Why can nobody be bothered with me?

LegacyUser

I'm a single female in my twenties. From the outside, I have a very full life. I'm generally happy, I work hard, I enjoy myself. I have a wide range of interests. I have a few social circles and I fit in reasonably well with them. However, I recently noticed one thing and it's really getting me down.

I'm always the first to contact any friends. I'm always the one to initiate plans. People do reply to me and seem ready and willing to get together. They seem to enjoy the activities I suggest, but it does bother me that nobody ever contacts me first. If I'm honest, it makes me feel worthless.

Just to be clear, I don't contact anyone obsessively. I'm not looking to hang out every second night. My interests are largely in keeping with those of my acquaintances, and for the most part I seem to click with these people.

I wonder if it's that people just don't think of me at all. I also wonder if I just seem like I don't need people. It is possible that they dislike me, but I really don't think that's it.

I've tried making no contact for a while. It just leads to my own loneliness. It's not that I'm waiting by the phone all day. If anyone has any advice or wisdom to share, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd just like to feel even a little bit significant to someone.

LegacyUser

I know where you're coming from, felt like that myself before. I'd say first off count out the idea that they aren't bothered about hanging around with you. There are plenty of reasons why this could be happening and that's not to say it's ok, because there is still a certain amount of neglect involved, but I would try not to take it too personally.

If any of them are in serious relationships, that tends to become the priority and they may not think to organise things with friends. They might get so caught up in work that they don't think of their friends. Some of them probably don't bother because they figure you'll do the leg work in organising. I know i've been guilty of all of the above on occasion myself, although not meaning to be!

I'm sure for the most part they really appreciate your efforts in arranging things and they probably like you all the more for it. When you hit your twenties, friends drift apart, though, and it sounds like you have a large circle. It might be time to pare them down a bit, stay in contact with everyone but maybe focus on socialising mainly with a core group you are closer to and let the others include themselves or not.

If you're not ready to let people go, i suppose you'll have to begin to confront them about the issue. Hope this has been helpful.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I can totally relate to you. I sometimes come back to my phone after forgetting about it for hours, or even a whole day, and see no messages etc. I always think to myself that line from Bridget Jones diary "you have no friends" (along those lines anyway).. I think that other people would have a text or two in the space of a day. I sometimes take it to heart that friends don't contact me first, and like you I am always the one inititating stuff with them. It's as though I am not missed. but I think I have it figured...
Its' because I'm a little quiet at times, and I suppose I'm not one of those 'life and soul' sort of people, the kind of person everyone wants a bit of... But you know thats ok too.

One of the things you could do is when you are in the company of friends, be more and more chatty, and become more interesting to people you meet. Even with new aquaintances, make more and more suggestions, invite them over for dinner, make yourself and fun and interesting person to be around, and then you'll find in time that they will want to be around you more and more.

the other thing is, if you're around me age (30), then you'll find friends settling down one by one. that's life. but you can always make new friends...

hope Iv'e helped a little

Ifeelthesame

Hi all

I feel the same a lot recently with work colleagues who I thought were my friends, there is a group of us both male and female who all take breaks together.

Feel very left out a lot of the time as there are always conversations/jokes that they have obviously been chatting about between themselves that I know nothing about.

I find that one person in particular (a man, I'm female) makes me feel very isolated when the others are around but if theres no-one else to chat to he is like a different person, makes a real effort to chat to me, couldnt be nicer.

I am finding it harder and harder to actually make any effort with these people but like you OP, I end up feeling even more lonely and feel like I am giving them reason to leave me out of things, its a vicious circle.

OP just wanted to post and let you know that you are not alone and I know it helps me to get things of my chest in here.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying. I must apologise for the trivial nature of my issue.

My circles are actually quite small. Most of these people are not in any relationship. Most of them are people I met in my late teens and early twenties, so not childhood or school friends. I'm quite chatty - I'm definitely not a shrinking violet.

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, but there's very little I wouldn't give to have someone who would indicate in some way, shape or form that I mean anything at all to them.

Ifeelthesame

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, but there's very little I wouldn't give to have someone who would indicate in some way, shape or form that I mean anything at all to them.

I agree, it wouldnt take much, hopefully we both get some sign to show us that we are valued as a friend.

