So confused - is this relationship over?

LegacyUser

My long term boyfriend and I used to have a great relationship. We moved abroad a year ago and it really hasn't turned out the way we planned. My bf got a minimum wage job to keep him ticking over until he found something more permanent and he hasn't looked/tried to get another job since.

He hasn't made any friends and he refuses to mingle with anyone from work as they are all foreign and barely speak english. He won't join any groups or do any sports - I don't know how he's doing it because he has no friends, he's so isolated. He's never lived away from home like this before and he's really shut down. I don't know how he's managed it but he literally does not speak to anyone, he has a phone but no contacts in it. I feel so sad for him because he used to be such a fun vivacious person.

I on the other hand am really enjoying myself. I got a good well paid job and made lots of friends and go out with them regularly. I try to pay for us both to have treats but that makes my bf feel bad that he doesn't have enough money so we fight a lot about money. He never has any. He insists on us splitting the bills but that means he has very little disposable income left over so we can't really do anything, we can't explore the new country or go on little trips. We're just existing. I wouldn't mind if we were doing this because he was in a job he loved but he has no interest in the job, he just does it to keep us ticking over.

He says all the time that he misses home. It's like being with me has changed him for the worse. When I met him he was outgoing and sociable and fun, loads of friends, but he's totally different now. No confidence, no friends, never goes out and never has any money.

He's a good person and I love him. But i'm feeling really stifled. I feel my attraction for him fading, and I'm starting to notice other fun, happy guys with full lives and then I go home to my bf and he's like a black hole. I hate myself for even saying that but I feel it's better to just vent this than losing it and telling him I want to leave him.

Please help me. What can we do? I feel like if this goes on any longer I am going to be so frustrated and resentful that the love I have for him will be just gone.

Miss_yap_yap

I think that your boyfriend should at least try to get friendly with someone. Its seems that you feel way too guilty for embracing this new life. I really dont think you should have to feel guilty. It was his choice to move away. You need to say something to him about this as it will only be drawn out and end badly. I mean say to him that you notice that he is not the same person and the question of breaking up for the better. Maybe you need to let him go home. If he is not willing to try and embrace to a new life, its going to be hard on your relationship. Sorry that I sound so tough, but he seems to be too home sick.

trio

He wants to go home. He's likely just staying for you.

It's been a year, and if he hasn't settled by now.....Tell him kindly that you don't want him to destroy himself for you. He should go home, regardless of the economic situation. Having a job or not plainly isn't enough at all for his happiness, and sadly, its equally plain that you alone aren't enough for his happiness. He's too homesick.