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Loneliness, single, really messing me up. Help needed.

  • 23-01-2012 6:19am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Look, I'm just going to put this out there and hope someone can help.

    My girlfriend broke up with me several months ago. It was very unexpected.
    I live abroad and for several reason I have no friends. I was happy with her but since we broke up the loneliness is unbarable.

    I come home to my apt every night and the silence is defening. I just can't take it anymore.

    I'm an alright guy, have my life together, good career, all that stuff but I can't make anyone see that. People just are not interested.

    The thought of going out and approaching some strangers or chatting up a girl absolutely terrifies me. I couldn't take the rejection right now.

    My confidence and self image are rock bottom. If I could raise these I think I'd be more willing to try to talk to more people but I just dont know how.

    I've tried online dating. Sending hundreds of mails and getting no replies makes me feel even more like I'm some sort of an ugly weird freak.

    I joined clubs and sports and all that but nobody is there to make friends. I show up, we train or play a game and then all go our seperate ways, thats it.

    This is really causing me problems. The loneliness is killing me and it makes me miss my ex so much. Its meaning I can't get over her. My head is just not right. Im not focusing on work and other things like I used to. I'm just spending every minute freaking out and looking for ways to fix things how they were so I can get back to normal.

    Is there anyone out there that can help or can advise me where I could go to get help or speak to someone or get ANY help in ANY way.

    I'm really at breaking point. If anyone out there can please offer some advice I would be so so so grateful. Please, if there is any way anyone knows to just straighten myself out again, please let me know.


Comments

  • #2
    wylo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,214 ✭✭✭wylo


    If you really are willing to plunge into the depths of your own thoughts and beliefs so as to get better, then I suggest going the philosophical route.
    Google "liberation unleashed", its a site where you question your own sense of self. Its a growing trend. The latest TED talk was about the idea:D

    Even if you choose not to do that, I suggest a few things.

    - Google the crap out of your problems, but dont just read a pretty article, practice whatever it is is being suggested to you.

    - Write down your problems, in hand writing, write them and write them, write down all the outcomes of the problems, write down your beliefs that are causing the problems, write down what you think what is right or wrong in life that is making you think theres something wrong with you. Keep doing this, even if it means you are repeating the same **** every day. Im serious about this, it may seem silly but it acts as a release, it rationalizes them and makes them be seen from an objective normal point of view.

    - start some basic mindfulness meditation,

    - If you see slight improvements, use the momentum, dont stop there and think "Im getting better , I dont have to do anything now", no , keep going

    - As for your girlfriend, Im sorry, but its over, and even if its not, you two getting back together wont solve your problems, they run deeper than missing your girlfriend.

    Best of luck. Remember, this stuff can be solved, but it does require alot of effort and discipline, treat it like a project, try your best not to make it so personal.


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