Having An Affair With A Married Man - No Sex

LegacyUser

i want to get some advice without being abused here pls. I've NEVER done this kind of thing before and never would again.

I started a job a few months ago and was attracted to a co-worker and he kept looking at me too so i was chuffed. So I finally was introduced to him and then i noticed the wedding ring. I couldn't understand why he'd been looking at me so much while wearing that.

so a couple of wks later we were at a work night out and we got talking and when we were leaving i offered him a lift home (we have lots in common and wanted to talk more). he said nothing would happen so i said fine and was still happy to chat to him. on the way home he asked if i wanted to kiss and i kept asking if he was sure and we pulled in someone private. i know this was wrong so pls no abuse but i wasn't the one married and one snog wasn't much (but he did want way more, i stopped that).

so basically we've been texting and emailing since and its such non sense and i have feelings for this man now. I never thought this would happen and actually he has initiated everything. i never text or emal him, its all been him and at times hes done it several times a day. we've only kissed another couple of times and i'm desperately attracted to him and he knows i'd love to sleep with him but the guilt does kill him eventhough we've been sexting a lot.

at this stage now i hate having feelings for someones else husband and i know its disgusting and i know that he can't be a good man if hes doing this but i can't help how i feel. When i see him in work i'm so smitten i sicken myself almost.

i'm wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how they got past it and why would a man who's with his wife over ten years (married three) be looking around him and sexting me like mad and kind of becoming obsessed at times but then not able to go through with it? he has expressed proper feelings for me too and seems quite sensitive so its all very strange.

pls pls no harsh abuse. i know its very bad but some help would be great to move past this and realise this is no good for me.

BrookieD

Hi
Its nice when someone pays you attention, makes you feel wanted etc... however married men/women are off limits as you know the trouble you could land yourself in. Also think of the reputation you will get if this all got out in the open at work.

You first need to delete his number from your phone and have a nice quite word and tell him this stops now.

To be honest if his wife finds out about this it could destroy the marriage and what affect will this have on his family unit? Could you also live with yourself knowing you had a hand in the potential break up of his family.

Its all nice to have someone flatter your ego but make friends with others in the office, break the cycle of waiting for his text and by deleting and blocking his number you will find pretty soon that you can move on and leave this fella behind.



good luck

Katgurl

Ok OP firstly while I don't think analysing his behaviour is even relevant as you're only responsible and in control of your own here it is - he was staring at you before you met, he got in car after stating nothing would happen (seems an odd thing tonsay, you both must have been flirting pretty heavily), initiated a kiss and then it was him who wanted more. And you are asking how he could behave like this? It's because he is sexually attracted to you and this behaviour obviously comes easily to him. He has a temporary infatuation with you probably for some of the following reasons; he wants to see you naked, he is flattered by your attentions, it makes him feel young again, it's easy and exciting after the 'shackles' of family life, he is a weak and insecure man who needs validation of an outsiders attention. I can tell you it's NOT because you and him have something special. I am not saying that nobody who cheats has serious feelings for their mistress. But your story didn't read - I've met a man, we started spending time together... Your story read of some lech who joined your workplace and immediately started eyeballing the girls before he even got introduced. He's behaving like a single man without a shred of professionalism.

But as I said you're not responsible for his actions, only your own. I'm not getting the impression you've considered the consequences or brevity of this situation.

What I suggest you do is set aside some time on your own at home, sit down and really consider what could happen here. You will succumb to the temptation eventually if you continue the flirting. Then what - a onenighter / a series of one nighters / you working around his schedule / a fully fledged love affair but him unable to commit to you / the inevitable breakup and you unable to admit to your broken heart because it's all a secret?

And the above is if (a huge IF) nobody finds out. Think of the wife and three kids and their worlds being rocked. Ok it'll be him cheating but don't enable the devastating behaviour. Do you have any idea what the consequences will be for you both personally and professionally?

You need to pull yourself together and put a stop to this. Tell him once you're not interested and then reply to nothing. If you think it's hard now think how hard it will be further down the road. And believe me, that road only leads to bad places for you.

Beruthiel

other woman wrote: »

i know its very bad but some help would be great to move past this and realise this is no good for me.

You already know this is no good for you and the fact that he is someone else's husband should be enough for you to move past it.

Self respect should have you realise that no good can come of this.
Your pride should have already pointed out to you that you are nobodies bit on the side.
You don't need to help in the hurt of another woman.
Has he got children?