CyberJuice

i dont see the problem here,you have friends that whenever you ring them up they jump at the chance and go out with you and you have good times..

anytime you make plans people come along and have good crack with you, you go out alot and have many things to be thankfor for..

so why is there any issue here?i dont see it.

as for you saying you want someone to show interest in you and be the first to ring you to go out or watever or feel loved,i dont think this is a girfriend issue,i think you need to get a boyfriend and im sure he will be riniging you first and askin u to go places and such ,then u wont even think twice about these girls,u wont care if they dont text u for a week or 2 weeks coz youll be busy and all loved up with your boyfriend..

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

It's not as simple as friendship versus relationship. It's also not that people exactly jump at the chance to see me. I wouldn't say that I go out a lot. However, it's not that there are plans that don't involve me.

It is the case that I have friends. They usually contact me back when I contact them. They come along when I suggest plans (which are usually small affairs involving 2 or 3 of us). For the sake of sharing information, they're about 50% female, 50% male. Most of these acquaintances are from separate circles/areas of my life.

It's largely a case of knowing that people in general bother with each other and wondering why people never bother with me. It's not about feeling loved. It's about feeling even a little bit valued or wanted. You may not see the issue, CyberJuice, but it's actually crushing me a little.

baby and crumble

OP, I'm quite like you. People are happy to come along if I suggest a meal, or drinks or whatever, but rarely organise it themselves. What I have come to realise is that I'm the organiser of the group- it simply doesn't enter their heads to organise something, when they know I will.

But right now I have better things to be doing than getting everyone together, so I've stopped organising things like that. And lo and behold, people have started sorting themselves out and inviting me along to things!

In your case, OP I honestly don't think it's the case that they don't want you around, or else they'd all have plans when you text or call to organise something. They've just gotten lazy because you organise everything!!!

Colonel Panic

There is always someone in the group who's the arranger. I wouldn't feel so bad about it. I'm in a similar spot and sometimes resent it but does it really matter?

leggo

I think I get you OP. What you, perhaps, need to realise is that this is pretty normal for everyone. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but a large part of the problem is that you feel singled out (well, almost the opposite, you feel not singled out enough), as if everyone else would come back to their phone and have it inundated with texts.

I simply don't think this is the case...unless you're talking about, say, compulsive texters who'd have sent messages to half their phone book that morning and gotten replies. With most normal people, what you experience IS the norm. I know of people who will actually LEAVE notification badges on their iPhones etc so, if people see, it gives the impression that they've so many messages from people (no lie: a girl I know admitted this to me during the week when I asked her if all the badges didn't wind her up, because they drive me up the wall personally).

People who do constantly have texts/calls are usually from 2-3 people tops (significant others, their best friend, their mother etc). Anyone who argues differently, most of the time, is just trying to convince you they're SOOO popular and in demand. Feeling lonely is one of the few remaining taboos...yet everyone feels it now and then.

You're not alone. Your situation is not abnormal. I don't say this to detract from how you're feeling, but I feel this will bring you some comfort. When you take a step back and look at your situation with this in mind, I think you'll see things aren't so bad.

thefeatheredcat

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

I wonder if it's that people just don't think of me at all.

OP is it just regarding that nobody gets in contact to organise something, or is it that nobody contacts you even just to see how you are, that you are upset with?

You should take comfort and some happiness in your friends respond and enjoy what you organise and you should feel valued by that. Some people are great organisers and others just aren't, some people wing it when they go out and make very loose plans that may or may not materialise, taking it all as it comes, meeting people as they meet up or at the spur of the moment.

Having said that, if it's a bit more beyond organising and just feeling like nobody thinks of you to even initiate contact, just for general keeping up with you on how you are, don't let it get you down. Just value yourself and what you have to offer in friendships more.

LegacyUser

Okay, the last few replies have helped me feel a bit better! But the thing is, if I don't contact people, nothing happens. It's not a matter of letting them sort it out. This could be (in part) because my "group" consists of separate people, some of whom don't know each other at all.

Not that it's a great measure, but on New Years Eve (which I spent with family), I got one message.

I would dearly love to come to my phone some time and have a "How are you getting on?" or a "Let's meet for coffee".

I don't expect to be flooded, but I'd just love to know that I'm not contacting people unwantedly. Nobody's given the impression I have, and I tend to contact people relatively rarely, but it does make me wonder.

