Monday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.

After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long.

But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife..





When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan!

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that fookin wall!"
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At the bus station, there was a fairly long line waiting to get on the bus.

The bus driver unlocked the coach, started up the bus, and motioned for the first in line to board.

The first in line was a very beautiful woman with a great figure.

She had on a very tight sweater and a leather mini-skirt which zipped up in the back.

She started to step up into the bus, but found her skirt was too tight.

She smiled at the driver, then reached around with her arm and unzipped about two inches, thinking that would loosen things up enough so she could get up the steps.

But again, she found that her skirt was still too tight.

So she reached around again and unzipped about two more inches, then took a step up.

But she found that the skirt was still too tight.

The bus driver said, "Look, lady, we've got a schedule to keep.

Hurry up and get on the bus.

She apologized to the driver, and reached around one more time and zipped down two more inches,

but she still could not get enough freedom to get up the steps.

Finally, the second in line, a big Texan, put his hands around her waist,

picked her up, deposited her on the floor of the coach, and smacked her in the butt.

She whirled around and slapped him, and said

"What makes you think you have the right to touch me like that? We don't even know each other!"

The Texan, with a puzzled look on his face, said with a drawl,

"Wal, I kinda thought we knew each other a little better than that.

After all, y'all've unzipped ma' fly three times!"