24 and never been kissed

lineman108

I am 24 and next month i'll be 25 yrs old and i have never been kissed(also still a virgin, but i dont care about that). I didn't start dating until i was 22 because i wanted to focus on setting myself up with a good career. I have always been considered very mature for my age and school and work were always easy for me.

I guess i am more concerned with never having been in a relationship than not having been kissed, since the longest i have seen anyone is 3 dates(1 time) 2 dates(1 time) and 1 date(about 10 times).

I dont know whats wrong with me that i cant seem to find success in my goal of finding a relationship. I am decent looking( out of a room of 50 men i would be chosen 20-30th) intelligent, and am considered one of the nicest guys your ever meet(friends words). I am a perfect gentleman on dates, but i still keep getting the same response of "your a good/great/sweet guy, but im not looking for a relationship right now"

I am starting to lose faith and find myself thinking that maybe i am meant to be alone in life. I cant ask my 2 brothers for advise because they are complete assholes to women and have a new girlfriend weekly/monthly.

Any advise on what i can do to improve my chances or should i just give up and accept the cold hard truth that i will always do great in my job but i will never have someone to share it with?

bfocusd

Just be yourself, it will happen, I try go by the saying, if your looking for something you never find it, but if you going about your day as usual it will appear itself. try and just have fun and there will be sparks along the way with someone.

Overheal

3 dates(1 time) 2 dates(1 time) and 1 date(about 10 times).

You've been on that many dates and never once was there a kiss? That, doesn't even really add up to me. Have you considered that maybe you're missing signals here and that a lot of these women are expecting you to kiss them, and you simply aren't? Or is it a case of knowing the opportunity is there and then getting locked up with hesitation? Either way I find it really odd to go on so many dates (especially 2 and 3 dates with someone) without ever sharing a kiss. What's holding you back?

LovelyLottie

In the past i've been on first / second dates with guys who i would have been quite happy to kiss at the end of the date, but because they were shy or nervous they didn't, and i was thinking 'kiss me for god's sake!!!'.

If a girl meets you more than once, she is open to the possibility of you kissing her. Go gently, and unless you suck the face off her, i think it's safe to say it's ok to kiss her.

On the next first date you go on, at the end lean in and give a nice, short kiss on the lips, not a full-on snog. Then if you want to ask her out again, do, and if she agrees, next time give her a proper kiss at the end of the date.

I'm guessing you might be meeting these girls online? If you are, i can see why you are nervous as if it's a blind date you don't know if they like you etc. If by any chance these are girls you've asked out in the real-world, then you should totally be kissing at the end of a first date.

It's tough for guys because you do have to make the first move a lot of the time. Girls can be nervous to make the first move for many reasons (not all girls obviously) - appearing too forward, scaring him off etc. or maybe they just want the guy to take the lead.

Re your confidence i think you're going to have to 'fake it until you make it' - even if you're terrified inside, try to appear a little more confident and pretend you've done this loads of times before. Sometimes you just have to be brave. A lot of women are attracted to confidence, i know i am.

Next time you go on a date, take a massive chill pill before you go, ask yourself what's the worst that can happen if you kiss her nicely and gently? Worst case scenario, she'll kiss you back but you won't hear from her again. Best case scenario, she'll like it and will go out with you again.

Re not having a relationship - you just haven't met the right person yet. Start kissing them at the end of the date! If a girl is attracted to you, she'll meet you again. And again. You just haven't found that yet, but have faith that with time you will.

The very best of luck to you

Ickle Magoo

When you say "you've never been kissed" that sounds like you are expecting someone to take the lead and kiss you - it could well be that the girls you were on dates with, expected you to take the lead and kiss them. In my experience it's quite unusual for there to be no kiss at all on a date that went well - even if just a quick peck at the end of the night!

Relationships are really a numbers game - there are lots of nice, attractive, fairly successful people about but for most people that isn't enough to consider a relationship worthwhile, they also need there to be a spark or sexual chemistry and finding that is just a matter of meeting and chatting to enough people that you find someone you click with.

Perhaps stop rationalising why women should want to be with you and stop seeing a relationship as a goal you are failing to succeed in - and just spend time making friends with and having fun with women and get more comfortable in their company so you can read the cues and body language better?

All the very best. :cool:

saa

lineman108 wrote: »

Any advise on what i can do to improve my chances or should i just give up and accept the cold hard truth that i will always do great in my job but i will never have someone to share it with?

Well done you have your head screwed on, you have a good job, you're polite and not a bad looking chap.. you may be over thinking this and it may be showing on dates, when you relax, look out for signal, use a bit of letting things flow but also taking initiative to go in for a kiss it will happen.

