Am I just being paranoid??

seanbranagh

OK, so I am still working on the internet dating after several failed attempts. This time I have a bit of a strange question.
I got in touch with a woman a couple of weeks back and decided to meet pretty quick after chatting online was going really well. We met in Belfast on Friday night and by the second drink we completely clicked, probably because we are both very sarcastic. By the end of the night I was invited back home with her and we quickly ended up in bed.
We were drunk and there is absolutely nothing unusual about that even upon just meeting someone.
The bit that concerns me is that upon waking up completely sober on Saturday I was fully expecting “I was drunk, its too early, that was a mistake” but instead I just got more action. Being a man I could never refuse but I was very concerned how “easy” she appeared to be. This started me thinking that she is only looking for a bit of action but that also makes no sense based on the conversation then and on the phone since, I have absolutely no doubt that she is genuinely interested in me. Either that or she deserves an Oscar for acting interested.
Am I just being paranoid or have I got good reason to be as concerned as I am about how “easy” she was on the first meeting?

A point to note is that I am from a Catholic background and she is from a Protestant background which I know plays a part in these situations.

LovelyLottie

I seriously doubt religion has anything to do with it.

Do you want something more than a one night stand with her? It sounds to me like you initially did because you clicked with her, but you are now letting a stereotypical view of a woman being "easy" if she sleeps with you on a first date affect your view of her. In fairness, you're just as "easy" to have slept with her on a first date - you were "being a man", she was being a woman.

She's not playing by 'the rules'. She wanted to sleep with you, so she did. She may want a relationship, she may not. Unfortunately for her, she's slept with a guy on a first date, who is now calling her "easy". Such a double-standard on your part.

The easiest way to find out what she wants, is to ask her.

EGAR

Ahm, it takes two to Tango and *being a man* is no excuse either.

gmac102

haha
i love how easy she appeared to be yet you were just as involved as her... double standard anyone?


im hardly ever harsh on here but grow up op , if ur going to judge her by her actions take a look at urself

seanbranagh

Yes, I was completely and absolutely wrong in the way I worded the original post and should never have used the word “easy”.
In that case then yes I am setting a double standard but in the particular situation I have absolutely no regrets and I am 100% sure of the reasons for my participation. I clicked with the woman in a very unexpected but good way very very quickly (and not just in a sexual way) and for me, everything about the whole thing felt right.
I suppose my question or paranoia is, could it really have been the same in her case?
Based on conversation then and almost every day since, I would have to say yes but that does little for my paranoia.

LegacyUser

Would it not have been more hypocritical of her to have pulled the "Catholic guilt" routine/stunt the day after, and blamed it on the drink? Ok, things might have moved a bit fast, but at least ye had chemistry, and there was something more to it than alcohol? The last thing you want is this pseudo-religious lark of pretending to be celibate during the daylight hours, & then supposedly plagued with guilt after sleeping you in the nighttime.
Look, depending on her age& dating history, maybe she just decided to bite the bullet.
You don't know her, or her background. Maybe she'd been single for ages& you're the first guy she's met that she's clicked with. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she's out of a LTR& looking for excitement. Maybe she's been on dates before where she's clicked with someone but they've been crap sexually, and she didn't want to waste her time this time around.
Point is, you DON'T KNOW.
And who's to say that this is a regular occurrence; you can't assume that it is, based on your one experience. And even if it was, it's not really your business unless you become serious with her.
A good friend of mine married the girl he slept with on their first date. He had the same qualms as you, which- stupidly- took him ages (4years of dating!) to overcome, but she's now his wife. It's not often you come across someone who you connect with emotionally& physically. If you want, find some other girl who "plays the game" a bit more cutely than this girl did. You might be surprised that the quieter girls can often have the more chequered history...

gmac102

seanbranagh wrote: »

Yes, I was completely and absolutely wrong in the way I worded the original post and should never have used the word “easy”.
In that case then yes I am setting a double standard but in the particular situation I have absolutely no regrets and I am 100% sure of the reasons for my participation. I clicked with the woman in a very unexpected but good way very very quickly (and not just in a sexual way) and for me, everything about the whole thing felt right.
I suppose my question or paranoia is, could it really have been the same in her case?
Based on conversation then and almost every day since, I would have to say yes but that does little for my paranoia.

yes u were wrong, at least you know it. Then for now until you know different why dont you apply your reasons as hers. Maybe it felt right to her 2.

Bodhidharma

I dont see religion having anything to do with this situation whatsoever.

Why dont you just be a bit optimistic and go with the fact that ye both thought it clicked?

Scanlas The 2nd

If you you like see her again. It's that simple.

LegacyUser

Like you, she's probably ignoring the fact that she took an active and equal part in sex with you, and is looking back over the date thinking that you're just after one thing. You think she's easy, she thinks you're only after one thing.

If you want a relationship, you're really going to have to grow up to be honest. Expecting perfection from your partner while not exhibiting it yourself is just going to be a long road to nowhere.

Beruthiel

seanbranagh wrote: »

The bit that concerns me is that upon waking up completely sober on Saturday I was fully expecting “I was drunk, its too early, that was a mistake” but instead I just got more action. Being a man I could never refuse but I was very concerned how “easy” she appeared to be.

