Is he for real?

LegacyUser

I'm very much a follower on thread and find the advice given by people to be a real benefit to the OP. I hope I can get some with this little scenario.

I'll try and keep this as short as I can.
Met this guy back in May at a work do. He had given me the chat that night, nothing else just banter and looked he asked to exchange numbers.
He texted the next day and asked if he could take me out to which I agreed. So we hit it of right from the start, he seemed to be everything I could possibly want in a man and I was seemingly everything that he could ever ask for also. Anyway over time I met his parents and family and he met mine. It all seemed to be going so well. Unfortunatley I had heard along the way some things that he was a bit of a ladies man and to be careful but I chose not to dwell on it as everything was brilliant between us. We were making plans for Xmas and holidays and so on. I might just add in here that he always was the one that was pushing to make plans and talk about the future and so on.

Anyway, one day he happened so leave his phone in my car and I drove of with it.
Much to my horror a message popped up ( preview on the Iphone) from a girl saying, "Wot about you today Mr?" smily faces and x's at the end. This hit a nerve with me straight away as I had experience with a rogue Ex before and him texting other girls.
Maybe I should not have done this but I picked up his phone and read texts in his inbox. All from this girl, and he was giving her plenty of chat back also. I was Livid, drove to his house and asked him to explain. He told me it was nothing, only a bit of fun and I had nothing to worry about. I was very angry and told him I never wanted to see anything like that again on his phone.
Fast forward 2 weeks, - He's acting weird all of a sudden - Asked for space, he's a bit messed up etc etc so I said ok but keep me in the loop if it wasnt too much to ask.
Didnt hear from him in a week. I contacted and asked what the story was and he said he was ok, just had a lot on his plate. He was going to come see me that evening and we were going to be fine. He loves me, misses me.
He never showed!! Didn't answer my txts or didnt answer my calls. 1 week later - Facebook says he's now in a relationship with ..wait for it... the girl I had caught him texting. So I sent him a message and said to never come near me or darken my door EVER again and even though I was devasted I drew a line and said I was better of away.

6 weeks later - He's made a terrible mistake, he still loves me, he wants me back, he never stopped thinking about me the whole time. He just freaked out.
He says I'm the girl for him, no1 else and to give him a chance and let him prove it.

Do I give him a chance or just let this one go?

Beruthiel

Only you can decide that one OP.

Personally, if that were me, I'd be of the mind, he had his chance and blew it.

tinkerbell

OP, you're better off without him. You were in a relationship, he says he needs a bit of space and then broadcasts to everyone on facebook that he's in a relationship with another girl!

He had his chance, he blew it. He was prob cheating on you long before you caught him. Don't go back to him.

daisybelle2008

LaneyLouise wrote: »

He told me it was nothing, only a bit of fun and I had nothing to worry about.
He's acting weird all of a sudden - Asked for space, he's a bit messed up etc etc so I said ok but keep me in the loop if it wasnt too much to ask.
He was going to come see me that evening and we were going to be fine.

He never showed!! Didn't answer my txts or didnt answer my calls. 1 week later - Facebook says he's now in a relationship with ..wait for it... the girl I had caught him texting.
Do I give him a chance or just let this one go?

He lied when he told you it was nothing, 'only a bit of fun', he lied when he told you everything was fine and he was coming over. He ignored you and you found out your relationship was over when he updated his facebook status to say he was in a relationship with 'only a bit of fun'.

Seriously, if you cannot tell that this is a bad idea then you really should forget about men for a while and work on your self-esteem. When the thought of going out with someone like him totally repulses you then you might be ready for a relationship.

Why would you want to go out with someone who actively lies to you and ignores you?

Jesus for me it would have ended with him still trying to extract his iPhone from his colon after the first incident.

Drama and misery awaits you with this cretin.

Forever Hopeful

Op, if this was happening to a close friend of yours what would you advise?
I know it's hard when feelings are involved but this guy behaved terribly and I don't think you would be happy being someone's Miss Right for now.
Something similar happened to me. He was a ladies man, full on etc. My gut was telling me something was not right. It wasn't... I walked away and saved myself a lot of agony.
Guys like this are always looking for someone else. They are addicted to the attention and chase. You deserve someone who only has eyes for you! Best of luck

curlzy

Give the cheating commitment-phobe a second chance??? Second chance to what OP? A second chance to rip your heart out and broadcast it on Facebook? Or second chance to leave you guessing? A second chance to act like a scumbag and treat you like an eejit? Hhhhmmm well if it was me then no he'd already have been deleted, but maybe you should give him a second chance to threat you like dogsh*t if you like that kind of thing :rolleyes:.

Wake up OP, you're smarter than that.

ApeXaviour

Beruthiel wrote: »

he had his chance and blew it.

While my sentiment would be tangential, I would more say he's demonstrated that he will not satisfy your needs for a certain amount of security within a relationship.

Not only that but he's also demonstrated his complete incapability for honesty and aboveboard communication.

