Girl I am meeting, not sure what to do

zooropa2012

So there is a girl in my class in college, who I have liked for about 3 years and in those years we have kissed on nights out with ease and just before Christmas we went out a 3 times just the two of us it felt like we were heading somewhere.
We had great fun and I bought her a Christmas present in which she was delighted. We have been intimate with each other in that time.Over the holidays I was considering going to ask her to be my girlfriend.
The problem now is that I am not sure whether now she is playing hard to get or just lost interest in me, I find that I have been initiating the conversation with her by text most of the time, and while she is always nice and friendly to me in person she has a tendency to be hot or cold with me, sometimes putting kissing at the end of messages and then other times just not replying a after a few texts. I know that she is a little shy and so and I am and I have often got drunken texts of her being flirty. It has gotten to the stage now where it is really affecting me I am ashamed to say that I am getting paranoid (facebook, hearing other guys being mentioned), not sleeping good and feeling down. I really like this girl but I am in my final year in and I can't get the situation out of my head and when she in my classes or near me it makes it difficult to concentrate on other things. I was texting her last night for example and I asked if she wanted to do something this week after college and i got no reply back, but yet today she was chatty to me and normal.

I have to say she has never ignored me in person and is she is a quiet girl and generally down to earth. What should I do?

Can anyone help me out please??

Jordo141

I hate to give this advice as it's really generic but you should really tell her your concerns.

From what I gather you seem pretty comfortable talking in person... It really seems like it's other means of conversation that are the problem.

Maybe you are too dependent on texting/Facebook... while she is the opposite?

Good luck in whatever happens.

Daftendirekt

I think for your own sanity, you should just ask her.

If she says yes, then great. If she says no, at least you'll know where you stand and you can stop worrying about it.

You've got nothing to lose either way.

zooropa2012

Thanks for advice, yes we are comfortable talking together in class that is, she has a swam of girls around her so difficult to get on her own, and yet last week I tried to be cold with her it didn't last we she was friendly to me. I haven't text her in over a week so I just see her in class, maybe I should leave it go and try get over it of she is playing games with me?, there is a class party coming up my only fear is if I see her meeting someone else that I think will crush me.

Daftendirekt

zooropa2012 wrote: »

Thanks for advice, yes we are comfortable talking together in class that is, she has a swam of girls around her so difficult to get on her own, and yet last week I tried to be cold with her it didn't last we she was friendly to me. I haven't text her in over a week so I just see her in class, maybe I should leave it go and try get over it of she is playing games with me?, there is a class party coming up my only fear is if I see her meeting someone else that I think will crush me.

Whatever you do, don't start playing games. It's no fun for anyone involved, and it might even end up driving her away.

Ultimately, it's up to you whether you make your move or not, but it sounds like the situation is getting you down needlessly. Frankly, something has to give.

I really think you should just go for it. Make a promise to yourself that no matter what, the next time you see her, you'll ask and be done with it. You'll feel great, whatever she says, and you won't end up wondering "what if" for the rest of your college life.

greenprincess

ya just ask her! you need to know either way least you can move on if your not interested

ButterflyABC

Ask her out! Just do it! If you like her go for it and ask her out. If she says no you have your answer. Youll feel better either way as at least you have tried. Good luck!!

Novella

To be perfectly honest OP, if I were you, I'd try to move on at this stage.

zooropa2012 wrote: »

she has a tendency to be hot or cold with me, sometimes putting kissing at the end of messages and then other times just not replying a after a few texts.

If I'm really interested in a guy, I will reply to his messages. I think it's the same with most people. You just want to talk to the person you like, right? If I'm not interested, it is likely I won't reply or will only continue conversation for a short while.

I have often got drunken texts of her being flirty.

I dunno, if she's only flirty when she's drunk, maybe she is shy or maybe she's just looking for a little ego boost and knows you'll provide it. I think she'd flirt with you when she was sober if she truly liked you. You've said you've kissed and been intimate so she can't be that shy at this stage.

I was texting her last night for example and I asked if she wanted to do something this week after college and i got no reply back,

If she texted you and asked you did you want to do something, would you ignore her? I doubt it, 'cause it's not exactly the done thing when you have feelings for someone, is it?

What should I do?