Either way, you are a sentient being with self control and are well capable of running the course of your own life and how you behave in it.

If you were a married woman and someone was behaving like this towards your husband, how would you feel about that?

Right now, he's playing a very dangerous game and I feel very sorry for his wife. He's an asshole for leading you on while married.

Stop playing the victim here and pull yourself together.
Quit flirting with him and tell him to stop.

Daisy M

other woman wrote: »

i want to get some advice without being abused here pls. I've NEVER done this kind of thing before and never would again.

I started a job a few months ago and was attracted to a co-worker and he kept looking at me too so i was chuffed. So I finally was introduced to him and then i noticed the wedding ring. I couldn't understand why he'd been looking at me so much while wearing that.

To put it bluntly you are fresh meat to him and thats it. No matter how attractive another woman is it would take a lot more than looks alone for a happily married man to stray. He set his sight on you from day one, this is something he wanted from perhaps the minute he heard a new single lady was joining the workforce.

A married man who has no intention of cheating on his wife would barely have noticed you on his radar. It would have taken sometime for things to progress and an affair to develop most decent married men would have backed off once they realised an attraction was developing on either side.

He has played this game before and knows how to reel you in and its working because even though you cant make sense of his behaviour and alarm bells are ringing you are still considerig pursueing a relationship with him.

LegacyUser

Lots of people will publicly take the moral high-ground when answering you here, but the real fact of the matter is that it's not as black and white as they'd like to admit.

I'm sure we'd all like to believe in the idea that once you're married you will never notice anybody else on your radar, but this isn't always true.

"He has played this game before and knows how to reel you inHe has played this game before and knows how to reel you in". There's no actual proof for this statement, Daisy_M is assuming he's a serial cheater which would be an unfair assumption given his ten years of marriage. Maybe he is, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt without more evidence.

So to the original poster, you should figure out what you want. If you just want some attention then you should suggest to him that you keep things friendly, become platonic friends if possible.

If you really want to do more with this guy then suggest it to him and try to keep is as discreet as possible. People do have successful affairs, we just don't hear about them as much as the unsuccessful ones, and perhaps they are rarer. Just remember you will have to live with the risk possible and consequences. On your own part though you don't really have much to lose.

Miss Fluff

other woman wrote: »

i'm wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how they got past it and why would a man who's with his wife over ten years (married three) be looking around him and sexting me like mad and kind of becoming obsessed at times but then not able to go through with it? he has expressed proper feelings for me too and seems quite sensitive so its all very strange.

Sorry but I am actually astounded by your naivety, he's playing you like a pro and you're lapping it up. His behaviour is so predictable (his protestations of innocence and his "sensitivity" (purlease :rolleyes:) it's all textbook. You're fresh meat and he's throwing you just enough crumbs so that when you do finally fall into bed you'll be so grateful to him for finally succumbing to you and want more. It's pathetic and it's seedy and you're ultimately the mistress of your own destiny in some respects....don't add yourself to an already exhaustive list of women silly enough to fall for it....

Mighty_Mouse

I started a job a few months ago and was attracted to a co-worker

I couldn't understand why he'd been looking at me so much

You were probably giving out signals. See above.

a work night out and we got talking and when we were leaving i offered him a lift home

You acted on your temptation.

but i wasn't the one married

Yeah but is this healthy for you?
Is this a good life decision for you?

he has initiated everything.

The responsibility is 50:50 here IMO

i can't help how i feel.

You're not a schoolgirl. This is a work environment.
There is something missing from you life making you act this way.
You could of stopped this before it started.

Do you want to have an affair with a married man?
If you do, work away but I hope you consider yourself strong enough to handle the consequences:
- personal heartbreak is the minimum (guaranteed one way or the other)
- societal blowback - for being the other woman - if people find out
- professional consequences - getting the boot when it falls apart

Thats just to start with.

Daisy M

devilsaffairadvocate wrote: »

Lots of people will publicly take the moral high-ground when answering you here, but the real fact of the matter is that it's not as black and white as they'd like to admit.

I'm sure we'd all like to believe in the idea that once you're married you will never notice anybody else on your radar, but this isn't always true.

"He has played this game before and knows how to reel you inHe has played this game before and knows how to reel you in". There's no actual proof for this statement, Daisy_M is assuming he's a serial cheater which would be an unfair assumption given his ten years of marriage. Maybe he is, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt without more evidence.

