Very confused about a guy

LegacyUser

Hey all, going to give a quick backstory of myself here. I'm a 23 year old guy, in college at the minute in Wales. I came out to my mum and brother and a few close friends as Bisexual a few years ago, yes I'm one of those ones lol. They took it okay-ish, and my best mate stopped talking to me. I thought at first they were all just trying to deal with it and didn't want to talk about it, but even after 3 years they never ask me if I'm seeing anyone or whatever. I don't mind so much, but with the not so great reactions I stopped telling people and it seems I'm once again in the closet!

Anyway, past that, I moved to Wales recently for college and in the past few months I've actually started to accept that I'm most likely gay (I really can't see myself in a relationship for too long with a woman), so I've started considering just coming out about it so I can get on with my own life and just be myself

So now i'm onto the real point, i've a bit of a man crush going on. I work in a student bar in the college, and theres one lad thats come into the bar on a few occasions that always catches my eye from the first night he was there. One thing is, this lad seems pretty much straight (pretty much like myself to be honest). The first night he came in, he seemed to make a point of staying at the bar to talk to me for a good while, something I was sure I was making up in my head lol, I pretty much seemed into him straight away. So, then the second night I saw him there, he came up to the bar again, had the craic and general banter, then started telling me he would be in galway for a week over new years and that I should come over to galway for the weekend with him and his mates, again, telling myself I was making up stuff in my head that this was anything more than just being friendly!

So, this brings me to last night, the third time I've seen him at the bar, he spends a good amount of time again at the bar having the craic with me again, keeps telling me to lean in closer to talk to me, grabs my hand the odd time etc (I'm really hoping you can see why I might be getting the wrong idea here? lol). Then asks me if I ever head into town to the pubs etc if Id be up for going for pints one of the weekends, so I said yeah, that I've no group of "lad mates" over here yet and that'd be great craic. So then he says him and his mates are going to the city next weekend to head out if i'd be up for it, so I said yeah, then he tells me that they usually head to a gay bar! So after all this, we exchange numbers, he said he'll ring me during the week to let me know the plans etc.

I've pretty much told myself at this stage to stop making stuff up in my head, but even when I was writing this there are signs all over the place he might be somewhat inclined! lol. Sorry for the short essay! Hope someone can help me out here, Can honestly say I haven't had a guy crush in a few years, really havent a clue how to handle this! Thanks folks

cgcsb

he's a 'mo, roide him, you luckey fecker.

LegacyUser

Haha, Thanks for that, dunno if i'd be brave enough to make a move though! Might just let things play out and try suss it out when we head out. Thanks for replying though

Pacifist Pigeon

He seems interested, you seem interested. You're gay, he's gay. Just let if flow. Just don't expect too much though, you know yourself.

Slang_Tang

Normally I'd be saying he's just being friendly, but this seems very promising. Best of luck!

floggg

If you do meet up with him, wear clean underwear and make sure to carry "protection". Sounds like this guy is well into you.

Seriously though, you should definitely go. from the sounds of it, he's been giving off very clear signals. As for making moves, it doesn't sound like you will have to. he's been very forward and seems to be doing all the running. I would be very surprised if he doesn't make a move. I'm sure you'll be able to give him some subtle encouragement (if that's what you want) without having to put yourself out there.

Even if it doesn't happen though, sounds like it would be a good idea to meet up with him and his friends. as you said, you've no "guy mates" there, so it would be could to meet some new friends. it might also be a good way to dip your toe into a gay bar and see what it's like. it can be intimidating to go on your own, so it would be great to have somebody to take you the first time.

As for family and friends, don't judge them too harshly for not raising it if you haven't. it may be that they aren't comfortable, or it may be that they don't want to make a big deal of it, and they're waiting to take their lead from you. if you don't mention it ever, they might feel like you would prefer them to do so, or that your not comfortable talking about it.

By the sounds of it, your not fully there yet yourself in terms of accepting it or knowing exactly what your sexuality is, so it may well be that they are still trying to do likewise.

