Working out where a new relationship is going...Guys opinion?

LegacyUser

Hey folks,

I'm hoping someone might be able to read this and help me out a lil.

started dating a guy who is a friend of a friend about 6 weeks ago (2 of which weeks he spent in France for Christmas), coincidentally he lives in the same apt complex as me which is probably good but it seems to have killed off our motivation to go on nice fancy dates or actually make any plans to see eachother - 80% of the time it's a last minute text "want to come over for a movie" - I've suggested we go out and he agreed but he doesn't really ask me out in advance, it's if we both happen to be home and not busy - one will go over to the other. He messages me or calls me every single day thoug - unlike other guys I've been with he will sometimes just end a conversation what feels like prematurely and I won't hear from him till lunch the next day - that's ok - I respect that he does have a busy life and so have i.

Here's the other thing - which I find the most strange; though I understand I'm basing this on my own previous relationships so maybe it's not that strange at all. For some reason, even though we've spent loads and loads of time together now and we started sleeping together about a week ago.....neither of us have said anything about what we want, where the r/ship is going, is it a relationship, what do we want, when was our last relationship, or anything relationship or ex based at all!! I want to bring it up, I'm interested in knowing more about him but for some reason the words just won't come out of my mouth

In some ways I like it, it's like a fresh start with no baggage - though I am a little worried.

I asked him this morning based on us not going out and stuff that I wanted to clarify that it wasn't a casual sex or fwb situation as I needed to check and he said "I wouldn't have said it was" He was nice about it, told me I was right to speak my mind and when I said I didn't want to seem difficult he said I was ok.

Might also be useful to add that the last r/ship I had was a year long and I found out that he had been sleeping with his ex girlfriend the entire time he was with me....I didn't have a clue and although it didn't upset me as I didn't feel I'd lost anything significant (I wanted to get as far away from him as fast as I could) that was last February and I know that on some levels I have avoided getting involved with any other guys and being with this guy now I feel like I probably have trust issues - which I can't explain to him if we are never going to discuss exes..

I suppose I'm just wondering if from a guys point of view this is normal or should I try find out more about what's going on - FWIW he's been lovely to me - comes over and makes me breakfast, contacted me everyday when he was in France even though we'd only been seeing eachother for 2 weeks before he left, brought me home a gift and is just a really nice person to be around - but I think in prevoius r/ships I've been in guys have laid all their cards on the table and told me they wanted me/been bessotted etc
Am I right to be scared?

fungun

seems normal enough to me tbh and he sounds interested, dont see why you would be worried really

I asked him this morning based on us not going out and stuff that I wanted to clarify that it wasn't a casual sex or fwb situation as I needed to check and he said "I wouldn't have said it was" He was nice about it, told me I was right to speak my mind and when I said I didn't want to seem difficult he said I was ok.

imo in that sentence "I wouldnt have said it was" = i am awkwardly saying i want more than a casual thing

btw i hope you asked him in a nicer way - Why wouldnt you just ask something cutely...like when you are cuddled up together, cutely say 'so am i allowed to call you my boyfriend' or somesuch nice way. As opposed to - if someone 'wanted to clarify that it wasn't a casual sex or fwb situation', id kinda be worried that she has done that before. Is it that common really? Just sounds so blunt and unromantic to me.

LegacyUser

I asked him based on a few things that have happened. I'd love to feel comfortable enough to say what you suggested - but I would feel like I was putting pressure on him which I would hate....I don't mind if I'm not his girlfriend for a while but I don't wanna be sleeping with him if it's not going to lead to anything.

I think he knows by me that I wouldn't get in to a fwb r/ship....I do wish I'd asked him in a better way now having read your post but he was nice about it so hopefully I get a chance to apologise soon

nowyouresix

I hate to put a spanner in the works, but are you not a fwb as it is? I mean he calls and you pop in to his....makes it easy, too accessible. It 's early stages in your relationship, and honestly I think from what you said that you are way too accessible for him, he'll take u for granted and be happy with not having to put the effort in, and you'll very much remain fwb. In order for him to realise what he wants, he has got to miss you a bit, see that you are busy and not too easily available. Women think differently to men! You are probably two chapters forward in your head compared to him. One thing I would really recommend is doing things outside your apartments together, not to get sucked in to this instant relationship where you come across as needy, however unintentional.
Anyway not sure if that makes sense to you, but good luck anyway!!!