Porn VS creeping on my facebook friends

LegacyUser

Hello All,

Just looking for some opinions on this not sure if this is the right place but I don't want it to descend into after hours madness.

I was using my long-term boyfriend's computer the other day to look at my facebook and I noticed that a good few of my friends facebook pages had already been viewed on his laptop, all well and good I thought maybe he just wanted to reference who I was talking about as I hadn't seen some of the girls in years due to living in different places etc.



Curiosity got the better of me though and I feel sick with guilt about this but it began to niggle me so I went for a bit of a snoop. I'm ashamed to admit that I've done it breaking trust and the like, I'd compare it to going through text messages which is utter maddness!!


After about five minutes of past history viewing it started to become apparent that he'd replaced viewing porn with good looking girls facebook pages, the pages always came in-between searches for the odd FHM shoot etc. Some girls I knew some girls I didn't know, the viewing always done when I was out of the house.

I had no problem with him looking at hardcore porn but this is a bit too close to home for me given the fact that I know some of the girls in question. I'm not going to bring it up or anything as I shouldn't even know that its occurring.

I just want to know is this a common practice? He did mention he had gone off porn a while back.

Forgetting the guilt for snooping! Am I only feeling bad as I have low self esteem or what?

I never gave a crap about porn but this just makes me feel unsettled and a bit insulted, especially as we only have sex about once a week now compared to earlier in the relationship but we've been going out for so long I've heard this is quite normal. He's still as affectionate as ever etc. He knew I was using his laptop so I'm assuming he knew that I might spot this?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm going unreg for the reply here for obvious reasons

I don't know how common it is but I definitely have used Facebook photo's for "self amusement" I honestly don't think it's anything to be to worried about. It's
Just something that gets him off since he has gone off porn. I guess you should just clear your history before you use the computer and forget about it.

CorkonianRebel

I shouldn't have looked wrote: »

I just want to know is this a common practice?

As a guy, I would never do this and have never heard of anyone doing this.Maybe its just me though!

It does seem a little strange but there might be an innocent explanation.Maybe your friends reminded him of models and he was comparing them but it does seem a little suspect.It sounds like he wants a bit of 'realism' in his porn as in looking at real pictures of women that he may know such as your friends and other people on facebook.They might seem a little 'closer to home' to him.

For me it is crossing a line and its a definite no-no to be looking at your friends or acquaintances that way.He might not have thought that you would look through his history on his laptop so I would hope that it was all just fantasy for him but I do think its a wrong thing to be doing.I wouldn't read too nuch into it either but I can see why you might feel a bit bad.

I would say to have a chat with him about him "looking at facebook a lot" and see where it takes you.He might have been just simply looking for a thrill and took a wrong turn because it sounds like you both still have a good relationship which is the most important thing.Its best to try and get this issue out of the way before it festers and ends up really bothering you.So have a chat and just say whats with all the facebook page looks.

I would hope if he realises that it bothers you, he would stop it and look at porn as you don't mind that.From the sounds of it, ye both are still affectionate and loving so it doesn't sound like he really wants these women.Maybe he doesn't realise how much it unnerves you and thinks its a harmless thrill.If I was doing something that bothered my partner I would rather know about it as soon as possible so I could change it especially if I did'nt realise how much it was bothering her!

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Its the op here.

The thing is I only get annoyed about it when he's not around. When he walks in the door after I've been thinking about it I can't imagine the man in front of me with the beaming smile doing anything that he knew would hurt me and I laugh to myself that I'd rather he watch the filthiest stuff that California can produce rather than flicking through a girls graduation snaps till he comes to a nice picture of her.

I don't think I could bring it up with him all the same. I might mention something vague in passing and see how I get on.

Corkionianrebel I know you can't read another man's thoughts or explain anyone else's actions but is there a reason why men would go looking for realism? Your post was quite helpful by the way.

Da Shins Kelly

To be honest, it sounds a little strange. As the above poster said, maybe he likes some realism in porn and the fact that these are girls he could feasibly have sex with (not saying that he would) appeals to him. That said, if it was me, I'd probably be a little peeved. Regardless of whatever porn he's into, those are still your friends/people you are familiar with, and it is very close to home. I think you'll probably have to say something if it's making you worried.

MagicSean

Are you sure he was doing ot for sexual gratification? I know lots of people, men and women, that go facebook perving just out of curiosity and for light amusement.

baby and crumble

TBH op, i doubt that he's looking for the purposes you think. If he has a couple of tabs open on his browser, they all come up in history jumbled up- so he could easily have had fb open in a tab in the background, while doing stuff (a la FHM) in another tab. It would look like he went directly from one to the other but he probably didn't.

