Lost...

LegacyUser

Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday after 3 years together. I saw it coming but my heart is still broken. The stresses of her job and my unemployment seem to be the main cause of the breakup.

We started off long distance, after 2 years I moved up to the town she lives in. We lived together for 6 months but due to unemployment I moved back home again, as did she. To be honest, toward the end of the 6 months we drifted apart and when moving home I kind of knew it was going to break us, I hoped it wouldn't but knew it would.

It was me that brought about the break up. I knew she didn't want to be with me, I'd imagine sh didn't want to hurt me and was afraid to do it so I took it in my own hands. There was no fight or anything, I just pointed out the obvious, we agreed it wasn't working.

My problem is, hours after the break up I get a message saying "it's not the end, I promise"

When we were breaking up she asked me not to cut all ties, I said I wasn't sure what to do. This is the girl I was to marry, the girl who was to have my kids, how could I cut all ties... On the other hand, if I'm not with her I don't think I could be friends with her even though we have been best friends for so long, I'm just so lost. I've been in relationships before, I've been dumped before but this, this is killing me. With such a distance between us how could we get back together? Could we ever get back to where we were 8 months ago, on top of the world? I love her so much, I have never loved anyone like this before, how do I just move on?

Mates have said just forget and move on, maybe they're right but how can I forget the only person I ever truely loved?

I sound lik a sap, suppose that's why I went unreg but I feel **** and just need to get it out of me!

miss dublin

look i know how u feel, thats what happened me with my ex..it didnt finish badly but he always told me if we ever broke up he wouldnt be able to still speak to me as it would hurt too much...true to his word he hasnt, ive gotten a hello alright, but sometimes u may have to cut all ties because it will never end. it sounds like u need a bit of space, a week or two with no contact and some head space u will know what the next step is hope ur ok!!!

Mini2011

Breakups have to be one of the worst experience ever!! It's never easy. You wouldn't be human if u were finding this easy. Very hard to cut ties but this is the only way to start moving on.

She prob didn't mean to lead you on but that text is unfair. She's unsure also and I feel that is just reassurance for herself that if she changes her mindyou'll be there.

I just had similar break up and I wasn't extremely hurt when my ex called it off as I knew it wasn't going to work but didn't have the courage to end it and hurt him. Also guilty in the first 2 wks of talking to him at trying to work it out and how we'd end up back together. It was selfish of me coz I now believe I did it for my reassurance that he'd wait around. I finished it complete shortly after as I wouldn't do that to him. Wouldn't like it done to myself.

Look, bottom line is ye have broken up and it's still raw, hard to break the habit. Best way is no contact. Hardest thing ever for you at the moment bout the best thing.

I had a nasty break up years ago and the minute I took that no contact advise was the beginning of me getting over it.

It might take a while to get over and sounds like you really loved her. But it sounds like the relationship had fizzled.

Just look after yourself and try to keep yourself busy. If she really wants it to work she would have done something sooner by now. Don't wait around for a decision to be made. Get on with things and you may be surprised what might turn up. Hope you feel better soon!

nlk

I have recently gone through a breakup after 8 years with someone and I am slightly evangelical about the benefits of no contact.

Like you, my ex was my best friend. I couldn't imagine him not being in my life; however I quickly realised that by staying in contact with him I would never move on. It gives you the space for reflection and self focus that you can't have being in touch with someone.

Thing with no contact is that you don't really have anything to lose but everything to gain. Sure you will miss her and the first few weeks will be very difficult but gradually you get used to not contacting the other person and you start to feel more like yourself and less like half of something.

Once you have gone through this process if you still feel like giving it another shot you can approach her but the thing about cutting contact is that in most cases you don't feel like going back, just moving forward. If you want to get over her no contact is the way to do it.

I wish you all the best with what ever you decide.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks all for the messages, deep down I know that no contact is best, just finding it hard. Wonder if she's thinking about me!?

I'm just gonna leave it for a few weeks, focus on the rest of my life and take a break from relationships. I went from a 3 year relationship almost straight into this one so for the last 6 years I've always had someone to talk to, text, call etc. I have loads of friends but no one I can really talk to, hence posting here. It's probably lonliness more than anything but I have plenty to keep me busy

hopefully after a few weeks I'll start to forget, even though I don't want to