Have I being Patient enough?

LegacyUser

I'll try keep this as short as possible.

In Mid-July I got talking to this girl on an online site, when using these sites I made a rule of only talking to girls from my county.

Turned out this girl lived in a neighbouring county, an hour away, I was happy to let it slide at any rate as we were talking for hours every day by the time I found out.

She was finishing her masters at the time, and while I never brought up meeting, it seemed as though it would happen when she finished them(which was a good month after we started talking, possibly more).

So she finished her masters and then by this stage I was asking her to meet me, we were friends on Facebook and we were talking every day for hours, we both agreed we had very strong feelings for each other(loved each other if you will).
But she kept telling me she couldn't meet, she had no money....and when she sorted that out she would.
She claimed she needed money for a haircut and new clothes.
I counter-acted this by saying I would travel there so that eliminated the need for money and she had went out occasionally proving her hair wasn't THAT bad.

She gave time-frames to meet that were always miles away: first was some point in November(given back about 6/7 weeks before the month started) then not long after she said it would 100% not pass Dec 9th, as she was saving, that came and went and I said if it passed her Bday in Jan I was done with this), she responded with a date 2 days after.

And now with that coming she's pulling out of that due to being ''sick'', I'm sick of the excuses, there's always one.
I know she's ''scared'' about meeting but it's just a fact of the matter, I can't put my life on hold forever, I've waited 6 months now when there was never any reason to wait that.

Over the past few weeks, we've argued for hours due to my anger at her reluctance to meet, she just says 'she will'' and has tried to shift the blame onto me as well(well you never agreed to that date-that's when she would have gave a date miles away and I got pissed at the time, but still we sailed towards it, so should still have counted)
She says she won't lose me, yet when I've said ''Look I'm done so, I'm sick of waiting'' she makes no effort to stop me by just biting the bullet.

So opinions?.... she brought up a friend who talked to a lad for longer as some kind of justification, I've told her they prob talked as friends the odd time, while we've talked every day by phone, text IM like a couple would so its not a fair comparison.

I'm sick of being made feel like a fool in this, we could meet within an hour, it's that simple, all she'd have to do is leave her house, I didn't push the meet for 2/3 mths so there's no rushing into things here.

What would ye do?...... I feel I should walk now, if she hasn't met so far what's to say she ever will.

LovelyLottie

You guys haven't even met yet - you cannot possibly know that you love each other. But i do understand how it can happen that you feel that you might love this person or have strong feelings for them. Yes, you have an emotional attachment, but it's not till you meet up that you will know whether you click.

For whatever reason, she seems happy to keep your relationship a virtual one. And you want a real-life one.

She may be insecure about her looks, she may be scared you won't like her in person, she may be married (i really hope not), you just don't know. But the one thing you DO know is that when you have suggested and tried to meet her, she won't.

You have to be very wary about getting emotionally involved with people you meet online. I understand how it can happen, and when i first started online dating it happened to me too. You think you'll take it slowly and get to know the person, but in my opinion, it's best to meet up sooner rather than later. If the person doesn't want to meet, in my experience they usually have something to hide. Or they're not exactly who they say they are.

If i were you i would say one final time that you want a real relationship in the real world. If she still won't meet, i would end it. Some people unfortunately aren't able to bring virtual relationships into the real world. And when they do, they find it difficult to sustain because of communication or other issues.

Best of luck.

MagicMarker

OP, do yourself a favour, send her a message telling her it's been fun but it's time to move on. Don't even wait for a response, just block her, delete her from facebook, don't respond to texts or phone calls. The sooner you forget about her the better, move on with your life, it's really not worth it.

LegacyUser

OP: she's a flake , or has one leg, or something like that.
Rules of online dating is to meet as soon as possible.
You cannot love someone you've never met.
You may well get on by message, but chemistry is the key. Never let yourself chat to someone for so long again, you're just wasting your time.
I'm saying this from experience. I was onlinedating last year, was talking to a guy, video etc for 6 wks until we met. Turns out he had parkinson's-wasn't readily visibly shaky on cam, but in reality was very different. Like that he always had some excuse as to not meeting.
Move on.
Don't procrastinate in future-if you like the sound of someone ask them out post haste, just for coffee! It's so much better, and then you can decide whether you want to go on an actual date with them.
Best of luck !!!!!!!

thedude82

A few years ago, I joined a dating website. However looking back, I think I was a lot like the girl you are chatting to. I think I was lonely, and enjoyed messaging guys, but I always found and excuse not to meet up. I don't think the girl you are chatting to is ready for a live relationship, and I think you should try cut contact. You could be waiting a long time/forever for her to agree to meet you.

cliona8969

Clarity_Required wrote: »

we both agreed we had very strong feelings for each other(loved each other if you will).
But she kept telling me she couldn't meet, she had no money....and when she sorted that out she would.
She claimed she needed money for a haircut and new clothes.

all i can say is run now and fast!! this girl is using you for money!!! "she had no money and when she sorted that out she would meet" next thing she'll be asking you for money TRUST ME my ex boyfriend has been there. he met a girl online like who who "fell in love with him" and robbed every penny from him!!! DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY!!! trust me its happening everywhere. just google "internet dating scams" what a bitch! also how can you seriously be in love with a girl who you have never so much as hugged? you've never seen her talked to her kissed her, how can you love her? it's similar to loving a software program is it not?

Chinafoot

cliona8969 wrote: »

all i can say is run now and fast!! this girl is using you for money!!! "she had no money and when she sorted that out she would meet" next thing she'll be asking you for money TRUST ME my ex boyfriend has been there. he met a girl online like who who "fell in love with him" and robbed every penny from him!!! DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY!!! trust me its happening everywhere. just google "internet dating scams" what a bitch! also how can you seriously be in love with a girl who you have never so much as hugged? you've never seen her talked to her kissed her, how can you love her? it's similar to loving a software program is it not?

Eh, it sounds to me that this woman was using the lack of money for hair and clothes as an excuse not to meet. I'm sure if she had asked him for money in the months that they've been talking the OP would have mentioned it. Bit of a leap to assume she's some scammer.

OP, you don't love her because you don't know her. Online and in person are two very different things. Thats not to say it can't work out. I met my boyfriend online and we're together over 6 years.

I wouldn't bother wasting anymore time on this one. If she's unwilling to meet then you should cut your losses and find someone willing to have a real relationship.