Might I also add people usually don't ask for a kiss but also don't just kiss someone without permission, you might be saying goodbye or just sitting close (notice if she moves away) just some moment when you're close you can move in closer pause and then try for a kiss if she has seemed interested all night but doesn't want a small peck on the lips after the second date don't blame yourself.

Just remember don't treat dating in the same way you approach you're career as its when you stop thinking about it so much and take away the pressure of getting a kiss then it will probably happen

qwertytlk

I know this may sound cliche, but once you stop actively looking for a girlfriend, or a kiss or whatever, that it will just happen. Well thats jow its mostly always happend for me anuyway. I also agree with other posters on the fact thats its a lttle odd that you went on so many dates but there was never a kiss? The girl paticurally who agreed to go on 10 dates with you was obviously really into you, other wise she wouldnt have kept agreeing to meet you again, so if you dont mind enlightening us on what went wrong there or what the problem was with kissing her on one of then ten dates? Is it that you were too nervous or were you expceting her to make the first move?

lineman108

qwertytlk wrote: »

The girl paticurally who agreed to go on 10 dates with you was obviously really into you, other wise she wouldnt have kept agreeing to meet you again

ok i think you read that wrong....... I have had about 10 people who i have had one date with.

the person who i had 3 dates with(met her at work)...... on the third date i went in for a kiss and at the last second i chickened out and turned it into a hug. after that date she didnt talk to me for about 2 weeks and when she finally did start talking to me again she explained that she just got outta a really long relationship and got scared. i have asked her out a couple of times since than but she keeps saying thanks for the interest but she is taking a break from dating.

The person i had 2 dates(also met at work) with just got out of a really bad(abusive) relationship so i planned on taking it slow and not attempting to kiss her until the 3rd or 4th date. she ended up going back to her abusive ex after the 2nd date though:( .

as for me not kissing on the first date i just dont feel right about it..... i usually just end the date by walking them to their door and hugging them goodnight.

Thanks everyone for your advise i hope it helps me. I was/am just frustrated that on Tuesday i will receive yet another promotion, but dispite my best efforts i will have no one to share it with

lineman108

saa wrote: »

Just remember don't treat dating in the same way you approach you're career as its when you stop thinking about it so much and take away the pressure of getting a kiss then it will probably happen

i think this is my biggest issue because i do tend to treat it like work in that i set a goal and analyze the dates and try to make corrections midway through (even my best friend told me i need to just relax)

neuro-praxis

Also, try not to "act" like a gentleman. Being overly polite (leaping to open doors, pull out chairs) is not as attractive as you might think.

Being kind, having a generous spirit and a relaxed sense of humour, and more than any of this, being confident in who you are, is very attractive.

LovelyLottie

lineman108 wrote: »

ok i think you read that wrong....... I have had about 10 people who i have had one date with.

the person who i had 3 dates with(met her at work)...... on the third date i went in for a kiss and at the last second i chickened out and turned it into a hug. after that date she didnt talk to me for about 2 weeks and when she finally did start talking to me again she explained that she just got outta a really long relationship and got scared. i have asked her out a couple of times since than but she keeps saying thanks for the interest but she is taking a break from dating.

The person i had 2 dates(also met at work) with just got out of a really bad(abusive) relationship so i planned on taking it slow and not attempting to kiss her until the 3rd or 4th date. she ended up going back to her abusive ex after the 2nd date though:( .

as for me not kissing on the first date i just dont feel right about it..... i usually just end the date by walking them to their door and hugging them goodnight.

Thanks everyone for your advise i hope it helps me. I was/am just frustrated that on Tuesday i will receive yet another promotion, but dispite my best efforts i will have no one to share it with

Ok, so these are girls you are meeting in the real world. If they didn't want to go out with you, they wouldn't. And definitely wouldn't go out with you a second time.

I once went out with a guy several times (3 or 4 times) and no kiss. I wanted him to kiss me but it didn't happen. But he kept on asking me out (we were former work colleagues). After the last date, i texted asking what was going on, why wasn't he kissing me? He texted back something nice (can't remember what exactly) and he did try to meet me again. But I had lost interest My friends were telling me he was only looking for a friend or he was gay! Sometimes (maybe a lot of the time) you want a guy to take the lead and just go for it.

