Family Member Addicted To Prescription Medication

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this to protect my family members identity

Basically after an injury my Aunt was prescribed pain relief which she has been abusing for the last five years or so. She was prescribed (from finding and large amount of empty packets lying around) Oxycontin/ oxymorin. No attempt has been made to wean her off these tablets but then she is the master of deception and seems to be able to fool doctors in order to get more prescriptions. After years of abuse she has lost all will and interest in everything and everyone, she has secluded herself from all family members and prefers to spend time alone in unsanitary and lonely surroundings. She is extremely hard to engage in normal conversation and although she is a very intelligent woman she now behaves like a child and seems to be unable to make sense and complete normal everyday tasks.

After five years of this it is increasingly hard to maintain a relationship as I don't even know who this woman is anymore. She hasn't been the woman I knew in a long time. It is quite obvious that she has no desire or will to wash, dress or properly feed herself. She is an attractive, intelligent and loving woman who once took pride in her appearance and loved her family and grandchildren dearly but now she is a shadow of her former self.

I am finding this so frustrating and upsetting to deal with as there is no speaking to her, she goes from doctor to doctor getting prescriptions and doesn't seem to think or admit she has a problem yet when she has run out of meds she shakes and sweats uncontrollably. (obv from withdrawl) Now I've tried to research these meds and from what I can gather they are highly addictive, opium based pills and have withdrawl effects that can be dangerous if she just completely stops taking them.

Basically it seems this type of addiction is a grey area in this country, I can only find info about alcohol or narcotic abuse (i.e. heroin and cocaine) it seems unless someone is an out and out junkie on a street corner then it is harder to seek advice. I am wondering if there are any good organisations who can help me deal with the anger, fear and upset this is putting myself and my family through.

I've threatened to speak to doctors to get her cut off, but she said she will do harm to herself if I do. I have tried the tough love approach by paying no attention, making no contact but the guilt just eats away at me, if something happened to her or she was found dead I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I've tried to be more involved explaining the dangers to her, I've tried to involve her in family life but she constantly has an excuse not to make the effort or cause disruption so she can leave. She insists she doesn't take that many and is cutting down but the trail of empty packets tell another story. Next step would be some sort of family intervention but how? If someone could give some advice where to seek help or info or even if anyone has had similar experiences I would be most grateful to hear them. Thanks in advance and apologies for the long post!

Morag

I would suggest that you contact the local health nurse at the clinic nearest to your aunt.
Go speak with them and arrange for them to call out to where she is living, so they can see your aunt and the conditions. They will know what proceedures/services can be put in place.

username123

Atmywittsend wrote: »

I am wondering if there are any good organisations who can help me deal with the anger, fear and upset this is putting myself and my family through.......Next step would be some sort of family intervention but how?

Hi OP.
My father suffered from alcoholism and when I first began to recognise that there was a real problem that was impacting on other family members lives, plus risking his own health I felt the same way you are coming across in your post. I too researched like mad and looked for help everywhere.

However, long story short, I contacted the Rutland Centre in Knocklyon by phone and they advised me on the mechanics of a family intervention - they were very helpful but also blunt - an intervention may only drive the addiction further underground. But its worth a try.

I also contacted my fathers GP directly and it turned out he had known my father was an alcoholic for years but he was helpful in the regard of giving my father very direct lectures regarding his health.

For yourself and your family, you must find out if there is a drug support group equivalent to Alanon - to support the people affected by someone elses addiction. If there isnt a direct equivalent locally Alanon would be helpful also. The Rutland Centre, or indeed any treatment centre should be able to advise you on such groups in your area.

