cant go on without him,can never ever take him back

LegacyUser

After christmas my husband of 4 years arranged to go to our place abroad for new year for a week with some friends, they had been saying they were gonna do it for years, we had such a lovely christmas planning to have a baby this year deciding where to go on holiday, everything about our relationship was looking bright and we were so so close.

I packed his bag, we made love the morning he left, he told me he loved me, kissed me and said see you in a week, i text him midafternoon to see how they were getting on as they were driving through Europe, there was no reply.
I tried calling in the evening and the phone was switched off, i was getting frantic as the phone had been charged fully the night before i had unplugged the charger and packed it in his bag myself, i hadn't heard anything from him by morning so i rang his cousin who had gone away with him, when he answered he said he wasnt with my husband right then and he would call back in 10 minutes, he never called back, i rang him an hour later and he said they were going through the border in France my husband had gone through but they would not let him through as he had an old style passport, they were late leaving apparently because of car trouble.
A few hours later i got a call from my husband who confirmed everything his cousin had said told me not to worry that his phone had run out of battery, he was still fine with me at this point, but this is when i got the gut feeling that something wasnt right.
He continued to ignore my messages and leave his phone switched off for the next week just the odd short phone call saying everything is fine complaining that the bill would be huge.
He was suppose to come home the day before i had an operation which i was extremely scared about, he called me the day he was suppose to come home and said he was staying 12 more days, that he needed space to clear his head, everything would be fine if i just left him alone, i had already gone through hell at this point wondering what he was playing at, i had hardly slept, i was terrified about the next day which i would now have to face alone so we argued and he just turned on me saying awful things to me, we calmed down in the end but the next day i heard nothing till late in the evening he text me asking how the op went i was devestated and shocked at how he was behaving i didnt reply to him or answer his call, after a couple of days i tried to call him but the phone was off he didnt reply to any of my texts or voicemail, i tried to carry on going to work and making up stories about what he was doing when people asked after him, but i was dying inside trying to figure out what had happened for him to treat me this way there was no indication he was unhappy enough to do this before he left i couldn't get support from anyone around me because i love my husband passionately i was worried about what was going on in his head, that he was making a terrible mistake i could save him from, and i couldnt bear to hear the things people would have said about him for behaving this way when i didnt even know the reason for it myself.
He sent me a text on the day he was suppose to be home saying we cant be together because he is messed up in the head, i rang him totally besides myself and he was shouting at me said he wished he done this years ago,its all my fault, that being with me for 8 years was awful, i asked him if he had taken a woman with him he said no but i eventually got it out of him that he had had a one night stand the last night he was there, ive always been able to get the truth out of him, i hung up the phone at this point threw up and i havent been able to talk to him since it makes me physically sick.
I threw everything he owns in black bags and dumped them outside the house, text him telling him his stuff was outside i never want to see him again and never to step a foot inside my house again, this was a week ago today, since then he has been trying to ring and getting other people to ring but i cant answer he has text me saying he loves me, he wants to be there for me, its not what i think he wants to see me and explain.
I'm so weak i was hardly eating before i found out he cheated, i cant keep anything down now, i have tried to go to work twice in the last week but have managed a total of 2 hours, everything makes me cry, i just sit in our bed and its just waves and waves of anger, desperation, sadness, i miss him so so much then i hate myself for missing him and end up torturing myself with images of him with another woman in our place in the bed we spent our wedding night, using my bathroom my kitchen, touching my husband him touching her, im doubting everything about being with him analysing every aspect of our relationship, i trusted him 100%, about how easily i believed everything he said if it was all just a sham, i dont know what i am going to do the one person who can make me feel better is the one who has done this to me, if i see him i dont know if i would go for his throat or fall into his arms, he was my whole world, i thought i was his, we have had our problems and been through alot together we have always stuck by each other tho, this pain is unbearable, i cannot function, i cannot sleep i'm a nervous wreck constantly at the window when i hear a car pull up, up and down all night thinking sometimes hoping i heard someone downstairs, im beginning to scare myself a bit, i will cross a road without looking and think hopefully i will get run down, i dont really want to live without him and i know i will never be able to be with him again.

Oryx

Right at this point you need someone in your life to pour this out to. Is there someone close to you you can call on? Dont worry about what they will think, this is a huge issue, you ought not to be alone.

dellas1979

Jesus. You poor crater.