Jenneke87

Hey Lonely,

Your story could have been mine. For reasons still unknown to me, unless I suggest night outs or text people, I will not see or hear from anybody I know. This made me sad at times(and it still does) because just like you, it made me feel that they couldn't be bothered with me, or that perhaps they only tagged along out of pity or something. It made the relationships I had feel one-sided and at one point I became tired of it. Due to that, some have sizzled out and have been replaced with people who are more pro-active in their relationships. It shouldn't be up to one person to organize everything, it always made me feel clingy as I felt like I was calling or texting them yet again. Maybe it's a good idea to widen your social circle a bit and see if it yields result

thefeatheredcat

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

Not that it's a great measure, but on New Years Eve (which I spent with family), I got one message.

I would dearly love to come to my phone some time and have a "How are you getting on?" or a "Let's meet for coffee".

I know what you mean OP. I was often the one that instigated dropping texts to friends if I didn't hear from them in a while (as lived in different places, different work hours) just to see how they were, keep in touch, arrange stuff, find of what's changed in life and things like that.

It got to a point a few years ago with a few friends that I found I was the one doing all the work and one year when I went completely quiet due to some personal problems I was really upset by the fact that nobody noticed! I was fairly crushed by it, like for example some were having difficulties with snow and there I was checking if they were alright if they got home safe etc, and then when I was in the same situation, especially when it was so publically on the news where I was I didn't get 1 text just to see if was ok. It got me really down and on a difficult road to eventually realize they weren't really worth the kindness of my thought when it seemed clear to me that even if they did think of me of wonder how I was, they never acted on it. It was enough to cut ties with those friendships as I saw that while they cared enough when I made contact they didn't care enough beyond that to make contact themselves if I didn't, and that wasn't enough for me to accept that.

What you need to see in yourself OP, if you can relate to that for your issue, is YOU are the thoughtful one that takes the action, whether it's to touch base, make plans or ask how someone is getting on. That is a lot to value in yourself.

I spent this New Years with family.... The only text I got was from my sister. I was really happy with that, for the simple reason the people that really mattered to me, who have spent time with me, who have made time for me, who value me were the ones either there with me, or those that sent me a message.

Maybe it's not directly what you mean, but the main message is don't let it get you down. Expand your horizons with people and you'll find people who will openly reciprocate and show care in showing that they think of you by making contact and keeping contact.

CyberJuice

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

Not that it's a great measure, but on New Years Eve (which I spent with family), I got one message.

I think your too much worried about recieving texts and phonecalls from people OP. i got no texts on new years eve and i have a large family,it didnt bother me..

maybe u just have bad friends,mayb u should go out and try find a new best friend that u will be thick as thieves with.,mayb u need to find a boyfriend,get married,have a child. because this is life and it doesnt get any better,it is what u make of it.no point gettin down about something as silly as one of your friend not texting you,you have your health you have your nights out you have your friends and family,of all the things that could be bad in your life,not recieving a text message or a phonecall every now and then from friends is not so bad when you put it into perspective..

make some new friends if your current ones are not fullfilling you,take a holiday abroad,join a gym.be more active about talking to new people. if you just keep carrying on as u are nothing wil lchange,u still wont get anymore first contact from your friends and youll still be upset about it this time next year

LegacyUser

Hi OP i can kind of relate to what you're saying. Sometimes I feel like I'm always the organiser for meals out, things like that.

2 of my friends would be quite close and have a lot in common so when it's just the 3 of us together I feel a bit like the 3rd wheel. Recently I was texting one of the girls and she mentioned how the other girl had been over in her house having tea and pizza and having a chat - yet she never bothered to ask me would I like to come too and there I was sitting on my todd at home!! I was pretty annoyed and hurt to be honest but I don't like to make a big issue about these things but I let her know subtly that I was annoyed (in a kind of jokey way) but hopefully she got the message.

I thought of all the times I booked restaurants for meals etc. We went out for womens little Christmas recently and I booked the restaurant for 7 of us and then at the last minute 2 dropped out (well 1 was sick which is fair enough) but the other girl (after saying to me that she was all up for it etc) turns around and says sorry but she forgot that she had agreed to go the cinema with this other girl (who she sees about once every 2 months) and couldn't make it - she had told me a WEEK beforehand that she was available and everything was fine up until I booked it and of course then I got the text the night before to say she couldnt come - surely she didn't just remember there and then?! So that annoyed me as well.