Next date you go on, relax and give a nice kiss at the end. You're clearly brave enough to ask girls out in person (fair play to ya! ) so just try to be a little bit more assertive when it comes to the kissing bit. Good luck

solovely

I agree with LovelyLottie (maybe it's a Lovely thing), but if I went on more than one date with a guy and he didn't lean in for the kiss I'd think there was something wrong. In fact, I've only been on two first dates with guys who didn't lean in for the kiss on the first date, and needless to say neither of them got a second date!!

I know you think you're being a gentlemen, but sorry, in this day and age, most girls will take your chivalry as a lack of interest.

Obviously confidence is a big deal here. Also, if you are very attractive to someone and the feeling is mutual, the "Kiss" shouldn't have to be analysed, it should just feel very natural. It sounds like you are concentrating too much on this whole dating "game" and not enjoying it as it should be enjoyed. Think of it as fun and part of life and growing up and discovering yourself

Somebody telling you "to relax", or "be yourself" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" is like telling you not to panic when you're faced with a herd of raging bulls....you can't control these reactions.

But instead just try to make the focus on enjoying yourself, having fun. Make yourself as interesting a person as possible, so you have lots to talk about on dates. Don't talk about work and your promotions (well for more than 10 minutes anyway). Have some fun stories backed up to tel. But most of all....listen!! Girls love to talk (we really do) and be genuinely interested in what she has to say. On date 2, bring up things she mentioned on date 1, remember the names of her friends and family, stuff like that make a big big difference in the early days of dating!

Best of luck!!

Have lots of fun!

Maga

[+1] to whomever said we girls are quite often dying to kiss the guy but for some stupid reason we just sit there waiting and hoping u guys will make the first move.

I know, I know, we should also take the lead, but oh well.

I have to say I really like shy guys but this is a problem, after 2-3 dates I know there's something there, but he won't kiss me, and then I start getting insecure myself wondering whether I'm imagining things and I stop seeing the guy.

So go for it, gently, but go for it.

Oh, and it might be just me, but as much as I think hugs are really sweet, they might throw you right into the friends zone. I would avoid them in this situation.

<mod snip>

Best of luck! xx

Ickle Magoo

As per the forum charter, YouTube links are not permitted on this forum.

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Many thanks.

Maga

Apologies for youtube link, I didn't realise it was not allowed - long time since I read the guidelines.

I hope the link didnt come across as unhelpful or insulting, and apologies if it did - it was a cute scene showing a girl who is totally in love with the guy and hopes he kisses her. It was meant as a cute example of what I was saying, that perhaps the OP receives far more attention and admiration from the girls than he realises.

JoJo_zuikutis

you shouldnt give up just because you've dated a few girls and havent kissed any. clearly you sound like a nice guy who prefers and wants to be in a relationship. but just like youve mentioned your brothers having new girlfriends so often, many girls out there are just like that. i have a friend, whos more of a relationship guy like yourself, he told me how hard it was to find someone who actually wanted to be in a relationship.

i was single, havent kissed or been in a relationship for years. im in a relationship for 7 months now and very happy. it just happened when i least expected it.

its good to focus on your career, but being in a relationship is really rewarding. just keep trying and it'll all work out, you'll see.

snafuk35

I am 24 and next month i'll be 25 yrs old

So what? There are priests and nuns who have never been kissed and they are in their 70s and 80s. There are old people who have been married for years and now are alone have had no sex for years. There was horse owner, a real old timer, on the telly the other day who joked he was having ffing sex tonight! Age doesn't matter! Seriously!

and i have never been kissed(also still a virgin, but i dont care about that).

Nobody is keeping score. Very few people look at a person and say immediately 'virgin' and quite frankly nobody else cares. You don't have sign on you that says 'virgin.' Ok? And besides who is the most worshipped virgin? Jesus! So lots of people think virginity is not something to be ashamed of.

I didn't start dating until i was 22 because i wanted to focus on setting myself up with a good career.

Did you do anything wrong? No. Sensible man for getting a career. Well done.

I have always been considered very mature for my age and school and work were always easy for me.

So should getting a girlfriend or a partner or playing field like Warren Beatty. You need to put proper thought and effort into it. Approach women and get talking, trial and error. After more practise you get better and you eventually figure how to sweet talk. But you will NEVER learn if you do nothing and stand back.

I guess i am more concerned with never having been in a relationship than not having been kissed, since the longest i have seen anyone is 3 dates(1 time) 2 dates(1 time) and 1 date(about 10 times).

So let me get this straight - you went out with 12 women so far? That's good going for a late starter! Well done! So look at what you did and find out at what point you screwed up and go further the next time and the time after that and the time after that. You could actually experiment with 13 other dates and see how far you get with those girls. Lots of women will be only to happy to kiss you. In the process you might actually meet the love of your life.