So to the original poster, you should figure out what you want. If you just want some attention then you should suggest to him that you keep things friendly, become platonic friends if possible.

If you really want to do more with this guy then suggest it to him and try to keep is as discreet as possible. People do have successful affairs, we just don't hear about them as much as the unsuccessful ones, and perhaps they are rarer. Just remember you will have to live with the risk possible and consequences. On your own part though you don't really have much to lose.

He is only married 3 years and with his wife 10. Why are you encouraging this girl to give an obvious cheat the benefit of the doubt? I never said that people who are married dont find other people attractive of course they do. But this guy gave the op attention before they were even introduced. All the crap he is telling her is so transparent. She is been played this guy doesnt want a one night stand he wants an affair he wants her to fall for him and believe he has fallen for her. The op said the first time they kissed she put a stop to things going further even though he wanted to, later in her posts she refers to him not letting things go further. He knows she is does not yet feel ready to go any further and is working on her in a manipulative manner to make sure she will be sometime soon.

I feel I can take the moral high ground as I have morals it doesnt make me judgemental or wrong just someone who takes responsibility for my own actions and would never seek to hurt or harm others.

Peanut2011

OP,

By your own admittance, you know this is wrong. I'm not going to preach to you. As I'm sure you know these type of relationships never end up well.

At the end of the day he is married and you need to deal with that. The comment "but i wasn't the one married " is self justification as you know you should not be doing that. The fact that you know that and continue to buy his lies and give him the time of the day is wrong.

He tells the guilt is getting to him, sorry I don't buy it. Personally, if I was in your shoes, I would despise him for being open cheater.

At the end of the day, lets say he leaves his wife for you and you two end up together. How long before you are the wife he is cheating on? Would you like that to happen to you?

username123

Peanut2011 wrote: »

At the end of the day, lets say he leaves his wife for you and you two end up together. How long before you are the wife he is cheating on? Would you like that to happen to you?

Exactly.

I personally wouldnt be bothered my barney with a man like this for a number of reasons including:

• Im worth more than second fiddle.
• I wouldnt be interested in someone so fickle as to be a cheater.
• I wouldnt like to be the cause of someone elses misery (his wife).
• I wouldnt have any interest in secrecy or sneaking around - Im perfectly capable of attracting someone who wants to openly be seen with me.
• I have self respect.

Dump his sorry behind, what a loser he is.

LegacyUser

All the finger wagging in the world wont stop you feeling the intense attraction, heart going like 90, losing all reason in his presence. I've been there, except the man was in a LTR (but later married her), never talked about her, chased me continuously, made all the moves. Now, only the men who have done this are the ones who can explain why they do this. I think its mostly about sex, men like this in relationships know they have their spouse to fall back on no matter what, so feel free to chase others (but if they were single are never quite as forward or persistent for some reason). I blocked out rumours he was with someone because in reality I must of wanted to feel this way, because it rarely happens, and its exciting and adds something to an otherwise boring existence, right?
The wife & family is not in your world, you don't know her and don't really care how this would affect her really, do you? So I'm going to advise you in regards your own life. It will be devastating, and you WILL have your heartbroken over and over, and lose friends. If you go ahead and have an affair. But you are at a stage now that you can make a choice, and stop this. Easier said than done I know, and in my experience the only way I got over it was actually to move job and not have him in my life, and I presume this is not possible for you. There's obviously something missing in your life that you are feeling this for someone like him. So you have got to find what that is, if you are lonely, make the effort to get out and date. But stop contact with this man, and eventually he will get the message.

Emme

OP I'm not going to say you shouldn't have got into this situation but it might have been wiser to back off when you saw the wedding ring and offering him a lift home wasn't a good idea.

No matter what, this man isn't worth risking your job over. So I'd advise you to end it now.

Janet1986

Other woman i would advise you to back out NOW!

I started having an affair with a married man three months ago and i too thought i was in love with him and i was smitten.

He made my life a misery! Constant texting, where you going, you at work etc
Even when i went out with my friends he would ask what was i wearing and would get very pissed off if i looked too sexy!

He posted my pics online to advertise me to swinging couples.

I then found out he had another mistress as well as me.

I got an sti! To top that, i am now pregnant!

All he wants is for me to have an abortion and get lost!

So go into work and tell him go home to his wife and don't bother you again!

LegacyUser

I am so grateful for all the advice. Obviously this is a big dirty secret so I can't talk to anyone about it which makes it so much worse (Well I've told one friend but I know shes disgusted which is fair enough).