Best of luck.

qwertytlk

You sound as though you could do with some support yourself. For this, there is a fantastic organisation called al-anon. It is similar to aa/na but it is a support group not for the addicted but for the family members/friends of those with addictions. They have meetings all over the country so if this is something that would interest you then you should do a quick google search for meetings in your area and go along to one. There will be lots of people there dealing with friends, childrens parents and siblings addictions to a vast range of drugs-illegal and prescription and alcohol so you will get alot of good advice, support and encouragement. Another thing you could do is speak with your gp, you dont have to name the person r give specifics but they would a good person to advise you on the situation as they deal with this type of thing on a regular basis. Or as another poster suggested the public health nurse would be another good person to discuss this with.
As far as the driug your aunt is abusing goes, i believe addiction to it is quite widespread in america so you may find sme good info on the us sites. Or anything relating to heroin, methadone or any other opiate addiction should be helpful also as it is a smiliar type of addiction as they are both opiates so have similar side affects etc.
I hope this has been of some help to you and i hope you reach out to alanon or another addiction support great as i think it would be hugely benificial to you.
Best of luck with it all.

LegacyUser

I have a brother addicted to opiate painkillers and other narcotics. I tried everything; pleading, threatening and tough love. When I decided to go further it almost had me killed! He was livid, agitated and very violent. I am not sure what your aunt is capable of doing. Please do not go to the docs if that is what you are thinking of really doing unless you are ready to accept the consequences that may come out of it. I contacted all the doctors on his pill bottles and even gone to every chemist in town to have him blacklisted. Don't put yourself through this s***e because you don't need the added drama and stress. I don't want to come across as mean or insensitive but don't obsess over her addiction. You need to show your aunt that you care but that she and her addiction is not the centre of your universe. If everyone in the family can do the same would be great also. She will learn to see that you are supportive while not being overbearing. She will come to you when she is ready. As hard as it is you are going to have to let go because if you don't you are going to get sick with fatigue, anger and frustration. So when the time comes and she wants help (if she does take her immediately as they change their minds very fast!) you won't be so exhausted and end up not being able to help. The only advice that would be good is to establish boundaries and be prepared. Tell her what is acceptable and what is not and once she acts on the issues that are not acceptable you have to follow through with your plans. These plans can be anywhere from speaking to a counsellor, her GP, treatment whatever. Research facilities and counsellors in your area and call them and see what needs to be done and what appointments need to be made because there can be wait times.

If she ever threatens her life again don't be shy - call the guards! What could happen is that she may admit her behaviour is irrational and she decide on help. I never thought in my wildest dreams my brother would react the way he did. He was arrested, jailed and forced into treatment. Even with forced treatment it did not work and he still has problems and tbh, I had to learn to stop caring. It's not that I don't love my brother but I did all that I could do. I had to learn to accept this and move on. If he really wants to stop he will and this goes with your aunt as well. No one can stop someone from using even if its their kids, spouse, relatives, friends. The only person that can make them stop is themselves really.

I preferred Smart Recovery more than Alanon. They use cognitive behavioural therapy and Alanon is 12 steps. Smart has online meetings, forums and a 24/7 chatroom that you can speak with others for support. I am not impressed with 12 steps mainly because they put all the responsiblity on the higher power and always use the term powerless. I really didn't buy into that theory. If someone wants to stop they will, end of story.

Prescription drug abuse is on the rise here. There may not be many online resources in Ireland but there are more in the UK and North America. Do an internet search but let me warn you; if it is one of those rehab centres avoid their sites like the plague and do not call them or email them as they will not stop bothering you. They are nothing more than money making institutions trying to sell false promises. Look for non profit organisations and government websites. Prescription drug addiction are either opiates (OxyContin, morphine, codeine, hydrocodone, etc) or benzodiazepine (Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Valium etc). Even the pharmaceutical company would have information regarding addiction, withdrawals and long term effects. Best of luck and sorry my post is so long!!! Hang in there xx

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the responses, apologies for not being on but I couldn't reply anon on mobile. I suppose I should mention it is actually my mother going through this, I said my Aunt so friends/ posters wouldnt recognise me.

Thanks especially to unregaswell, honestly so much of your post I can relate to, reading what you have been through with your brother has offered a lot of guidance. It has helped to know that someone else has experienced this. I will take a look into the organisation Smart Recovery and I understand what you mean about the money making organisations. My mother spent time in one of these places but was able to tell them what meds she needed and ended up worse than she went in. They didnt care once they got paid the extortionate fee each week.

