Feel guilty accepting gift

LegacyUser

This is a bit trivial, but I'm really confused about what I should do. So it was my birthday yesterday. My boyfriend gave me a present and a card from his mother for me. The present was lovely, just something small. Before I opened the card, he said that there was money in it. Expecting to see about €20, I got a complete shock when I saw €50... and then another €50 behind that. I told him that I can't accept that, it's far too much, but he's not having any of it. He says that she won't take it back. I really don't know what to do! It would look so ungrateful to give it back, but his mother isn't working, I can't just take all that money. Plus, when it was his birthday, my mother didn't give him anything of the sort. We've been going out for about a year and a half, so it's not even like she's known me for years or anything. Last year for my birthday she just got me a small present like what she gave me this time, and that was perfectly fine. I don't understand why she would have given me so much money this time around. I know this must sound really stupid and childish, but I'm just not sure what I can do in this situation.

iguana

When is her birthday? Put the €100 aside and buy her a really nice gift with it for her birthday.

MagicSean

Take them out for dinner.

LegacyUser

How many GF's has your BF had? It could be your the first to have two birthdays with him and she views your relationship as more serious and that your worth spoiling.

Good advice to take him and his mum, or even just her on her own depending on your relationship with her, for a meal or put the cash aside to use to buy her a gift when her birthday/mothers day/other gift giving date comes around.

It's win/win you get brownie points for being a good GF and it won't cost you anything.

allovertheshop

I agree with suggestions to go out for dinner

I'd be careful about the suggestion to put the money aside and buy his mother a present for Mothers day / her birthday. You could just end up in a circle of you buying her an expensive gift, her giving you extremely generous money gifts. . .

LegacyUser

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, I had considered putting the money aside and buying her something, but as allovertheshop said, I'd be afraid that it would then become a cyclical thing. Dinner is an option, but it is a little bit difficult as she has special dietary requirements. Plus, to be honest, I don't really get on that well with her! She's hardly ever there when I'm over at my boyfriend's house, and I've always got the impression that she's not particularly bothered about me.

Would there be any point in saying to her that I feel it's too much? I've obviously told the boyfriend to thank her for me, but I'll have to thank her personally next time I see her too. I don't think I could actually say thank you without adding in "but it was far too much, I can't accept it."

The Lovely Muffin

My boyfriend and I gave my mother a voucher for €75 for Xmas, when mam saw my boyfriend after that she just "thank you very much for the voucher <insert boyfriend's name>, it was too much, but much appreciated" which told him (and me) that while she appreciated the voucher, there wasn't any need or expectations for us to give her a €75 voucher.

You could say something like that and, if you want, you could put the money aside and buy her something on her birthday/for mothers day etc. Or for Mothers Day you and your boyfriend could take her out for dinner/lunch etc.

baby and crumble

if she has specific dietary requirements, why not use some of the money to buy the ingredients to cook her dinner, maybe with your BFs Dad if he's around and your BF. She obviously now sees you two as serious, so a grown up parents dinner party might be just the ticket, plus it will give you lots of brownie points, going to all that effort.

in the end, OP, it is a gift- she obviously wanted to give you the money for whatever reason.