Find someone who deserves your attention and time and has the decency to reply to you when you invite them out.

zooropa2012

Novella, yea it seems to be once we went back to college the texting has gone dead alright when i have initiated them. Haven spoken to other friends they said she just wants the best of both worlds and have me to fall back on when the college social life has died down towards the summer exams. I noticed today she was off with me slightly, but tomorrow she could be full of chat to me. (Just to point out she has being flirty when sober and was up on till recently)


I know its my own fault for getting myself in this position, i have just stupidly left it go on in hope because i felt there was always the chance we be together.
I think now I have come to the conclusion I should walk away and move on and if she really wants me she should be realizing that by now. The signals are that she doesn't want to be tied down. I will still be her friend of course but I have to draw the line and resist the temptation to fall into her trap.

Novella

zooropa2012 wrote: »

Novella, yea it seems to be once we went back to college the texting has gone dead alright when i have initiated them. Haven spoken to other friends they said she just wants the best of both worlds and have me to fall back on when the college social life has died down towards the summer exams. I noticed today she was off with me slightly, but tomorrow she could be full of chat to me. (Just to point out she has being flirty when sober and was up on till recently)


I know its my own fault for getting myself in this position, i have just stupidly left it go on in hope because i felt there was always the chance we be together.
I think now I have come to the conclusion I should walk away and move on and if she really wants me she should be realizing that by now. The signals are that she doesn't want to be tied down. I will still be her friend of course but I have to draw the line and resist the temptation to fall into her trap.

It's not your fault and you haven't been stupid. We all fall for people who don't like us as much as we like them, it's just something that happens. It can be a hard thing to see as well so don't beat yourself up about it.

You just deserve to get back what you give and I mean, this girl isn't even bothered responding to you at times, ya know? The way I see it is, the beginning is meant to be the fun, easy part and if it's already causing you to lose sleep, you have to question if it's worth it. It wouldn't be for me.

zooropa2012

Yea I understand what your saying Novella, Its just that little bit harder when I see her in class to put it out of my mind, I had a good week this we even laugh and joke which brought back some normality, although I felt sick when I overheard a conversation with her mates plus seeing her tagged with another guy on Facebook not a nice feeling.
Its funny I never been this out of sorts about a girl before, I usually can take the bullet fine and move on, this time i'm struggling!.

I need to stay strong especially next week when there is a class party planned, any suggestion how to enjoy my night without feeling down or on edge about it in her company?.

karaokeman

Tbh I think you should still at least try and ask her out.

I'm not disagreeing with the posters who said she likes you but whatever way it goes you will always regret it if she's taken that you never took the chance to bite the bullet.

I've liked girls before that I was too chicken to ask out, I eventually got over my feelings and liked them just as friends. But even so I always thought how I should have done this when it was the right time.

Try and not get too worked up over seeing pictures of her with other guys on facebook. The internet can be really damaging to a person's self esteem if it takes over, I wouldn't take too much of it to heart. Just act yourself if your in a group she's in (Eg a class party).

She may like you or she may not. It will be over when you've made the first step and if you'll be prepared to move on to the next girl if it doesn't work out then your well sorted.

zooropa2012

Try and not get too worked up over seeing pictures of her with other guys on facebook. The internet can be really damaging to a person's self esteem if it takes over, I wouldn't take too much of it to heart. Just act yourself if your in a group she's in (Eg a class party).

Yea I am on a Facebook diet for a week or two, I have realised now how it can drive one insane!. She has seemed to have changed her tone with me a little more friendly and smiley and chatty, strangely I have caught her giving me blank stares not sure what she means by them.. I was a bit cold with her on Monday and then Tuesday she was quick to talk me in class., still there has being no texting between us, I am bit unsure whether to text her again in case she doesn't reply again.

We are both going to a house party tomorrow and we kind of know each of us is going but we haven't spoken about it together. Again is shy she or just not interested? her friends seem clueless about it. I hope the night will go OK without any awkwardness??

juansheet

Howd u get on?

Ickle Magoo

juansheet, PI should not be used as a source of entertainment - please do not request that posters come back and update threads to satiate your curiosity.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

zooropa2012

Found out that she doesn't want a relationship right now and she felt uncomfortable about it, I sent her a lengthy text saying that I wasn't trying to push her into anything, and if she doesn't have feelings for me tell me etc, she didn't reply to my message at all, but yet made a big effort to talk to me like nothing happened today. Why she just wouldn't say 'listen i'd rather be friends' to me rather than ignoring it would be much more simplistic.

Not ready for a relationship i guess is another way saying I'd rather be friends?

I was advised to cut contact with her and just be civil to her in person?

muracan

Talk to her face to face, lose the texting !
Straight talking never hurt anyone!
Find out once and for all where you stand.
Good luck!