I need to undo the reputation my destructive life has caused.

LegacyUser

Ok so Im a guy, mid 20s and I have a problem.

All through secondary school I was quiet enough guy who had only been with 1 girl. I went to college and decided to change all that. So during college I was out every night of the week doing whatever I could get my hands on in terms of drink, drugs and women, had no standards at all and would sleep with women I wasnt even attracted to. I used to be out taking pills, snorting coke or just smoking weed almost every night of the week. Somehow I got through college and Im now working my way up the career ladder. Im not bad looking and I have an alright job, live with friends in an apartment and I would consider myself a nice guy to be around as I have a lot of friends and no problem socialising. The problem comes into it when I get talking to women, I can chat them up and get a phone number or a ONS but a lot of times Im hitting a brick wall and my lifestyle is to blame.

I still enjoy drinking a lot and would go out 2-3 nights a week, the drug use has mostly dissapeared except for smoking weed on the weekends. I still smoke about 10 cigarettes a day but im casually bringing that down. The problem starts when Im texting a girl and she either finds out about my past lifestyle and things i did in college (small country and I made a name for myself there) or my current life that I wouldnt consider full of excess but some would. I havent had a girlfriend since secondary school and everything since then has been ONS situations. When the topic comes up and I choose not to lie then I get strange replies or sometimes contact just shut off alltogether.

Some of my friends are getting married and most are in long term relationships. I still enjoy socialising, but on the women front Id just like to get something steady going and leave my 'player' past behind. How can I get women to overlook my past and not just label me as a 'player' or look at me with disgust.

Miss_yap_yap

Well if I was you, I would just say that you had the odd few girlfriends but nothing long term. Dont tell them everything. I have been told without asking from guys I've dating, the amount of women they have shagged. And its always 30,60 +. It does turn me off a bit. Just because you haven't had a girlfriend in a while,doesnt mean anything. I know people who always have a partner and are NEVER single. It does not make them any less of a 'player'.
Dont be so honest. Dont be so hard on yourself. Its your past so embrace it. You seem like fun so show that side when your texting.

Miss Fluff

LifeFixNeeded wrote: »

When the topic comes up and I choose not to lie then I get strange replies or sometimes contact just shut off alltogether.

Eh TMI? If you have a clean bill of sexual health then you really don't need to go into the minutae of how many women you've had ONS's with really now do you? I personally would find it very offputting if a bloke had shagged a. tonnes of women and b. never managed to find himself in any semblance of a committed relationship. You're your own PR machine so if you're painting it like that then it's no wonder women are running a mile. Be vague, say there were a few but nothing serious and work on projecting yourself in a positive light.

ButterflyABC

Miss Fluff wrote: »

LifeFixNeeded wrote: »

When the topic comes up and I choose not to lie then I get strange replies or sometimes contact just shut off alltogether.

Eh TMI? If you have a clean bill of sexual health then you really don't need to go into the minutae of how many women you've had ONS's with really now do you? I personally would find it very offputting if a bloke had shagged a. tonnes of women and b. never managed to find himself in any semblance of a committed relationship. You're your own PR machine so if you're painting it like that then it's no wonder women are running a mile. Be vague, say there were a few but nothing serious and work on projecting yourself in a positive light.

I agree TMI!!! As miss fluff said so long as you don't have any sti's there is no need to give that much information. Nobody wants to hear that!

Ickle Magoo

You choose not to lie? You choose to tell women something along the line of

was out every night of the week doing whatever I could get my hands on in terms of drink, drugs and women, had no standards at all and would sleep with women I wasnt even attracted to

And you wonder why they aren't coming back for more? Seriously OP - I think you are being your own worst enemy here. If you are not using these women then why put the idea in their head that you are anything other than a genuine guy looking for love? Just shrug off any gossip about your past.

I think if you are still carrying on a little bit of the lifestyle in terms of drink or drugs then you tell someone of your past then you run the risk of them thinking you are doing a little of everything as you once did - including the sex with anything. There is no harm in being more general and coy about your past, at least until they get to know you and are more accepting that you really have passed that stage.

All the best. :cool:

Mighty_Mouse

You're 20's lifestyle sounds perfectly normal to me.
You're not unique or a terrible party boy beyond redemption.
Maybe in someway you like the alure of describing yourself as tainted or a former bad-boy?
"I once was a rebel you know"...........

Regardless of the reason you're hung up on previously having a party lifestyle.
The past is the past. If you behave more conservatively now its because you've been there & done that. Again, nothing new in terms of personal development.
Advise-wise; you don't have to spill your guts to every girl you meet about your deep dark past. Fact is; most girls did exactly the same.