I had a long talk with my mam, I basically told her the effect this is having on me and our family and for the first time I broke down, something I have never done in front of her. I think this may have shocked her some what. She has promised that her main doctor has cut her down and she will gradually come off these pills, she is now living with another family member and not on her own as she had been. (This has happened before, she got bored and ran back to her own place)To be honest I've heard it all before so I'm not very hopeful, nor is my sister.

I will continue to be there and try to salvage some level of relationship but honestly I feel like I don't even want to be around her. Seeing her the way she is annoys the hell out of me, behaving like a child and pretending she doesn't know whats going on is frustrating. I care for people with physical and intellectual disabilities who have such a great quality of life and such will to make the best of their lives. Yet my mam is sitting around watching life pass her by. I actually wondered for a while if maybe she was developing alziemers but she isn't, when shes not on the meds shes completly with-it.

I totally agree that if someone wants to stop only they can do it, I just wish she would. For now I will look into seeking advice for myself and my sister.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond it has helped a lot.

gaa131

In my opinion and based on what you've said, this woman sounds chronically and seriously depressed - I think this is a much more of a problem than her addiction which is a symptom.

She doesn't care anymore and wants as little contact with reality as possible - hence the meds.

Personally, if it was my Mother, I would try to persuade her to enter a psych facility or rehab centre such as the Rutland for treatment - she needs a lot of help, care and love. I don't mean to sound harsh but all you've mentioned is the effect this is having on your life and that of your sister - what about your Mother? A doctor cannot give you any information whatsoever about your Mother without her express permission - she is an adult not a child.

If she doesn't want to wash, engage or live properly that is ultimatelyher prerogative, but it isn't the way a mentally fit person would wish to live hence the safe assumption that she is mentally ill.

Beruthiel

gaa131

Do not make medical diagnosis on this site.
You are not qualified or trained to do so and it is irresponsible to make a prognosis on someone over the internet.

gaa131

How do you know what I'm qualifed at or trained to do? Whatever about a diagnosis, I have no idea what the prognosis will be!

In my view, based on the content of the posts, this lady is seriously depressed and needs professional help.

Taltos

gaa131 - you are being given this warning for the following reasons.

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2. FAQ as per Beruthial's initial warning: "Don't diagnose anyone on the site either. You simply can’t and we don’t want you doing it. Don't do it."

If you have not already done so please review our Charter and site FAQ.

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Thanks
Taltos

Daisy M

Personally speaking I would make your mums gp my first port of call. Make him/her aware of what is going on and see if there is anyway he can alert other local gps and pharmacies to the situation.
Is there a hobby that your mum used to enjoy? Even if it is only something like walking or bingo maybe you can start to take her once a week and build up her interests a little help her to start living and enjoying life again. Please make sure you dont take on all responsibility for this ask your family for help and take care of yourself too.

LegacyUser

Hello atmywittssend,

Atmywittsend wrote: »

She has promised that her main doctor has cut her down and she will gradually come off these pills, she is now living with another family member and not on her own as she had been. (This has happened before, she got bored and ran back to her own place)To be honest I've heard it all before so I'm not very hopeful, nor is my sister.

Actions speak louder than words. All you can really do at this point is wait and see if she is telling the truth.

Atmywittsend wrote: »

I will continue to be there and try to salvage some level of relationship but honestly I feel like I don't even want to be around her. Seeing her the way she is annoys the hell out of me, behaving like a child and pretending she doesn't know whats going on is frustrating.

Then don't be around her. I know it sounds heartless but she needs to understand that she is not the centre of your universes and that you have lives with responsibilities too. You and your sister cannot be giving your mam all the attention because it is putting the power into her hands. She needs to see that your lives are proceeding forward whilst hers is stagnant due to her addiction which is her choice btw!

Atmywittsend wrote: »

I totally agree that if someone wants to stop only they can do it, I just wish she would. For now I will look into seeking advice for myself and my sister.

This is the best decision! At least it was for me. You need to learn more about addiction. There is so much you will learn from these meetings. Everything from taking care of yourself, to stop enabling and what steps to take to make things less difficult for you and your sister and your mam.

