How do I start meeting people?

LegacyUser

Hi'm hoping someone can really help me here.

My girlfriend broke up with me last September. As much as I want to get over it, the fact that I cannot meet anyone else just keeps making me think about her.

I just can't meet anyone else.

Bars just dont work for me. Whatever I do.

I've tried all the joining classes and clubs thing but in general people are there to do the class/activity and then back home to their own friends, etc.

I've tried online dating but as a guy, the lack of responses is more demoralising than anything.

<SNIP>

Peopl;e keep saying "Oh,yourself first". I have! I'm a decent and good guy. I treat people well. I have a good job, my own apartment and car. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying, I have my act together.

Why can I meet anyone? I'm 27, I'm too old for games and hook ups.

I just can't meet anyone, where would I possibly meet anyone.

Please can someone help. What do I do? I just want to get things back together, meet someone else, be happy and get on with my life.


Please, what do I do?

Ironmaiden11

Hey. I don't know what to tell you but I
Have a friend in a similar position. She is a great girl. It's hard for her as she doesn't want to "sell" herself. It's a tricky situation. People won't come knocking at your door but you don't want to hawk yourself either.
There are "meet up groups" in Dublin. Maybe this?
Why did your girlfriend break up with u if u don't mind me asking?

LegacyUser

My ex and I had a disagreement. She chose not to speak again to me about it and we have no had any contact since (I tried a couple of times but it is ignored so I've just left it be.) Nothing world shattering, just a simple disagreement which wasnt a big deal really but I can't control her wanting to end things.

Here is the thing. We werent together a lifetime but things seemed to be going extremely well, we both had planned for the future and there was no reason to see this coming. So with that in mind I guess I had made a lot of plans (financial, work, home, etc..) that assumed there was a future for us.

Now I'm stuck in a situation where all in all my life appears good. House, car, very good career job and I should feel lucky.

On the other hand I'm 28. My work collegues are all in 40s and 50s.
I keep really active. I've joined a 5 a side league. I've joined a class. I go out to watch matches and stuff like that. I've even tried meetup. Overall I have more than enough to do. But none of those was work to meet people. Classes, meetup, etc... again its nver people of my own age group or interests and its generally people just showing up, doing their thing then off home again.

I have a good life if someone would like to share it with me but I feel like a miserable failure that nobody wants to.

I''m just at the age where I dont have a lot of single friends to go out with and even at that, the thought of going out to bars and trying to chat up a bunch of 21 years olds and being shot down is just so demoralizing. I'm just not good at the whole bar scene.

I really just don't know. Is there NOBODY and has ANY advice? Surely everyone here doesn't just sit at home in from of the TV and have people beating down their door for a date?

I even see other threads about it here, people looking for dates and friends. How is there so many people asking the same questions but no answer to it if so many are in the same position? I just don't understand it anymore.

I just feel like my life is moving on, I'm not a teenager or a student anymore and I just can't keep doing the same thing. It sounds stupid but it's Monday night. There's nothing really on tonight but sitting around watching TV. I feel like I'm wasting my life away, I could be out there doing things and meeting people but how and where? I just don't know anymore.

Ironmaiden11

I don't know what to say to you. All the better people are less likely to be out eyeballing every guy/girl in the street as a potential **** as it's dehumanising and devalues anything meaningful before or after.
So you are stuck! You'll have to wait! Why don't you create a profile so people could send you a pm if they thought that was useful to you btw.
Suggestion- You could try dating foreign girls. Irish girls can be unrealistic, not all but some. And I'm an Irish girl but that's what I think...!
Cant you use Facebook to meet people btw? I never did but I know people who did.

Ellie2008

OP that was quite a rant but I completely understand, I've felt like that myself.

There aren't as you have identified any magic answers. You're only 28 and people find love at any age nowdays, don't spend the time in between wishing your life away as my mother would say! (Its only as Ive gotten older I have realised what a good saying that is!). Why don't you focus on yourself as an individual for a while, do things you really want to do because you want to do them not because you think doing them will help you meet girls. Lots of people sit in and watch TV on a Monday night that doesn't make you unusual in fact I sit in most nights on my own watching TV.

All that said of course it is understandable that you want someone to share your life with, I think most of us do. I got the impression from the tone of your posts that the ex wasn't the love of your life, of course I may be wrong. I think its harder being a single girl at your age and older, due to biological clock, spinster sterotypes, the fact that guys can date women years younger with no judgement from anyone. This is no magic formula, you cant force these things, just live your life, focus on being happy and you will eventually meet someone statisitically most people do and when you do meet someone you'll have more to offer as a happy person with lots of interests.

beks101

First of all, you need to calm down. There was something frantic about your posts and if that's your attitude towards singledom - complete and absolute panic - then you're already setting yourself back ten steps before you even take one.

Trust me, we can sense that. I know you're using this thread to have what may be a rare rant, but when someone has this idea that being single in your 20s is some sort of failure and you NEED TO FIND SOMEONE NOW!!!!11!1 it generally does pervade their demeanour in some way, and even if it's a general vibe or remark or whatever, it definitely comes across. It sounds to me like you're still not completely over your last relationship, so that's probably not helping either.

That said, I get where you're coming from. It's frustrating to have everything else in your life sorted, to know you have so much to offer and are a far bigger catch than a lot of guys out there, and yet it's not happening for you. You're not meeting anyone.

However, you're looking at it the wrong way. This isn't another tick-the-box scenario and relationships don't happen because people 'deserve' them, (if you don't believe me, let me introduce you to some of my exes!:D) they just happen.

If you, 1. statistically increase your chances of meeting someone by increasing your encounters/friendships with women and 2. change your attitude towards being single so that you learn to enjoy your own company and the opportunity all this free time provides, you're halfway there.

And even if you are putting yourself out there, joining all the clubs, going on all the nights out, setting up the online profile, going on all the dates...it still won't happen instantly, because finding someone you want to spend your life with is far more complicated than shopping for a mobile phone. It takes time, false starts, rejection, bad dates, and the few token crazies along the way. The trick is to not take it seriously and just make sure you're enjoying your life and projecting that everywhere you go.

Honestly, you're 27? 28? And just out of a relationship as it is. Keep doing what you're doing but while you're at it, work on your confidence aswell. It'll happen.