life not working out like i thought

LegacyUser

I'll be turning 27 next week and have been feeling so down about it. I need to snap out of this mood but I keep tearing up over silly things.

I've been living abroad for the past two years as I couldn't find work at home. I orignally loved it, as I was keen to learn the language, love travelling and was excited to work after being out of work for a while back home.

I came back after Christmas at home, having spent it with my succesful older brother who is also living away from home, feeling absolutely miserable with my position in life. My parents have given us so much and love us all, but I still feel that my choice of job, lack of career basically and not having a plan for life is a disappointment to them. I studied at college but couldn't make it in my career area as there were few jobs (media). I now work in teaching english and struggle to get by. I love the work, but not having financial stability is bothering more, especially as I face turning 27 and feel like I should be doing better for myself.

I don't know what i expect to hear, mostly I just want to write this down as I've been so down about it lately. I tried not to let my boyfriend and parents see (both back in Ireland) but they can tell somethings wrong, I don't want to upset them.

I've had career advice and to be honest, although I loved my original job, I never worked hard enough after I lost it to really break into that career. I don't seem to really WANT any job or career enough and that's something I struggle with. I seem to be floating and happy to just go along with whatever's happening. I make enough to make ends meet and usually enjoy what I do, but feel like i should be wanting more from life. I was always quite smart and everyone thought I would do well, but i just don't seem to be bothered enough to do what needs to be done to get to that great end job/career/life.

As for my boyfriend, we've been going out a few months and it's been long distance from the start (except for the first two weeks). We see each other every few weeks and whilst he makes a huge effort to see me and seems quite interested, he also cheated and told me on his last visit (once-off kiss), and I'm struggling not to be jealous and paranoid since I've returned.

Thanks anyhow for this chance to write it down, I feel a bit better. I guess I just thought things would be a little more 'sorted' by now and I'd know what career to be in and I'd be a bit more financially stable. I really want children but I have to get my money sorted in the next few years, and if I stay in this job it's not likely.

nyarlothothep

How about trying out teaching in schools? It would in theory offer more stability, better pay etc.

LegacyUser

thanks narlothothep but I've thought about it and to be honest, it doesn't really offer more pay - I'd be making about the same as what I'm on now, maybe less.

However, it would offer more stability.

The problem is that I don't like teaching children - my first year here I did a summer school with 8-13yr olds, as well as teaching a kid during the academic year and I just didn't enjoy it, I wasn't good at it either - I don't connect well with them, I'm not the songs and games type person.

What I'd love is to teach adults, anything - but the only route I can see is university lecturer but I don't want to go through a PHD, and I don't think the academic world would suit me

baby and crumble

Have you tried TEFL, OP? You would be teaching to adults who need more teaching in speaking English- and you don't need anything other than a TEFL qualification for that. Or is that already what you do?

There are also adult education centres that run night courses; you could approach them and see if they have any need for someone to teach night courses etc with your skill set, in media.

Have you tried blogging, I know it's a cliche, but setting a blog would give you an outlet, and you'd be surprised the kinds of doors it could open if you do decide to get back into media.

LegacyUser

thanks baby, I currently teach English. I've thought about night courses and FAS teaching but tbh it doesn't make enough money. That's the problem - I like teaching adults which is what I do now but in future I'd like to do it on a more succesful basis. But as far as I can tell, setting up your teaching company or becoming a professor are the only routes for career advancement and neither of those appeal.

I do blog but have lost touch with it since moving abroad. I'm very worried that if I do want to get back into media, I'll have been so long out of the game that my experience won't count for anything. I'm not even sure its something I'd go back into either as I dont think I could face the slog it would take to get a career going - few ppl make it.

I just feel I should know by now what I want to do and have done more, made more of a dent in carving out that career path. I feel like I'm behind on everyone else. Do a lot of ppl out there at my age feel on completely shakey ground - no idea where their heading in life, no stability and not really facing a better financial future. I wouldn't mind if I thought down the line I would be earning more, but I dont think I will and that's bothering me.

thefeatheredcat

guest252 wrote: »

I came back after Christmas at home, having spent it with my succesful older brother who is also living away from home, feeling absolutely miserable with my position in life. My parents have given us so much and love us all, but I still feel that my choice of job, lack of career basically and not having a plan for life is a disappointment to them.

Are you only feeling down about yourself since interacting with your brother? Are you finding yourself comparing to him and what he has achieved?

A couple of years ago I felt the same, feeling like I had disappointed my parents because I haven't lived up to my potential (as yet). I completed a degree in college and ended up working in something not related to it, but they always have expressed that whatever education you get, will always stand to you.

During the years working, what I studied lost focus and I lacked passion for it... even when I was considering getting into that area I still lacked passion and courage for it as well as interest. It's only in the last year that something related to it has sparked a definite interest that I feel worth pursuing and that has been through a lot of self discovery of my own talents, abilities and capabilities and has led to a real hunger for it.

What will matter to your parents is whether you're happy or not. They probably know from their own life experience how you feel. I think you should tell your parents how you feel, and maybe their own work and life experiences can give you reassurance.

If you feel that you should be doing better for yourself then chat with them expressing that's how you feel and then use your own feelings to challenge yourself to find what it is that you want but keep it in mind as a motivator.

Maybe you can return to exploring what's available in media today and see where the experience of teaching can bring you within it, should you find media to again be an interest.

Don't put yourself under too much pressure, or put yourself down in comparison to others. What others have can be deceptive and distorted when you're looking from one side of the window.

nyarlothothep

It sounds like you're stuck in a rut and its making you think negatively about what choices you should make or perhaps a fear of making the wrong decision because media didn't work out yet. Each decision isn't an end in itself, its not the definitive this is what I must do forever but its good perhaps to just try out something you think you might like or which will work out. Life isn't a race, not that you've been idle, you have a degree, work experience etc, 27 is young and the whole career/financial status dimension isn't that important set against the big questions/fundamental aspects of life, having a good job that pays reasonably well is better imo, than working 15 hours a day on a massive salary but not having any existence outside of work.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Your situation pretty much mirrors mine, but I am hitting the mid 30s. Like you I went abroad before, and learned a new language, taught English, but never really really got into it. Howevere, learning the language stood to me and I got a job using it. That was then. I am doing something different now, and still do not know what I see myself doing when I am 40. Anything I really really like is so hard to get into, and would be down to luck as much as anything.
Like you, I had friends and relations who worked away successfully in Ireland, while I was dirfting from one thing to the next. What I am taking out of all it, is that I love languages.
Like you, I am not sure if I would enjoy teaching. I have thought about it for years, but never bit the bullet, and that is telling me "well, if you haven't done it by now, then it's not for you". Would you consider doing an elearning or instructional design diploma? Or software localisation, or translation studies, especially if you have languages....?

OK, all I really want to do is travel and play rock n roll......