Am stunned and so saddened to read your post and what you are going through. You are in total 1000% shock right now and you need help. Have you spoken to your family or friends? Because right now you need all the support in the world.

The one thing I know is what is making this even harder on you is that you are not eating and sleeping. If you are weak from food and lacking sleep, you wont be able to cope/will cope less emotionally. One follows the other. Even if it is something small here and there, you need to eat girl to get your strength back. Take small small steps at the moment. Is there anyone that could stay with you for a little bit?

blue skye

God you poor thing!!! You need to talk to someone - Friend, Family!!!! You need to get this out of your system!!!!!!

I had a simliar experience (although not as bad as your's & I was devestated) We were married for about 3 year's & he went away for the weekend with my future brother in law & friend's for the stag. All us girls stayed with my sister & each & everyone of the girls got a call from there other half - I never!!!! It was before mobile's so there was no texting then - lol!

When I colleted him I nearly called it off there and then coz I was sooo fecking MAD! :mad: He told me he just couldn't get to a phone??????? Needless to say we are now a year & half seperated! If it's not working for BOTH of you then it's unfortuatly over - I know it's hard to hear now The only positive thing I would say is that you don't have kid's.

I would say you both need your own space - don't contact him & don't answer his calls until you sort your head out!

theg81der

Do whatever you have to to get over him because if he really was sorry he would be there and he`s not. Please as other posters said you need to tell someone, if only I think to make it real and start the process of grieving your marriage and moving on.

nowyouresix

So sorry to hear this has happened you. When my husband left, I used to have to sit on the floor every now and then as I knew at least I couldn't fall over. Sometimes I still do.
You are in shock. You need to tell some of your family/friends and start the process of getting legal advice and all that goes with the breakdown of your marriage. A quick visit to your GP is the first thing though. My GP was absolutely amazing the help I got was unreal. You may need some time off work. I know it's easy for me to tell you not focus on his indiscretion, but honestly if you keep thinking about him with this other woman, then you'll drive yourself around the twist. She is just a factor in this breakdown, not the cause.
I hope you get the help you need right now.
And I know you don't want to hear it, but really it will get easier. It will take time though, and you will need to be patient. I know how hard it is ,so big cyber hugs to you, and genuinely I hope you get some help.

Missy Moo Moo

What a horrendous story OP, I'm so sorry this despicable thing has happened to you.

He effectively ended his marriage through text, what a weak coward.

If work is not keeping your mind off things, could you talk to your boss in confidence, explain what happened and seek time off? Is there someone you can stay with temporarily? Friends, family? Your house is probably full of memories which doesn't help and you need and deserve to be looked after at this time.

Big hugs OP, this is a truly horrendous thing but imagine the guilt that he'll have to live with for doing this to you. You've done everything right, you were loving and trusting, do not blame yourself in any way.

Take care xxx

Starokan

That's a really sad story and to be honest your husband displayed extreme cowardice and callousness in behaving the way he did. It seems to me that he just could not face telling you the truth of what he was doing.

As devastating as this is you will recover from this and emerge from it . You need to totally concentrate on yourself now and you need to lean on the people around you. I know it probably feels like you will be really embarassed to face people but you have done nothing wrong here in the slightest.

No will be anything but supportive of you in this situation.

Dudess

OP, I echo someone who said to book an appointment with a GP - this situation is understandably causing you huge stress and taking its toll physically as well as emotionally.
Would you consider giving your husband a chance to explain why he said the stuff about being unhappy in the relationship for years and being messed up in the head, seeing as he has said he wants to explain? Even for your own closure? I'd have to know - especially when you guys seemed so close and he told you he loved you and things seemed so perfect at Christmas... but that's just me.
He's apologising and acknowledging, which is better than him not giving a sh1t I guess (IMO). I don't know... would it be wise to just end all those years together without hearing what he has to say? Even if he's completely in the wrong?

greenprincess

What an excuse for a man! Seriously it sounds like you will be much better off without him. I know you are married and that will be a messy enough fall out but its so lucky you dont have any childern.
I agree you really need to talk to a friend or someone close to you need to just pour it all out. But you will get through this

amtc

Poor poor you.

You need your mum. your best friend.

I know how hard it is. I have been there. just give yourself time.