I can imagine it might even be harder for them seeing as you came out as bi - a lot of people don't really understand bisexuality - they might think its a phase, or that you're just confused. so it might be hard for them to accept the "gay" side of bisexuality, an maybe are just letting sleeping dogs lie.

let us know how you get on with him.

LegacyUser

Thanks a lot guys, really appreciate the help.

For now I'm going to treat it as a friendly thing, just because he really is quite a straight type lad. As you said flogg, if he seems as forward again and makes the move himself etc, all the better

Ha, I'll of course be wearing clean boxers, tho I doubt if anything happens it will even go that far straight away, I'll be far far too nervous lol. I didn't think about the whole checking out a gay bar thing, good idea, I definitely wouldn't have the nerve to go check one out myself.

I'm not entirely fussed about the whole family and friends thing from back home anymore, I've moved over here for a fresh start, which is going great so far, I just brought that up because I'm debating with myself if I should just come out over here so I dont let it go for too long, get to know people, then be afraid of a repeat performance like with my old best mate? Lol. Probably best just to get it out in the open now while I'm still meeting and getting to know people? (well not until after the night out next week of course! Haha)

Thanks again for the comments

Conor30

He's definitely into you!!!! It sounds like he and most/all of his mates that are going out at the weekend are gay too! Enjoy it and quit making us all feel so jealous!!! Is he a British guy?

I can also be bad at reading guys' signals!! Some poor fellas nearly have to stop short of holding a placard in front of me! lol

Let us know how it all pans out! Very excited for ya!

LegacyUser

Aw sorry Conor! Really didn't intend to make anyone jealous with this! I'm just absolutely horrible at reading signs when it has to do with myself. When its other people I can tell a mile away, just not when it comes to someone coming on to me etc lol.

He's Welsh, very straight acting, one of his mates was out the other night too and seems 100% straight, so I'm not gonna assume they're all gay.. Oh and when he was telling me they usually head to a gay bar he then started saying how cheap the drink was, but I know my mates would never go to a gay bar purely for cheap drink, its a tough call! He also kept asking me if I was genuine about heading out with them as if I was taking the mick! If only he knew what was going on in my head! lol

Aard

At last -- somebody worse at reading signals than me! :P

LegacyUser

Aard you have no idea! lol. I just never believe someone would be into me if I'm into them :P Like the further it gets away from the other night, the more i'm talking myself out of it all and thinking that it was all a figment of my imagination

Locker10a

confused_guy wrote: »

Aard you have no idea! lol. I just never believe someone would be into me if I'm into them :P Like the further it gets away from the other night, the more i'm talking myself out of it all and thinking that it was all a figment of my imagination

haha i do the same thing! Always question my judgements im always very cynical about guys who come on to me!
but if you do go out with him be sure to let us know how you get on:)

floggg

confused_guy wrote: »

Aard you have no idea! lol. I just never believe someone would be into me if I'm into them :P Like the further it gets away from the other night, the more i'm talking myself out of it all and thinking that it was all a figment of my imagination

Just go for it dude. What have you to lose. You don't really know him all that long so if it doesn't work out you won't lose anything really.

He's probably gay by the sound of things, and into you. Mentioning the gay bar was his way of letting you know I'll bet. But even if he was straight, the fact that he goes to gay bars means he's comfortable with gay men and wouldn't be a dick if you had gotten the wrong end of the stick. It sounds like its a very low risk night out so just go for it.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys I really appreciate having somewhere to talk to people about this!

I'm at a stage now wherE I'm half considering texting him, he did say he'd ring during the week, so I'm not sure, should I wait for a call? Or show some interest by texting first?

Aurongroove

I though I was reading this guy correctly before but I later found out he was married to a female woman, with a vagina who was a woman and had biological offspring: His biological offspring.

On the other hand I was once stopped one afternoon by this dude I'd never met before (but he did know me) and we had a friendly but strange conversation. Months later I happened across a profile of his online that made me splutter my tea all over my fine china set, let me tell you!

bikeman1

OP,

I would definitely give it a shot. Try not to be nervous and just hope for the best. There is no way that he would ask you to go out with his mates and say that they often go to a gay bar without a good chance of him being gay. It seems to me that this guy is really interested in you since he has made a point to come back and talk to you on more than one occasion.