Easy?
Give me a break.
If you have taken the decision that she is easy, then you must also look at yourself and admit that you were just as easy as she.
This isn't the 1800's. *Newsflash* women like sex too.
Instead of being happy, you're trying to poke holes in something that was fun for both of you.
What's the big deal?

A point to note is that I am from a Catholic background and she is from a Protestant background which I know plays a part in these situations.

Does it?
How so?

Let go of your paranoia and enjoy her company.

LittleBook

seanbranagh wrote: »

I clicked with the woman in a very unexpected but good way very very quickly (and not just in a sexual way) and for me, everything about the whole thing felt right.
I suppose my question or paranoia is, could it really have been the same in her case?

Why not?

seanbranagh wrote: »

Based on conversation then and almost every day since, I would have to say yes but that does little for my paranoia.

Soooo, to answer your first question bluntly ... yes, you are being paranoid.

And by the by this reeks of low self esteem too. You've met someone who is as attracted to you as you are to her and instead of enjoying that you're picking holes in it.

Miss Fluff

seanbranagh wrote: »

The bit that concerns me is that upon waking up completely sober on Saturday I was fully expecting “I was drunk, its too early, that was a mistake” but instead I just got more action. Being a man I could never refuse but I was very concerned how “easy” she appeared to be.

You know when I read this first I thought we've got PI's first bona fide time-traveller as you could only be from Dickensian times with a thought process like that. :rolleyes:

Having read your post again though, and specifically the part above it just seems evident that you obviously have no luck with women and that they usually can't get rid of you half quick enough - this has obviously thrown you a bit. It would seem that this girl a. likes sex and b. liked sex with you. This does not make her "easy" (a term which disgusts me quite frankly) or anything else. Your comment on religion is also gratutious and ill-founded.

How this pans out is entirely in your own hands now. Pick holes in it if you choose and let it go no further or alternatively relax, take it at face value and stop finding fault where there is none.

LegacyUser

Being from a Protestant background well yes you are right we are all wanton floozies and not to be trusted!!
But seriously even though this thought process about sex is archaic from a modern political correctness point of view I just think the OP is being very honest about some very common ways of thinking. Women and men still do think like this, its so ingrained I don't know if it will ever be fully erased. The fact that the sex industry is so alive and well and so many men pay for it and so may other forms of sexual gratification, and still now if a woman sleeps around she's a 'slut' or 'easy' while a man is a stud proves this. Men really do separate sex and the relationship/emotion part more than women. And stemming from that sometimes men just cant get out of the way of thinking sex is something to be earned, which i dont think is an awful way to look at it, just a way of thinking that is hard wired perhaps? Men, and women, like the anticipation for something special with someone they like so if its given so freely its like well does she not value herself like she should? But that way of thinking does not understand that women can and do want sex as much as men! So I can understand a more traditional person being confused with this situation.
If a woman has been having regular sex like in a LTR and then is single she really does miss it you know! She liked you, trusted you, fancies you, just go with it!!

beks101

Jesus Christ, I despair.

I actually think any chance you have of a relationship with this girl is doomed because of your warped way of thinking on this. You're both living in different worlds, and it's got absolutely nothing to do with religion.

Yours is one where a girl is 'easy' if she sleeps with a guy she just met and the guy is immune from judgement. Hers is one where a woman has a sex drive just like a man and is fully entitled to sleep with a guy she fancies whenever she fancies, without conforming to some bullsh1t 'fifth date' rule or making the guy 'earn' it. Welcome to the 21st century.

I'd let her go if I were you, you're far too narrow-minded for her and no girl deserves the sort of judgement you're casting over her for something to which you're equally culpable.

LegacyUser

That's exactly what happened on my first date with my now husband. We clicked and didn't want to part at the end of the night - 6 years, and one baby later - we're still together!

I'd never slept with anyone on a first date before, some blokes I didn't even kiss! But something felt right that night and it worked - I never second-guessed if he thought I was easy or not but then again he's not that kind of bloke!

You're being totally paranoid!

the quick fix

seanbranagh wrote: »

OK, so I am still working on the internet dating after several failed attempts. This time I have a bit of a strange question.
I got in touch with a woman a couple of weeks back and decided to meet pretty quick after chatting online was going really well. We met in Belfast on Friday night and by the second drink we completely clicked, probably because we are both very sarcastic. By the end of the night I was invited back home with her and we quickly ended up in bed.
We were drunk and there is absolutely nothing unusual about that even upon just meeting someone.
The bit that concerns me is that upon waking up completely sober on Saturday I was fully expecting “I was drunk, its too early, that was a mistake” but instead I just got more action. Being a man I could never refuse but I was very concerned how “easy” she appeared to be. This started me thinking that she is only looking for a bit of action but that also makes no sense based on the conversation then and on the phone since, I have absolutely no doubt that she is genuinely interested in me. Either that or she deserves an Oscar for acting interested.
Am I just being paranoid or have I got good reason to be as concerned as I am about how “easy” she was on the first meeting?

A point to note is that I am from a Catholic background and she is from a Protestant background which I know plays a part in these situations.

Yes you are being paranoid, the religion thing is ridiculous. If you liked each other and are adults about it where the hell does easy come into it. There's nothing wrong with two people who like each other that end up having sex the first time. Don't be so judgmental about her. You should be grateful that she isn't on a different forum saying how easy you are talking about difference in religion either. In any case have some respect.