His going off with another girl and coming back is one thing, it's understandable on some level, and people can change their mind. His consistent betrayal throughout however means he's lost any implicit trust you may have had from him. How could you possibly trust him again? It would take years to rebuild that, and I don't think the gruelling process would even be worth it.

Miss Fluff

LaneyLouise wrote: »

Do I give him a chance or just let this one go?

If you give a second chance you're very clearly telling the little toad that being cheated on and publicly humiliated is fine. If you do that he will then see it as ok to do that again when he fancies another bit on the side. Tell him to take a running jump and leave you alone, he sounds like a twat.

silly

If he had broke up with you like a proper man, then I would consider very carefully about taking him back.
But the way he broke up with you, or didn't break up with you, as the case may be, was the most horrible disrespectful thing anyone could do.
If you have respect for yourself tell him to take a long jump....

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replys everyone, It seems to me that I'm on the same page as everyone else. I really do think that my trust has disappeared, it took a while to build myself up again after what he did before but I dont want to put myself back in a position where I get tramped on again. The worst part of it was that this one that he had a fling with is known for her reputation..aka "being around" and it sickens me to think that he actually thought more of her than to have the manners to let me know what was going on. I'm quite a shy person in ways so maybe this bit of stuff was more exciting for a while or something!!
I just find it very hard to accept that he thought so little of me to do what he did knowing exactly how upset I was and how I sat waiting nights on end for him to come and see me and never turned up.

Ugh!!! I think my head needs to rule my heart on this occasion, I know Im a soft touch at times but I refuse to be an option to fall back on.

Again many thanks for your replys guys, very much appreciated!!!

MagicSean

He not only deceived you and betrayed you, he did it in a very humiliating way with absolutely no regard to your feelings. I've heard of breaking up by text but what he did is outrageous. Delete his number, block it if you can, and forget about him. How could you ever trust him again?

daisybelle2008

LaneyLouise wrote: »

this one that he had a fling with is known for her reputation..aka "being around" and it sickens me to think that he actually thought more of her than to have the manners to let me know what was going on. I'm quite a shy person in ways so maybe this bit of stuff was more exciting for a while or something!!
I just find it very hard to accept that he thought so little of me to do what he did knowing exactly how upset I was and how I sat waiting nights on end for him to come and see me and never turned up.

Ok, bitching about this girl's 'reputation' while a minute ago considering taking him back is not cool. Leave her out of this and stop putting yourself in some kind of mental competition for being more exciting for his attention.

Your value system is a bit off. He is the lying cheating fool who doesn't deserve a decent girlfriend.

She did you a favour taking him off your hands, unfortunately she has cast him back unto the single market and you are debating if it is a good idea to get back with him??

Consider yourself having a very lucky escape and don't waste a minute of time wondering why.

beks101

This one is a no-brainer OP and I think the real question here is what exactly in you is making you even consider accepting someone who cheated, betrayed and humiliated you back into your life?

So he disappears off the radar despite being in a relationship with you, only to emerge on facebook in a relationship with someone else? That's not normal behaviour OP. It's not even 'ladies man' behaviour - it's 'completely selfish and self-obsessed prat' territory, not to mention borderline sociopathic. What's to stop him from picking you up and dropping you when a 'better option' comes along again?

Sorry that you met such an utter pr1ck like this OP, but you're going to have to learn to recognise the guys that aren't good for you and don't deserve a second chance if this sort of behaviour emerges again in the future in your love life.

I am a friend

LaneyLouise wrote: »

Do I give him a chance or just let this one go?

Run for the hills. He has been grooming her behind your back and lying to your face. How do you know she hasnt dumped him. He doesnt seem capable of being on his own to figure out his [EMAIL="cr@p"]cr@p[/EMAIL] so why are you goign to be his fallback? Move on.. He is a player...

LovelyLottie

I 100% agree with everyone above who says forget him.

If he can do this once, he can do it again. Just because someone says they want you back, doesn't mean you should get back with them. If you do, he'll know that he can get around you with a bit of sweet talk. Unfortunately, you can't trust him. So what's the point?

Best of luck.

Killed By Death

LaneyLouise wrote: »

6 weeks later - He's made a terrible mistake, he still loves me, he wants me back, he never stopped thinking about me the whole time. He just freaked out.
He says I'm the girl for him, no1 else and to give him a chance and let him prove it.

Yeah, in other words she dumped him. Don't believe a word of his speil. It's bullshirt. You are the 'fall back' option.

Don't touch him with a barge pole OP or you'll end up back to square one.

Da Shins Kelly

Move on.

samina

A motto to live by .......Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Judes

He lied to you - simple as that. Like the other posters I would say just walk away - infact run................ If he can lie once, he can lie again and again and again. Protect yourself and don't let him back into your life. Stay strong, it will be tough but you can do it!!!

Defiler Of The Coffin

You deserve someone who will treat you with respect. He is not that someone OP.

Saaron

Don't get back with him! Don't waste your time with someone that thinks it's okay to do that to you.