Don't let it phase you that he comes out as someone who is very straight acting, plenty of us are like that, so just be optimistic that you may be in luck that the guy who you have a crush on, may actually have a crush on you!

Do let us know how you get on!

LegacyUser

Cheers Bikeman, and everyone else. I'm just going to go with the flow for now, treating it as a night out with the lads, though not gonna have my usual walls up and see how it goes

I'll post on here if anything does actually come from it all. Thanks again for everyones advice so far, you've all been great

LegacyUser

So, I gave in and sent a text, very casual just asking if he was still up for pints during the week.. Got a pretty normal reply, which is making me pretty sure all the "signals" were just drunken friendlyness I now feel a bit of an eejit! lol

The reply was "alright lad.. aye a few of us are heading out more than welcome to join. Not sure what time we are starting will let you know saturday morning."

Have to admit, i feel a bit more relaxed about it now though, thank god lol.

Pacifist Pigeon

confused_guy wrote: »

"alright lad.."

Hmmm. He seems a bit straight acting to me - maybe he's straight.

floggg

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

confused_guy wrote: »

"alright lad.."

Hmmm. He seems a bit straight acting to me - maybe he's straight.

????

Are you being serious? I wouldn't read anything into it about his sexuality.

OP I wouldn't read anything into the relaxed nature of the text. He could be playing it cool or he might be a little bit more shy now he's sober. Doesn't mean he doesn't still like you.

He could just be trying not to seem too eager in case your not into him and he looks silly. Just play it cool and see what happens. You don't have to jump him to let him know your interested.

baby and crumble

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

Hmmm. He seems a bit straight acting to me - maybe he's straight.

What did you expect him to say in a text?

"Coo-eee, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahling, I'll let you know early what time we're starting to get ready, you know how long it takes us gurls to do our hair lols love ya!!!!!!!!! xxxx"

Would that mean he's gay?

Barna77

baby and crumble wrote: »

Would that mean he's gay?

Pretty much yeah

:rolleyes:

Rick_

Pacifist Pigeon wrote: »

Hmmm. He seems a bit straight acting to me - maybe he's straight.

I say that to a few of my friends, well the male ones anyway, all the time, and guess what? I'm a 'straight acting' gay! (In the sense that I am naturally not camp, there's no 'acting' involved!)

Straight people can say things that could be minconstrued as 'gay'.
Gay people can say things that can be misconstrued as 'straight'.

Funny old world we live in, isn't it?

OP, you'll find out on Saturday what the story is, so until then, relax, don't wory about it and make sure that if somehting good does happen Saturday you're showered, nicely dressed and suitably equipped with a raincoat for your willy, if you decide to go that far that is. If it goes the other way and he's straight, at least you're with new friends and you're showered, nicely dressed and in a gay bar with a condom, so if the notion took you, you can go enjoy yourself anyway, if you decide to want to do that, that is.

Play it cool and let's wait until Saturday to see what happens. And make sure you come on here on Sunday and fill us all in!

Pacifist Pigeon

Paddy C wrote: »

I say that to a few of my friends, well the male ones anyway, all the time, and guess what? I'm a 'straight acting' gay! (In the sense that I am naturally not camp, there's no 'acting' involved!)

Straight people can say things that could be minconstrued as 'gay'.
Gay people can say things that can be misconstrued as 'straight'.

True. I once met a guy with a very camp voice saying stuff like "dude". Sounded kinda weird, but oh well...

LegacyUser

Sorry guys ignore that last post, i've had a truly messed up day and that was a stupid moment over over analyzing absolutely nothing, a pure moment of stupidity to be fair lol..

Intouch9

Glued to this thread. Best of luck on Saturday OP. Don't tell anybody here where you're going or everybody will be there to see what happens!

i_steal_sheep

I say 'alright lad' or 'well buck' all the time... and I'm regarded as very straight :-D or to quote one of my mates, the straightest gay man he knows.