But you know what OP I've learned that at the end of the day people suit themselves - so you have to suit yourself. I know how you feel though. I mean don't get me wrong, my friends are nice people but they look out for themselves too (as they should). I think maybe you are like me and are too nice!! I'm always worried about upsetting other people but you can't live your life like this really - cos you can't make all the people happy all of the time.

So maybe cut the contact for a while and see what happens and then if they still haven't contacted you then drop them a text and suggest meeting up - if nothing else they'll perhaps notice that you have a busy life too and don't have the time to be texting them all of the time. We're all busy OP but we should still make time for friends.

LegacyUser

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

Okay, the last few replies have helped me feel a bit better! But the thing is, if I don't contact people, nothing happens. It's not a matter of letting them sort it out. This could be (in part) because my "group" consists of separate people, some of whom don't know each other at all.

Not that it's a great measure, but on New Years Eve (which I spent with family), I got one message.

I would dearly love to come to my phone some time and have a "How are you getting on?" or a "Let's meet for coffee".

Aww Jeez OP, that last sentance really got me, I feel your pain. Everybody likes to be wanted so I think what you're going through is natural. Its just one of those hard to answer questions. I mean if you put this to one of those people you contact, I'd be pretty sure it would be news to them. They'd probably apologise and promise to contact you more, which they'd do.........for about a week, then revert to type. I've been in your place and I had that conversation with a friend. He did apologise and promised to not let it happen any longer. But like I said, that lasted for about a week. If its any consolation OP, nobody is deliberatley excluding you. People are emotional creatures(more so for women than men)they dont operate on logic when it comes to friends, relationships. So at an emotional level those people that dont contact you are just not connected to you. And thats not because you're boring or quiet or whatever, its because certain people connect with certain others, thats it. For me, I connect with very few people relative to what Ive seen other people do. Thats just the way it is. I know its upsetting to have people not contact you, but I wouldnt chase them any longer, thats just gonna erode your self respect and dignity if youre the one constantly doing all the leg work. Sit back and let them come to you, if they do great, if they dont then you'll just have to take it on the chin. But I think your self respect is the most important thing here. Plus your ability to be comfortable in your own company and not be too needy.

LegacyUser

Yes, I think I'll leave the contact for a while. That said, I haven't been on to anyone in a few days and I'm already feeling quite alone.

CyberJuice, it's not about the actual message or call. It's about the fact that contact would be a good indication that someone was actually thinking of me. Also, I would love my happiness to be as simple matter of taking holidays and joining gyms, but that's not the case for me. While employment and health are things I probably wouldn't be happy without, they aren't the only requirements for satisfaction. Plus, last I heard, finding a boyfriend required a willing candidate! I reiterate: It's not that I'm unoccupied and need activities. It's that I'd like someone to care about me even a little bit. Whether or not it matters to you is irrelevant. It does matter to me and your "helpful" messages are serving no purpose other than making me feel misunderstood and worse. I'm not generally one for self-pity and dramatics, but the fact is that most people have a friend or two who contact them from time to time. I would like to have that.

Thanks again to everyone else. I hate to ask this question, but does anyone have any suggestions as to how one in general could be more appealing as a person? Beyond the obvious "have interests and be your own person"? Because I'm my own person to the very end and it's getting me nowhere. I'm feeling quite desperate.

LegacyUser

username_today wrote: »

So at an emotional level those people that dont contact you are just not connected to you.

You see, I think you're right, and that hurts an awful lot.

dellas1979

Have you ever thought of this from a different angle?

Because you seem to be blaming yourself alot and from your posts anyways really you seem like a lovely person. You dont or shouldnt have to change for anyone. Be kind to yourself.

In a nutshell maybe you need to make different or new friends, friends who do appreciate you and who do value your friendship. I think from reading your posts you have alot to offer and anyone would be lucky to be friends with you. You cant control how your friends behave towards you if you are already trying your best. Go make new friends .

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Have you ever thought of this from a different angle?

Because you seem to be blaming yourself alot and from your posts anyways really you seem like a lovely person. You dont or shouldnt have to change for anyone. Be kind to yourself.

In a nutshell maybe you need to make different or new friends, friends who do appreciate you and who do value your friendship. I think from reading your posts you have alot to offer and anyone would be lucky to be friends with you. You cant control how your friends behave towards you if you are already trying your best. Go make new friends .

What a lovely post. Thank you.

