boyfriends past

LegacyUser

I feel quite silly even starting this thread cos I just want to shake myself and say 'get over it!' but anyway, I'm struggling a bit, so I guess i'm lookin for advice, or maybe even just writing about it will help.

I know quite a lot about my boyfriends past, as in past relationships, sexual experiences, stuff like that. He has a tendency to just blurt stuff out. And sometimes I wish I didn't know this stuff. There's one ex in particular that bothers me and I'm trying to figure out why. I don't think I'm worried that they would get back together, and I like her as a person. I think I just am jealous of her personality, she's a very 'free' relaxed kinda girl, and I'm a worrier(well obviously, hence this thread lol!)

The other thing is that he is a lot more experienced than me. for unpleasant reasons that I won't go into here I was a bit of a late starter, and again I think it's pure jealousy that he experienced certain things that i didn't.

I realise how juvenile this all sounds but I really want to forget it all and move on, I have a really amazing boyfriend who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But it niggles at me, and has come up a couple of times. I know I need to deal with it or risk it wreckin our relationship. Any advice at all?

Miss Fluff

boyfriends past wrote: »

I know quite a lot about my boyfriends past, as in past relationships, sexual experiences, stuff like that. He has a tendency to just blurt stuff out.

For starters you can ask him to stop informing you of the ins and outs of every liaison he's had. It's unnecessary, gratuitous and it should be on a need-to-know basis so him talking about stuff like that is doing nothing to allay your anxiety obviously. Tell him you don't really want to talk about/have any interest in his Ex's and he should understand.

You also need to remember that everyone has a past. You are now both in the present however and he has chosen to be with YOU, if his last relationship was so picture perfect then he'd still be with her wouldn't he?

You should also maybe look into some relaxation techniques so when this "chatter" surfaces you can learn ways to block it out and stop worrying.

LegacyUser

Thanks Miss Fluff, you always give good advice
I told him I'm not happy knowing all this stuff, and he deffo knows better than to say it now! I know he didn't say it with the intention of hurting me, but unfortunately it does hurt.

The relaxation techniques sound like a good idea, do you mean like meditating or something similiar? I could probly use such a technique a lot, in general I have difficulty in switching off my brain. I'm always thinkin about all the things I need to do, and find it difficult to just sit easy.

Lola92

+1 to all Miss Fluff has said. You need to tell your boyfriend that him telling you these things is making you uncomfortable. What's in the past is in the past and you don't need to know about it. Unless I was at risk from some sort of illness or STI I would not want to know about any of my partners previous sexual behaviour.

OP, as said above he is obviously happy to be with you now and appears to feel comfortable and secure enough to tell you things about his past (although this is the problem!) Just remember that his ex is an ex for a reason.

Beruthiel

boyfriends past wrote: »

I know quite a lot about my boyfriends past, as in past relationships, sexual experiences, stuff like that. He has a tendency to just blurt stuff out. And sometimes I wish I didn't know this stuff.

I'm with my hubby over ten years now, I know feck all about his past and he knows feck all about mine other than the bare minimum.
I have no interest what so ever with regards to what he got up to before meeting me.
It's called discretion.

I think it exceedingly crass to be so thoughtless as to bring up past experiences with ex's.
Who they hell would want to know that stuff?
Tell him to stfu and there's no need to be polite about it.

LegacyUser

well it was actually she who broke up with him and I know it devastated him at the time. It's kinda weird tho, cos I don't actually think he would want her back, I'm not worried about them getting back together. I'm not exactly sure what my issue with her is, I suppose if I could figure out what the root of it is, it would be easier to get over.

Abrean

I know how you feel if that's any consolation! My boyfriend only had one previous ex though, he was with her for 6 years and was his only girlfriend really.

We were friends before we became girlfriend and boyfriend so I know more than I want to know and even since then he's let things slip about their sex life that has really upset me, because of course your mind starts visualising it.

Unfortunately they still share many friends and a particular pastime so have to see each other and remain friends so I'l have to see her on occasion and like you I don't think that my boyfriend would ever want to get back together with her.

I'm not sure what my issue is either, It's just something that niggles at me from time to time. I'm a bit insecure about her I suppose, maybe even intimidated (by her or what their relationship was I don't know) so maybe you are too?

LegacyUser

Yeah, I suppose there is an element of me bein intimidated by her. I actually know her longer than I know him, we get along quite well. But she's quite a bit younger than me and seems really together ya know, she has a strong personality, she knows what she wants. I do admire that in a person but it can be a bit intimidating.

I'm seeing him later and I'm going to reiterate about not wanting to know any details of his past sex life, he was out of line to mention stuff like that. Other than that I suppose I should just get over it. he's very sweet in just about every way, and I would hate for this to come between us.