Balloon

OwaynOTT

Mary wasn't in time to stop Frank from becoming airborne and the red balloon that carried him and the balloonist rose higher and higher into the blue. On the ground near where the red balloon had been tied up, pair of wellingtons was left behind. While she was standing there in the front yard holding a rusted pitch fork, Mary came to realise that the two lumps of green vulcanised rubber were the remainders of her marriage.

In the balloon without his wellingtons sitting on the gondola floor, Frank was regretting the decision that he had made not too long ago. Staring at object in his hand was only adding to his feelings of regret about his decision. I should have used red sauce on the ham sandwich. While making a vow to himself about the use of red sauce on ham sandwiches, he set about making short work of the sandwich that he was holding. His attempt to offer one to the balloonist, with the advancing hairline, was stymied when he realised none were left after his gorging.

Nearly forty years since he had a ham sandwich with red sauce. He felt like he was floating through the air since he got in the balloon and left the one who withheld the sauce. Figuratively and literally Frank was floating through the air.

Five minutes ago, every little decision, like what shirt to wear, was out of his hands. Now? Now his future lay upon the winds of fate.

OwaynOTT

My first attempt at writing something. Well since school.

Thoughts?

teeky

OwaynOTT wrote: »

My first attempt at writing something. Well since school.

Thoughts?

Brilliant. Loved it, very curious about hearing more on Mary. Keep it up I say. More creative minds are always welcome in my world.

Insect Overlord

The idea is interesting, but there are quite a lot of errors putting me off enjoying the piece to a greater extent. It jumps between tenses (present, past, past participle), sometimes even within sentences, and you've even included the dreaded "should of" in place of "should have".

Proof-read it, edit a bit, post the corrected version, and you'll have a nice little intro to a story on your hands.

pickarooney

Not bad at all. As above, proofread it thoroughly or if you're stuck finding the errors in it, just ask.

OwaynOTT

Thanks guys. Had an idea it would be plagued with errors.

PurpleBee

The simple error ridden prose reminds me a bit of Padraiggg whose stories of Trent are pretty legendary. You should give us more,

Balloonist with an advancing hairline sounds like a Padraiggg character

OwaynOTT

PurpleBee wrote: »

The simple error ridden prose reminds me a bit of Padraiggg whose stories of Trent are pretty legendary. You should give us more,

Balloonist with an advancing hairline sounds like a Padraiggg character

Who is Padraiggg?

An advancing hairline, with nostrils that have been colonized and ears that have been annexed by an ever advancing hair.

OwaynOTT

Insect Overlord wrote: »

The idea is interesting, but there are quite a lot of errors putting me off enjoying the piece to a greater extent. It jumps between tenses (present, past, past participle), sometimes even within sentences, and you've even included the dreaded "should of" in place of "should have".

Proof-read it, edit a bit, post the corrected version, and you'll have a nice little intro to a story on your hands.

pickarooney wrote: »

Not bad at all. As above, proofread it thoroughly or if you're stuck finding the errors in it, just ask.

I tried to clean it up a little there but I'm not sure if it's any better.

OwaynOTT

When he said that ‘one of these days I’ll leave’, I thought he meant with another woman.

Perplexed and frankly still a bit shaken at seeing her husband take off into the blue in a hot air balloon, Mary decided to make herself a cup of tea to help her think. So she dropped the pitch fork and went back inside the bungalow.
Once inside she set about the job of preparing the tea. She emptied the kettle, which was half full and placed it under the hot tap and refilled it with water. She did these two things because a friend had once told her not to reuse water after it had already been boiled, as it could cause Alzheimer disease, and Frank told her not to use hot water when making the tea, as it would save on electricity. Always letting other people dictate to her was Mary.
She plugged in the kettle and switched it on. She got the milk, the sugar and everything else she needed for her tea and she sat in her chair beside the range to wait for the kettle to boil.
The kettle boiled but no tea was made. She had taken out two cups