The thing is, the common denominator in all these relationships is me. Regardless of the fact that I mean well and genuinely care about these people, I personally seem to lack whatever factor is necessary to stimulate the interest, attention and/or care of others.

The confusing part is that we seem to get on when I do call them or initiate plans. As in, we have good fun and quite a few will discuss personal matters with me and I really do feel as though we relate well to one another.

When I look back over the years, it seems to be a recurrent theme throughout my life. I'm just feeling a little lost and confused.

leggo

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

Thanks again to everyone else. I hate to ask this question, but does anyone have any suggestions as to how one in general could be more appealing as a person? Beyond the obvious "have interests and be your own person"? Because I'm my own person to the very end and it's getting me nowhere. I'm feeling quite desperate.

To be honest, I think this is the kind of stage where a partner is ideally what you're looking for. They're generally the people who tick the emotional boxes you want ticked. Easier said than done, though, I know. Plus you always find someone when you stop looking etc.

In your 20s, as I am, people tend to drift as they get 'real lives' and don't make as much time for simple, but important, stuff like catch-up texts/calls as they used to. Perhaps you simply find yourself a bit left behind and at this juncture as a result? That's why I urge you not to take this personally. I haven't read one word in anything you've written in this thread to suggest that this is down to anything you have/haven't done or how appealing you are as a person. It's a case of circumstances working against you, as they sometimes do, and perhaps life nudging you in a different direction.

So why not take this and do something constructive with it? Turn a negative into a positive: perhaps take up a part-time course, or even something like a hobby or night class for fun, where you can meet new people? We tend to try harder with newer friends as it's very easy to take older friends for granted, so this could bring you both the short-term and long-term benefits.

The sadness may be overwhelming right now, and you may feel short of options, but that doesn't mean that you are and (cheesy as it may sound) a lifetime's happiness may be just one small, practical decision away.

dellas1979

See, in your life time you will make friends/acquaintenances and "good" or best friends who respond to you in many different ways (emotional/fun etc).

It is better to concentrate on having at least 1 best friend and a few acquaintenances than having all acquaintenances that dont want what you want (a meaningful friendship). You need to start making new and better friends who satisfy what you want out of a friendship, and learn to spot those that are going to be acquaintance-type friendships.

To me, 1 best friend is worth a gazillion acquaintenances. I mightnt ever hear from these acquaintenance-type friends from one month to the next, maybe I might contact them the odd time, but my good friends I know I will hear from and vice versa and there is no pressure to keep on the contact because we always know we are there (contact is initiated by either person-no pressure).

PS: When I say acquaintance-type friendships, I dont just mean someone you meet the odd time or rarely talk to. Ive had these type of people spill their guts to me and would never hear from them, or go out with them regularly and never hear from them for a period of time. Its like a "ill use you for the moment for emotional support/fun..whatever" and then be gone. You need to learn to spot these in order to know who you want a meaningful friendship with. Believe me, there are lots of people out there who would love a kind, decent friend like you, you just gotta go find them and stop putting your energy/worry into these other people.

LegacyUser

LonelyLonelyLonelyLonely wrote: »

You see, I think you're right, and that hurts an awful lot.

Sorry didnt mean to be insensitive, but I've done a fair bit of thinking and research into this subject and I've found that its all about emotional connections when it comes to friendships/relationships. I know it hurts to think that you're just not connecting with people on an emotional level, but like others have said, it takes two to tango and you seem to be blaming yourself a lot. Just because you dont connect with these people doesnt mean theres something wrong with you as a person. That kind of thinking will only erode your self worth which will make things even harder. You're in a difficult position, Im not gonna patronise you and tell you that you're not, or that you should go off and just make new friends(sure its no problem, just go to the friend shop and pick a few new ones up). Its hurtful to feel that nobody could be bothered initiating contact with you, thats the crux of the matter. I suppose the bottom line is whats the answer to your problem?
It might help to understand the nature of friendship and relationships. People get the deep meaningful stuff from their families and girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands. So if you come from a reasonably healthy, loving family theres a part of you thats getting its needs met, a foundation has been established(which you'll always have). Then maybe that same person meets a nice guy/girl and develops a healthy relationship with her/him. This means they have their family that is their foundation, plus an intimate relationship, which adds to that foundation. That person will have friends but the friendships, for the most part, will be casual enough. Why? Because they're already getting what they need in the deep meaningful department from their family and significant other. They have those people who'll acknowledge their existence, check up on them, seek out their company. I know for blokes, our friendships are very superficial in general, I think maybe for women friendships can be a little more deeper and meaningful, but still not too deep(unless its a friend you've had since kindergarden). I think problems can arise if you're not from a close family yourself because what happens then is your friends become your surrogate family. But that in itself is a problem because if you're trying to get meaningful stuff from people who are already sorted in that department, it can lead to frustration. They dont need what you need because they're getting it already(or have gotten it previously at crucial stages during childhood) from another source.
Maybe all of that doesnt apply to you OP and you do come from a loving, nurturing family and maybe all you need is a boyfriend, someone who will show a genuine interest in your company, I cant say. All I know is in my own case I didnt have the close family, which did leave a void in me which in turn caused me to look for a surrogate family through friendships. I always looked for deeper connections than what people I called my friends where willing to give. For example I'd be very hurt when my birthday came and went without anybody even mentioning it, whereas Id see other people having a fuss made over them by their family on their birthday. It took me a fair while to figure this whole thing out and come up with a solution, but I did. I have the friendships now and people do call me as opposed to me chasing them all the time. Its actually a deeper issue than it appears to be.
Anyway hope thats of some help.