I dont know whats wrong with me that i cant seem to find success in my goal of finding a relationship.

Maybe you should drop the expectations and just go out with women and just see what happens before you start thinking 'I must be in a relationship.'

I am decent looking( out of a room of 50 men i would be chosen 20-30th) intelligent,

So what? I read about Brad Pitt when he came to LA and the guy was a dork. Looks aren't everything. Lyndon Johnson said that he bedded more women by accident than JFK did on purpose. He was probably joking but then again was he?? He was a lanky jug eared hick from Texas and he apparently was a legend with women. They loved his charm, sensitivity and consideration in such a big macho man.

and am considered one of the nicest guys your ever meet(friends words). I am a perfect gentleman on dates, but i still keep getting the same response of "your a good/great/sweet guy, but im not looking for a relationship right now"

Stop trying to be the perfect gentleman or the nicest guy. Be like James Brown. BAD. Women are attracted to a guy who is BAD!:)

I am starting to lose faith and find myself thinking that maybe i am meant to be alone in life.

You are the one who thinks that! Meanwhile women are saying in their heads 'Why isn't this guy talking to me or kissing me or undressing me now!' but you don't know it or open your eyes or read them right.

I cant ask my 2 brothers for advise because they are complete assholes to women and have a new girlfriend weekly/monthly.

How do you know they are complete assholes to women? They have kissed girls and gone to bed with girls but they still get it WRONG! Because kissing a girl or losing your virginity or sleeping with lots of women can still make you useless in the relationship department. Even men who have been married for years still annoy their wives. It's called real life!

Any advise on what i can do to improve my chances or should i just give up and accept the cold hard truth that i will always do great in my job but i will never have someone to share it with?

My advise is if you see an attractive woman wherever or whenever and you think you could have fun getting to know her or talking to her - then do it.
Don't be focusing on kissing or sex or a relationship. Just enjoy female company for its own sake. Then you will be attractive and the kissing, the sex and relationships you want will just happen as you learn how women tick.
Whether you want to be a playboy or find a wife and settle down and have kids is you own business after that.

James W

lineman108 wrote: »

I am 24 and next month i'll be 25 yrs old and i have never been kissed(also still a virgin, but i dont care about that). I didn't start dating until i was 22 because i wanted to focus on setting myself up with a good career. I have always been considered very mature for my age and school and work were always easy for me.

I guess i am more concerned with never having been in a relationship than not having been kissed, since the longest i have seen anyone is 3 dates(1 time) 2 dates(1 time) and 1 date(about 10 times).

I dont know whats wrong with me that i cant seem to find success in my goal of finding a relationship. I am decent looking( out of a room of 50 men i would be chosen 20-30th) intelligent, and am considered one of the nicest guys your ever meet(friends words). I am a perfect gentleman on dates, but i still keep getting the same response of "your a good/great/sweet guy, but im not looking for a relationship right now"

I am starting to lose faith and find myself thinking that maybe i am meant to be alone in life. I cant ask my 2 brothers for advise because they are complete assholes to women and have a new girlfriend weekly/monthly.

Any advise on what i can do to improve my chances or should i just give up and accept the cold hard truth that i will always do great in my job but i will never have someone to share it with?

Don't take this the wrong way - but you sound very measured, controlled and objective orientated. These are all fine attributes, in the appropriate context but in a relationship, particularly at your age (and arguably any age) logical considerations should be secondary and passion, fun and sexual attraction to the fore. This does not mean that you behave like your brothers do, but meeting someone should not be a formal process with a specified objective. Apart from the fact that relationships don't tend to emerge like this, it also strikes me as a boring and dull approach - neither of which are attractive to other people - apart from dull and boring ones! There has to be fun, spontaneity, etc.

Man, you've got to get aroused and turned on - literally and metaphorically! Nice guys are nice, but women tend to like an edge or rogueish touch - particularly in their twenties. Sure, at 35, you might be a safe and appealling proposition to many women, but you could be selling yourself short and end up with a pretty boring life.

You're 24 so you should certainly not give up and at that age you should be focussing on having fun and making friends, rather than planning the next step of your career/life - it sounds as if you're looking for a wife - way too serious and enough to send most people running for the hills.

Stop focussing on the objective and start enjoying the process - enjoy meeting people, dating, or whatever, and stop planning ahead. The future will look after itself and if you try to grasp or hang onto a person you can be sure you'll lose them.

Julybride

I think you need some self esteem! I am not tell you to go around shouting that you are the best looking guy ever but you need to believ in yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a man who is confident within reason as arrogance is such a turn off!!!