LovelyLottie

As MagicSean said, can you be 100% sure that he was doing it for sexual gratification purposes?? I don't know how you could be sure of that (but maybe you are).

I wouldn't normally be quick to run to a guy's defence where porn viewing is concerned (!) but i think you might have jumped to some conclusions here. If there is a way of knowing definitely that he was doing this instead of porn, then ok, i'd be upset too.

But he could easily just be noseying around people's profiles on facebook, the way most people do.

Missy Moo Moo

To be honest OP I can't see what good could come out of bringing this up- "I was having a look through your Internet history and I think you may be jerking off to hot girls I know on facebook". He'll say no, you'll feel embarrassed as you've no evidence he's using the photos for his own gratification. As someone pointed out, historys can be jumbled up and honestly I think you'll come across as mad for asking. It's most likely he's just being nosey.

It's my belief you're letting your imagination run away with yourself on this one. He's most likely being nosey as we all can be when it comes to facebook . Don't bring it up as I have a feeling the conversation will end up making you feel worse

Best of luck OP

chickenbutt

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'd tell him what you saw. Would he like to know you are looking at all his good-looking friends?

From the sounds of it, you are not going to forget what you saw, so ask him.

I'd be incredibly hurt, truth be told.

This!! If I was in your position, I would definitely bring it up. If you don't, it's just going to eat away at you and make you feel worse. If I found out my boyfriend was perving on my girlfriends' pages I would be incredibly hurt and upset with him.

Just throwing this out there - why did he go off porn? and if he is using these photos for what you think, why not just say you'd rather him watch porn instead of facebook?

There is no emotion attached to porn (at least for me) and I have no problem with myself or my boyfriend watching it. Personal photos of people I know on the other hand - not okay.

Overheal

Sounds like completely normal behavior, that long predates the internet. Guys have fantasies about the girl next door, the girl in the sandwich shop, the girl in your economics class, etc. ; that the internet has replaced a colorful imagination with JPEGs is neither here nor there.

It really wouldn't matter if facebook existed or not. This has been going on for unrecorded spans of time. I bet you will find some kind of mention of it in the Ten Commandments or the Code of Hammurabi.

Rosy Posy

I shouldn't have looked wrote: »

I just want to know is this a common practice?

some of my male friends have a running joke about this, which makes me think it must be fairly common

I shouldn't have looked wrote: »

we only have sex about once a week now compared to earlier in the relationship but we've been going out for so long I've heard this is quite normal.

how long have you been going out? do you have long term aspirations of marriage and kids? I just ask because once you have kids your sex life/frequency suffers and if you're down to weekly sessions now, you might be looking at a bigger drought in the future. My advice to you would be to put a bit of effort into the quality and quantity of the sex that you're having now (while you can!!) and you might find that your bf's porn/perving tendancies might give way to a more fulfilling sex life for you both...best of luck!

Janet1986

Hi Op has he downloaded any of the pics?

Maybe you should look at a few good looking males profiles and leave it
In the history for him to see. See will he say anything

LegacyUser

Missy Moo Moo wrote: »

To be honest OP I can't see what good could come out of bringing this up- "I was having a look through your Internet history and I think you may be jerking off to hot girls I know on facebook". He'll say no, you'll feel embarrassed as you've no evidence he's using the photos for his own gratification. As someone pointed out, historys can be jumbled up and honestly I think you'll come across as mad for asking. It's most likely he's just being nosey.

It's my belief you're letting your imagination run away with yourself on this one. He's most likely being nosey as we all can be when it comes to facebook . Don't bring it up as I have a feeling the conversation will end up making you feel worse

Best of luck OP

Hey OP here again.

That's exactly the reason why I don't want to bring it up. I'd sound completely mental!

Pretty sure I'm just going to leave it and never look again, hopefully its all innocent!

The sex life is sparse at the moment due to time and tiredness constraints mainly, new jobs etc I'd say marriage is on the cards but it will be a childless one so I've no worries in that regard.

Thanks for the replies my wandering mind is back to reality again!!

lace

Hi OP!!

As other posters have pointed out - internet search history can be mixed up when you've been using a few different tabs. I know that I have often ended up with five or six friends of friends' Facebook profiles open in different tabs while I'm shopping on ASOS or checking my bank account. Just because these pages were showing up in searches for FHM models, doesn't mean the two are even remotely connected.

He's already been very honest with you about his own private sexual habits and has told you that he's not been gaining much enjoyment from porn recently. It sounds as though you two have a pretty good relationship with lots of communication so if you feel that this is something you absolutely can't ignore then you should talk to him about your insecurities and ask him to clear it up. You will have to come clean about looking through his history, however, and be prepared for the possibility that it may make him feel hurt and possibly paranoid in the future.