LegacyUser

Thanks again everyone. On reflection, I think my family relationships are a bit unusual. We're close as long as the going is good. Any difficulty at all and everyone seems to avoid each other or pick fights with each other (except for me, and not in an "I'm so nice" kind of way, more in an "I'm not good with confrontation and don't do avoidance well" kind of way). There is love there, but not in a conventional sense. I don't mean Hallmark cards when I say conventional, by the way.

It actually would explain why I put so much weight into friendships. It also in a way explains why I have so much difficulty with interpersonal stuff. I'm not trying to blame my parents, though. I'm an adult. I should be able to handle this.

I also noticed that my comments here probably make me sound weak or a bit of a doormat. This isn't actually the case (at least not the doormat part). I only express agreement with someone if I genuinely agree and I do look after myself as well as those I care about.

My social "group" probably consists of about 5 people I'd contact very regularly and then about 10 others I see slightly more casually. Apologies if I made it sound bigger. It's not that I'm trying to be some social butterfly or anything - just a friend.

I have too many commitments for a regular night class at the minute. As in, I'd always find the time to see someone, but from week to week I never know when I'll be free. There are a few things I'd love to do, but it's just not feasible.

I don't think I come across as needy, in spite of how these posts sound. Any tips are very welcome, though. I know people say that it's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not, but that's ringing somewhat hollow at the minute.

solarsystem

OP you seem so sweet, and so normal, eventhough you probably think you are not entirely normal. But I think everybody feels that way when the time comes to more or less 'get rid of' your old friends and get new ones.
In our twenties a lot of us try to hold on to our old set of friends for too long, eventhough the only thing we may have had in common was going to the same school together or living close together or something random like that. But when we are grown adults and know our own minds we need friends that share our philosophies and dreams and goals in life.
You remind me a little of my wife, sweet and kind and gentle, and likes nothing more than when people are thoughtful. Over the last five years or so I have seen her feel sad and a bit rejected at times when her lifelong friends appeared not to be very thoughtful or interested in her anymore. She is thirty one now and has realised that she just does not have that much in common with her old friends anymore so she does not feel let down by them. They have just all grown apart and that is normal. Whatsmore she has new friends now, that fit better with her life.
I know it is easy for us blokes bacause we make new mates so easily, and if they don't call us we don't even notice, but I would recommend you accept that you have come to the time in your life when you need to more or less ditch the old lot and make your new set
of friends.
It's not as hard as it sounds either. There are lots of ways to meet new friends, but probably the easiest way is online, on a site like Maybefriends.com. I found myself single for a while and wanting to meet new people about 10 years ago and I found that site fantastic.
And when you get into a new circle, before you know it you will have somebody special in your life who will send you personal texts everyday; only to you and especially for you. But in the meantime, take the advice of one who has already tied the knot and closed the door: have as many boyfriends as you can for the next few years. Sleep with all the ones that are kind to you, as many of them as you can. Never feel guilty even if you dump them the next morning (us blokes get over being used in that way pretty quickly, don't worry ).
You have a lot to give, don't be afraid to take too.

Samich

Same with me OP, no one ever asks me to do stuff, probably because I don't drink and most activities with my bunch of friends revolve about drinking.