Initially it was just physical attraction but then I did enjoy the contact and flirting and attention and yes it does mean something is missing in my own life. I hate to admit it but you guys have made me realise this. I've had bf's for years and I do miss the attention (I'm not insecure, just used to male company). But over time I did get to know this guy well and we do have lots in common (not justifying, just explaining) and yes he was expressing strong feelings for me and saying he'd love to see me outside of work but couldn't. i have wanted to spend time with him but I've never wanted a full blown relationship with him. I've known from day one that I didn't want him to leave his wife for me. That never entered my head. I'm a go-with-the-flow kinda person and thats blown up in my face now. I do feel sorry for his wife. I don't want to be the cause of her heartbreak. I'd never get over being the cause of that. I'd hate to be married to him, hes clearly very weak for doing this and I am wary of him in work. I have tried to observe his interactions with other women (I hate that I even do that) just to see if hes overly friendly with anyone else. I don't think he is.

Theres no way anyone suspects in work cos we barely say hello to each other and we meet in an office to talk to each other maybe once a week. I've just gotten myself into a bad habit here and I am totally waiting for him to contact me each day now and its such a pain. I keep checking my phone hoping to see his name and I'm sick of it. I'm a bit stupidly obsessed now.

As far as him being a serial cheater, I don't think he is. I think hes been quite bad at this affair. If he was good he would have slept with me right? He could have had me many many times by now but hasn't. And I don't know if this is text book cos I've never done this before so I've no idea what men do in this situation. And I do have feelings for him so maybe this is making me blind to this 'text book' behaviour (is it text book???).

He does have a year old baby which I know makes this doubly bad (pls don't kill me) and he goes around showing off pix of the baby to people in work and I do think.....oh my god if they all only knew. He plays the happy family man well and then texts me saying he'd love to get stuck into me. I'm painting a very ugly picture here but I need to talk about this so badly as its getting to me so much at this stage.

I have thought that he was very bored and this has been exciting to him and some fun but i think he may back off now due to the feelings that we've expressed and its all too serious now. I don't contact him so hopefully it'll die off and he won't contact me cos I find it impossible to ignore him.

I love my job and plan to stay in the company for years so I need to get my act together for that reason alone. I need this job badly and if anything got out, that'd be that. They'd all blame me cos hes like a nice little family man and I'd be the most hated b1tch in there. nightmare.

Thanks again for the advice. Its fantastic to get opinions

Janet1986

I was the same, waiting for a text each day and feeling all happy when i got a text from him.

The guy i was seeing was bored of his marriage because the wife paid more attention to their kids.

One thing i can assure you is there is no way he will leave his wife for you.

He will have fun with you for awhile and then ye will have the talk where he will say let's be friends without the benefits and you will be very upset and heartbroken and will have to look at him in work everyday!

So to avoid all this mess and heartache, block him from your phone and find a single guy with no baggage.

Missy Moo Moo

OP, hate to say it but you will be the loser in this scenario. When things go wrong, which they will, he will go back to playing happy families with his wife and you'll be left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. This won't be like a typical break up where you can expect the sympathies of close friends. Most people, like your friend, will be disgusted.

Don't be flattered, he's using you as an ego boost to remind himself he's still got it, and I would be willing to bet there are other women in the office who have at some point been on the receiving end of his attentions.

This is gonna end in disaster- for you. Imagine if it got out? Your professional reputation would be destroyed, women would be wary of you, I'd go as far as to say that female friends inside and outside work will be suspicious. They'll probably think "if she can do it with a married man, what would stop her from having a go at my husband/boyfriend". Harsh but true.

Get out now- imagine the pride and self respect you'll feel in time if you walk away? Imagine how you'll feel the opposite if you get in any deeper...

Daisy M

other woman wrote: »

I have tried to observe his interactions with other women (I hate that I even do that) just to see if hes overly friendly with anyone else. I don't think he is.

Theres no way anyone suspects in work cos we barely say hello to each other and we meet in an office to talk to each other maybe once a week.

If he is able to pretend there is nothing going on with you then he is able to do the same with other women.

When has he had the many opportunities to sleep with you? You mentioned turning him down the first night are you regularly meeting?

