Partner problems = stressed pregnancy!

LegacyUser

Hi!

I`m a pregnant female in my 30`s and I`m having a problem with my partner of 10 years. Had to leave and stay in a friends he`s upsetting me so much. We`re both out of work so that is stressful but on the positive side we aren`t in any debt.

He seems so caught up in what his life could or should have been if he`d had the confidence, he wants to be this other guy and from the things he`s saying to me with this other woman who`s successful and rich and thinner and healthier. He just can`t seem to be happy at all. He`s always said I`ll be happy when ... but when he pursued what he thought would make him happy it never did. He`s just so negative, he can`t even be happy about the baby - he keeps saying its going to turn out wrong and me or the baby will die/be disabled.

I am no picnic. I am very verbal and don`t back down from a fight at all, I have a terrible temper but obviously being pregnant I am trying. I also do say terrible things and can be belittling, my parents relationship was like this my mother belittled my dad and he adored her.

Most people who know him say lovely guy but couldn`t live with him and thats true he is a great guy in so many respects.

We`ve gone to counselling before and it worked out he went on his own as the counsellor thought it would be best to sort out some issues (he had hit me on a few occassions and had some problems with understanding that other people can have there own opinions).

What do I do? He hasn`t a clue where I am and hasn`t even text to see if I`m alright and I am not texting him as I`m still quite annoyed.

Abi

I can't pin-point any one problem here, its just a mess of bizarre tiffs.

OP, you're going to have to settle down. You're pregnant and you being constantly agitated is not good for the baby. You need to go back home, and talk to your partner. It seems to me, that being out of work is the reason for his self-reflection. Unfortunately he's not being very tactful in how he's putting it, because you're obviously upset about it.

I think you should both consider mediation, so you can both begin to focus on the life you have ahead of you as parents, and to repair communications between you and your partner. You shouldn't be saying hurtful things to each other, and I'm sorry to say, but a lot of growing up has to be done on both sides.

You need to talk to each other, explain how inadequate he's making you feel when he's describing a life that he could have had. Try not to be so upset all the time. there may very well be a big change in him when the baby comes along, as it will give him a new focus, a new purpose.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope things work out for you both.

LegacyUser

OP here - made appointmment for counselling today. I didn`t go home because he has a bit of a temper Abi its not because I was being immature, its years since he last hit me but the way he`s behaving right now I`m not comfortable. He`s blaming me for feeling trapped etc but he already has a child who I love dearly so this isn`t his first. Its seems he just want to run away from his life, which I don`t see as that bad looking at the situations others we know are in.

Abi

myownworstenemy wrote: »

OP here - made appointmment for counselling today. I didn`t go home because he has a bit of a temper Abi its not because I was being immature, its years since he last hit me but the way he`s behaving right now I`m not comfortable.

Are you saying he's scaring you, and that you think he may lose his temper enough to do it again?

He`s blaming me for feeling trapped etc but he already has a child who I love dearly so this isn`t his first. Its seems he just want to run away from his life, which I don`t see as that bad looking at the situations others we know are in.

Its not right for him to project his regrets on you like that. If it were me, I'd have told him how it makes me feel to hear this all the time, and if he's not happy with his life as it is, I'd show him the door.

qwertytlk

Hi, im going to be brutally honest here. If you both dont sort something now things are going to get alot worse because although having a baby is the best thing in the world and so rewarding, its also quite difficult and emotionally draining, paticurally in the first few months while your finding your feet and getting used to everything. Not to mention complete sleep deprivation. So all that coupled with the proplems you and your partner already have is a recipe for disaster. And the fact that he has a temper and has been violent in the past....well when your listening to a crying baby for hours and havent slept properly or at all in days, please dont underestimate how hard that is. And when your a person who already has problems dealing with your emotions and containing your anger i reckon it would be doubly hard. He sounds as though he suffers from depression. Would he consider seeing a counsellor again, or going to the gp for a diagnosis or even going on meds untill he can deal with life properly?
I know you say your not speaking at the moment, but do you love thos guy? Do you want to try and fix the problems in this relationship and try and be a family? Im not asking you to answers these questions, i just think you should be asking yourself them as when your baby comes along you most likely will not have the time or interest in much else for the first couple of months, so if you do want to try and patch things up with him and for your both to work on yourselves and the relationship i would advise you jump right in and do it now, before it becomes to much of a task and your life is so full with other things that you just dont have the time.
I hope you dont think im being harsh...i just wanted to be honest as i have just had a baby and know how much of a strain it can be on a good, happy relationship so obv it would be alot worse and more doifficult in your situation.
I wish you thr best of of luck with everything and hope it can all be worked out in some way.