I feel a lot better now then I did. I'm still not back to my old self - I missed seeing my friends at the weekend but I was too anxious to go out on the tiles not drinking so I spent the whole weekend indoors. I'm scared going back to work tomorrow as I work with customers all day long and I know putting up my smiley chatty front is going to be draining. I've a lot of paperwork to catch up on no doubt so it's going to be hard getting work back in order.

Work is going to be more stressful than usual anyway because of a huge development in the works. It's a huge opportunity for me and if I succeed it means a better life. It's not something that would mean much to many people but its a goal I'm desperate to achieve to prove to myself that my failing days are over. I'm doubling my counselling sessions to twice a week for the foreseeable future.

pheasant tail

James W wrote: »

Again, you're focussing on the symtoms and not the cause. You are drinking for a reason - either you're an alcoholic or you're using alcohol and pills to kill the pain and avoid the sharp end of reality. Eitherway, YOU are making a balls of YOUR life, with the aid of alcohol and pills, and you seem contented enough with this predicament - based on what you write. As for recommending pills - bad, bad advice.

The OP used the heading 'craving alcohol' and also said somewhere that depression isint her main problem,it is the craving alcohol,i responded and give my opinion,i no what your saying about an underlying problem but i focused more so on what she asked i think anyway,but i dont know where you get off telling me im ruining my life!

And about the pills well whatever,thats what my doctor give me,there not addictive or nothing bad,havent even started them yet,id be the same as the OP in terms of cant imagine not drinking again and want to be like everyone else,with problems of depression etc drinking complicates them very much but i dont want to give it up and im hoping some things im working on (like taking something for the craving) will help me control my drinking to a level that i may be able to drink without too many problems!!

James W

cravingdrink wrote: »

Thank you for all your responses. I know it might seem silly but someone out there taking the time to write some words of support and advice is so kind and means a lot.

I can't respond to each reply individually but I feel after ye have all been kind and generous enough with your time to respond to me that I wanted to give you all an update and hopefully address as many of the questions ye have posed to me as possible.

I haven't drank - and tbh it hasn't been bad. That night I was experiencing anxiety - it feels like a hole in my stomach and as some people eat to fill that hole I guess I had gotten used to having a few beers in the weeks prior to my "bad" night.

It's funny because I only started drinking beer in the last few. Before then I preferred vodka on a night out or some other spirit. So I would never drink unless I was in a social situation. Never at home like to unwind. Beer seemed innocent to drink during the week... More acceptable or something. That's not why I started drinking beer though I stress.

I have been on medication for many years. I've been seeing a counsellor once a week for years as well so thankfully I do have someone I can talk to who I don't have to hide the darker side of things from.

I do suffer from anxiety as well. Some of you queried if I know why I'm depressed and whether it may stem from alcohol abuse. It isn't related to alcohol abuse. I think since Christmas I had been self medicating using drink to make my anxiety more subdued at night (which is when it strikes most strongly because of anxiety of the day coming the day after). My self medicating with alcohol so is a very recent development.

My depression stems from (well this is my understanding from years of counselling) is my high expectations of myself and my desire (well need really) to take care of people. I am ridiculously sensitive to other's emotions. If someone is in trouble at work 9/10 I get more stressed out then the person who actually should be worried ie. the person responsible. I want to fix things for them and relieve them of their stress. My counsellor says this is because deep down I wish people would do the same for me. Yet if someone offers to help me I say no thanks even if I need it because I don't want to give people trouble or put them out in any way.

I don't like myself. Even when I was top of my class, chased by gorgeous guys, achieving wonderful things I felt like it was down to luck and I was an imposter ready to be caught at any moment. I have friends but I struggle to make new ones as I don't think anyone would want me as one. Putting myself out there is scary for me. My friends and acquaintances describe me as bubbly and chatty and kind. But when I'm down they rarely know because I'm good at putting up a front - I don't like to expose them to me when I'm down. It's not fair on them so when it gets too much I simply pull back blaming deadlines.

I feel a lot better now then I did. I'm still not back to my old self - I missed seeing my friends at the weekend but I was too anxious to go out on the tiles not drinking so I spent the whole weekend indoors. I'm scared going back to work tomorrow as I work with customers all day long and I know putting up my smiley chatty front is going to be draining. I've a lot of paperwork to catch up on no doubt so it's going to be hard getting work back in order.

Work is going to be more stressful than usual anyway because of a huge development in the works. It's a huge opportunity for me and if I succeed it means a better life. It's not something that would mean much to many people but its a goal I'm desperate to achieve to prove to myself that my failing days are over. I'm doubling my counselling sessions to twice a week for the foreseeable future.

You're "back" from where? You should read what you've written and keep reading it, over and over, until you see what's going on.

Having a drink to ease anxiety is NOT the same as contemplating suicide and ending up in hospital.

You can spend the remainder of your life in counselling but until you decide to see reality instead of what you want to see, you're wasting your time and your money. Sorry if that sounds harsh - but there is no point in saying what you want to hear as distinct from what is true.

rotti oRiley

Hi,
May I suggest you look at the side effects of your meds. There are issues with alcohol cravings with certain medications. Some are known to increase thoughts of suicide, self harm and indeed alcohol craving. I'm sure I can't list product names here so maybe just read the insert leaflet that comes with your meds.
I recently reduced an anti depressant as it gace me anxiety and panic attacks, go figure, I never had either of them before. But as I am in the pharmacutical field, (not a nurse/dr,btw, so please discuss with your counsellor/gp before any changes)
I am unfortunate enough to identify only too well with your situation.

As regards the craving now, if you crave it all, then don't drink. It'll compound the problems that you are struggling to deal with.