Its coming across that you have had your own doubts about this man and his acting the family man one minute and doing his best to get with you the next. Its been confusing for you because you see a man who apprently is bosotted with you when it suits but he paints a picture to the rest of the world as been a real family man. He is playing you and he is very good at it dont be sucked in. a couple of other posters have said you have nothing to lose but thats not true. As you have already seen you could lose friends, maybe even family and your job. But most of all you could lose your self respect and self worth and it may take you sometime to find them again.

LegacyUser

HI OP,

I read your post and could have written the exact same post a few years ago - practically identical in every sense. Please, please, please stay away from this man. I guarantee this will end in tears and they will be yours. Like you I had "never done something like this" would have judged other women harshly who did. I truly believed that this man and I were soul mates and we had a future together. While I do think he had some genuine feelings for me there were nothing like the depths of feeling I developed for him and never had any intention of leaving his wife. I think both of us became addicted to each other me because I was lonely and him because he was bored. Affairs due to their secret nature cause emotions to intensify and also rely on the belief that you are somehow meant to be together to justify or make it appear less seedy than the reality which is a man wanting his cake and eating it.

I went through so much guilt, conflicted emotions, highs and lows and was basically a mess. In the end I was really in a really bad place and took me a while to heal. People warned me against him and that he would never leave his wife etc but I genuinely believed he was different - kind, sensitive etc. I always though men who had affairs were a certain type.As one poster said it is not black and white and some affairs maybe do develop into a legitimate relationship. Most of the time however this is not the case.

Also, men do not respect women who are willing to be the other woman. This was thrown against me in my case that if I didn't have such little regard for myself it would never have happened. There is some truth in this but he relentlessly pursued me.

Obviously its your life OP but if I could have done things differently I truly would. It is something to this day that I truly regret. I told a couple of friends and that it was a first but I know it affected their opinion of me and some of them probably think I do this all the time. I also told a couple of boyfriends after who were less than impressed so it had major repercussions all over.

If he wants to be with you -tell him to contact you when he is a free agent. Put yourself first because I guarantee he won't.

LovelyLottie

I've made this mistake. And it was a big fat mistake. He wasn't married but had long-term girlfriend whom he lived with.

I would NEVER do it again. It and he broke my heart. Took me years to get over it and to re-build my self-esteem and my sense of self-worth.

I got carried away by the silly "romance" of it all. I wanted a relationship. He told me he loved me. It was bullsh1t.

He got engaged to her a couple of months after the last time we were together.

I look back on that time as a big lesson to myself about how i want to be treated. I DESERVE to be with someone single. Someone honest. Someone free to be with me.

I never felt any guilt because he did all the chasing. Strange but true. Rather than castigating you for being with another girl's guy, i would say think about yourself. Be selfish. Because he as sure as hell is being selfish.

Do not sleep with him or take this further as it will only end in heartache for you, and then ultimately his wife and kids.

LegacyUser

runforthehill wrote: »

Affairs due to their secret nature cause emotions to intensify

Oh my God, you've hit the nail on the head there. Its been more intense than anything ever before in my life and we've only had each other to talk to about it. That realisation is massive I must say. The intensity has been insane.

Daisy M wrote: »

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When has he had the many opportunities to sleep with you? You mentioned turning him down the first night are you regularly meeting?

Its coming across that you have had your own doubts about this man and his acting the family man one minute and doing his best to get with you the next. Its been confusing for you because you see a man who apprently is bosotted with you when it suits but he paints a picture to the rest of the world as been a real family man. He is playing you and he is very good at it dont be sucked in. a couple of other posters have said you have nothing to lose but thats not true. As you have already seen you could lose friends, maybe even family and your job. But most of all you could lose your self respect and self worth and it may take you sometime to find them again.

Yes I did turn him down the first night we were together but we've joked about leaving work early and going to a nearby hotel. He knows that I've wanted to sleep with him and vice vearsa. Wow I'd be in dreadful emotional trouble then. I'd be very attached to him after that so thank God that never happened actually. We've only had coffee once outside of work and just kissed that night and everything else has been in work hidden away.

You're dead right about being so confused. He has driven me crazy. Full on one week and then all withdrawn with guilt the next and then texting me like mad again for days on end. I told him a couple of times to leave me alone for good but then he'd email or text me the next day. Thats probably the lack of respect as you guys have said. He wouldn't leave me alone. Its been a total emotional roller coaster.

Its great to get the feedback cos things are being said here that I've never thought about. I do think my friend has lost some respect for me since I've told her about this. I can hear it in her voice. If co-workers found out.......it doesn't bare thinking about. I want to do really well in the company and this would finish me if it came out. Its only hitting me now. Christ.