I would like to comment on this person's post if I may.

gaa131 wrote: »

In my opinion and based on what you've said, this woman sounds chronically and seriously depressed - I think this is a much more of a problem than her addiction which is a symptom.

She doesn't care anymore and wants as little contact with reality as possible - hence the meds.

Addiction is about self medicating and avoidance. It is a biopsychosocial syndrome which it affects the health, psyche and everyone around associated with it (the addict and family). It can stem from undiagnosed or diagnosed but untreated mental illness. As far as the OP’s mother this can turn into the "chicken or egg" debate. What came first the depression that caused the addiction or the addiction that caused the depression? Some class of prescription meds are depressants (opiates and benzos). So no one can really tell what is going on until she stops using. Even if the OP stated that:

Atmywittsend wrote: »

Yet my mam is sitting around watching life pass her by. I actually wondered for a while if maybe she was developing alziemers but she isn't, when shes not on the meds shes completly with-it.

So we are not sure what the problem is.

gaa131 wrote: »

Personally, if it was my Mother, I would try to persuade her to enter a psych facility or rehab centre such as the Rutland for treatment - she needs a lot of help, care and love.

Also remember, the OP mentioned her mam has been through treatment already only to manipulate the facility for more drugs which proves she is not ready to stop yet. I am sure if she attended an ethical facility this would not have happened. Many of these facilities are cash cows and it’s a multibillion dollar industry in America alone! I do agree if she wants treatment to send her someplace else. As many people complain about government run facilities, many do not realise that they are certified and not profit making machines. Most not all private ones are run by eejits with no professionalism or credentials. A bloody auto mechanic can open one of these centres and run it!

gaa131 wrote: »

I don't mean to sound harsh but all you've mentioned is the effect this is having on your life and that of your sister - what about your Mother? A doctor cannot give you any information whatsoever about your Mother without her express permission - she is an adult not a child.

I do not want to sound harsh also. Yes her mother is suffering but what about the families? They are not suffering as well? The OP has every right to vent her frustrations! You cannot imagine how stressful this is making her and her sister feel. If anything it is not the addict that is powerless it is usually the families that have tried and exhausted all methods to try to stop this chaos. There have been many that have become disillusioned with the process and even sick from anger, fatigue and frustration! Addictions affects family members just as much as the addict and even breaks families apart. I agree the mother needs help and counselling. It will happen only under her own volition. The OP expressed to her mam how her addiction is affecting the family. In the end it is the mother that decides if she wants it to stop. The mother is an adult not a child and knows what she is doing to herself. All the OP and her sister can do is be there for her when she asks for help.

Addiction is a choice even those in recovery admit to this. It was their choice to self-medicate it was their choice not to be responsible for taking their medication AS PRESCRIBED! They chose drugs or alcohol even knowing the impact of their behaviour it has on the family. If it were not for organisations like SMART or Alanon I do not know how some even make it without literally losing it. You have no idea how exhausting emotionally and physically this can be to someone especially if it is someone that we really care about.

gaa131 wrote: »

If she doesn't want to wash, engage or live properly that is ultimately her prerogative, but it isn't the way a mentally fit person would wish to live hence the safe assumption that she is mentally ill.

Addiction does this too and it is a mental illness. Drugs, alcohol and other compulsive disorders have profound effects on the brain. Google it and learn about the effects of long term drug and alcohol abuse. Addiction is almost a form of subconcious suicide, hence the term drinking or drugging to death. This is why it is hard for many to stop but it does not mean that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I have met people who have been using for over 20 years and to wake up one morning and just stop. They told me that they were sick and tired being sick and tired. Learning about the science of addiction has taught me many things. I give my deepest respects and admiration to those that have been able to overcome it.

If this OP and her sister does not let go and move on all they are going to do is stress themselves out to the point that they will end up sick themselves. Letting go prevents the exhaustion, fatigue and frustration so when the time comes around that their mam wants help they will be able to help her instead of say f*** off because they had enough.