Paddy C wrote: »

I say that to a few of my friends, well the male ones anyway, all the time, and guess what? I'm a 'straight acting' gay! (In the sense that I am naturally not camp, there's no 'acting' involved!)

Straight people can say things that could be minconstrued as 'gay'.
Gay people can say things that can be misconstrued as 'straight'.

Funny old world we live in, isn't it?

OP, you'll find out on Saturday what the story is, so until then, relax, don't wory about it and make sure that if somehting good does happen Saturday you're showered, nicely dressed and suitably equipped with a raincoat for your willy, if you decide to go that far that is. If it goes the other way and he's straight, at least you're with new friends and you're showered, nicely dressed and in a gay bar with a condom, so if the notion took you, you can go enjoy yourself anyway, if you decide to want to do that, that is.

Play it cool and let's wait until Saturday to see what happens. And make sure you come on here on Sunday and fill us all in!

This man talks sense (yet again).

Intouch9 wrote: »

Glued to this thread. Best of luck on Saturday OP. Don't tell anybody here where you're going or everybody will be there to see what happens!

;-)

Rick_

i_steal_sheep wrote: »

This man talks sense (yet again).

Well... I aim to please!

LegacyUser

Lol intouch9, you'll log on come sunday morning to read a very normal account of a night out

(I wish I could sign into my boardsie account and post here, it takes ages for mods to approve my posts! I guess posting from the closet has its drawbacks lol)

baby and crumble

confused_guy wrote: »

Lol intouch9, you'll log on come sunday morning to read a very normal account of a night out

(I wish I could sign into my boardsie account and post here, it takes ages for mods to approve my posts! I guess posting from the closet has its drawbacks lol)

15 minutes on this one's not bad...

LegacyUser

Lmao, damn you baby and crumble proving me wrong :P Was just teasing!

baby and crumble

12! Awww yeah!!!!



But in all seriousness, I hope this weekend goes well. My gut tells me he's into you, so just relax and see what happens.

LegacyUser

Ha, thanks B&C.

With everything else thats happened this week, I'm very relaxed about it now. If its gonna happen, it'll happen. Just gonna go with it for now

i_steal_sheep

baby and crumble wrote: »

My gut tells me he's into you

I think everyone's gut is telling them the same thing...

Intouch9

Imagine if one of us is the guy and we're pure delighted with ourselves seeing this!

LegacyUser

I doubt it intouch9, I can't imagine a welsh guy being on boards.ie lol. And if by some chance he is, then I do hope he has been reading

Intouch9

Sorry buddy, my soap-opera-esque mind is getting carried away. Can't wait to hear how Saturday goes for you.

Davyhal

This thread is probably the closest I am gonna get to a love life in a while, so make sure to update it man.... I need my fix!!!

LegacyUser

Can I just say thanks to everyone on here, I really can't believe how awesome you've all been, I'm slightly overwhelmed by all of your support lol. I will most definitely keep you all in the loop, you've all helped me out so much, I owe it to you

L.Jenkins

Please do. It was a good read.

baby and crumble

We live our lives vicariously, OP.

passable

hope it all goes well for you mate be good and if ya cant be good be careful lol

Aard

Anybody else getting Feeky flashbacks? Or Esso girl?

LegacyUser

Whats a feeky flashback? :S Or esso girl?

Intouch9

Was wondering that too! Esso Girl sounds vaguely familiar.

Intouch9

...Well? (Boards waits with bated breath)

LegacyUser

Hey folks!

So I went out saturday night with the lads, It was great craic, pretty sure I read some signals right, we didnt end up in the city, just pints round town. The only thing is, I'm sure if this guy is even just a bit curious, thats all it is, which for me isn't worth acting on cause i'd much rather a good group of mates than a one off bit of fun

Thanks for all the positive encouragement, I was going to back out on saturday, but decided "F*** it" and just went in, approached it as a night out and had some great banter

Sorry for the anti-climax! lol

readyletsgo

Well you made a new group of mates, thats still pretty damn cool for you!