Bodhidharma

other woman wrote: »

I have tried to observe his interactions with other women (I hate that I even do that) just to see if hes overly friendly with anyone else. I don't think he is.

Theres no way anyone suspects in work cos we barely say hello to each other and we meet in an office to talk to each other maybe once a week.

How do you know? Maybe you're being observed? If it gets out in the office, not only will YOU have to leave, his wife (with her child) will find out. And of course this probably wont happen until the weeks of dirty looks and snide comments get boring.

There is far too much to lose in pursuing someone who is after all a cheating scumbag*, and depite protestations from you and him, that is exactly what he is, a scumbag who lies to his wife and child everyday. He is contemptful, and the only question is do you want to be like him?

*I'm not trying to launch a personal attack or character assassination. This is how I would describe anyone who pursues such an activity.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't be so sure that nobody in work suspects anything. People are rarely as discreet as they think. You were looking at him, he was looking at you etc.. do you think nobody else noticed you making eyes at each other?

The night you were out, the first night you kissed, where he obviously knew you fancied him, because he made a point of telling you nothing could happen (very odd thing to say, out of nowhere, by the way!) So if he knew it, why would you think nobody else picked up on it? And then you leave together? To continue "talking" because you had "so much in common". And now you barely say hello to each other in the office....?

Trust me... you are the office gossip!

LegacyUser

OP: be brave here, just end it! I can see from your point of view, his point of view, and as someone whose husband actually did leave to continue an affair, believe me, there are no winners. I would never judge anyone these days on the morality compass. People are just people. We all have our faults. Just think of how you can benefit. Are you really going to benefit from being with him? The guilt, his easy lies to his wife... I know that you may have feelings for him, but in the longer term, even if he were to leave her for you, you'd never trust him anyway. His problems are his to solve, not yours. You can't fix him, and you won't.
One thing is for sure though, each circumstance is different.
The major consolation is that you haven't had sex. Keep it that way.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hello other woman,
A few years ago I did a work project with someone from outside the company I was working for. He was a gentle, sweet married man. We got on well. I would have had a secret affair to get more sexual experience as I knew that we would both keep quite about it. His wife found out that we were getting close and started to make his life hard over the hours we were working. I never had sex with him. He finished the project and moved on to another job. I would have said before meeting him I would never have an affair with a married man but I now I could not say this. Life is not always black and white. You have to ask yourself will you be happy with a secret relationship? Would you go out with other people as well as him? Would you be happy to know his life won't change because of you? Would he keep quite about you and him or would he be likely to tell the other guys in the office with a few drinks in him? If you go in this direction with him & it does not go well how would you cope in the office and with him?
Your the only person who can decide what to do next but it is important not to put your own life on hold it you take things further with him. People can and do have secret affairs all the time. No one can judge any other person.

Daisy M

other woman wrote: »

Yes I did turn him down the first night we were together but we've joked about leaving work early and going to a nearby hotel. He knows that I've wanted to sleep with him and vice vearsa. Wow I'd be in dreadful emotional trouble then. I'd be very attached to him after that so thank God that never happened actually. We've only had coffee once outside of work and just kissed that night and everything else has been in work hidden away.

You're dead right about being so confused. He has driven me crazy. Full on one week and then all withdrawn with guilt the next and then texting me like mad again for days on end. I told him a couple of times to leave me alone for good but then he'd email or text me the next day. Thats probably the lack of respect as you guys have said. He wouldn't leave me alone. Its been a total emotional roller coaster.

Its great to get the feedback cos things are being said here that I've never thought about. I do think my friend has lost some respect for me since I've told her about this. I can hear it in her voice. If co-workers found out.......it doesn't bare thinking about. I want to do really well in the company and this would finish me if it came out. Its only hitting me now. Christ.

In the company I work for another girl based in a different town fell for her boss. He is co owner of the company. They had an affair got found out and were made end it. He would not leave her alone he kept chasing her in the end she had to leave with no other job to go to and quiet a reputation for herself. The man was only married a couple of years had one child and has had another one sense. I have seen him and his wife together and they come across as very much together and in love.

As for your friend she probably is disappointed in you but she will more than likely get over it when she sees it is not going any further. I magine how much worse things would be had you had a full blown affair and family, friends and co workers found out. And people always find out the guy I am referring to has absoloutly no idea that most of the people he employs know any thing about his affair he thinks it was kept quiet.